I think I finally know what I want to be when I grow up. It may have taken a quarter of a century, but I think I've figured it out. Obviously my end game is to be able to write in some capacity, and sure, lots of the glory is in features. Most aspiring writers don't dream of being television hacks, but where there is a lot of glory is that of a tv show runner. This is basically the guy that comes up with the idea for the show, sells it to the network, writes the pilot and then maintains all creative control of the series moving forward. Think of Dan Harmon at Community (before he got axed) Kurt Sutter at Sons of Anarchy, Matthew Weiner at Mad Men, Terrence Winter at Boardwalk Empire. All of these guys are major badasses.
Unfortunately in order to get into the machine you have to start at the bottom where I am now. I have no complaints about my job, I view it as a very necessary evil. I will not get food orders forever, it is a stepping stone to eventual happiness. It's very much akin to being a pledge before you are allowed to join the frat. You are kind of part of the whole scene but not really. Most people don't go out of their way to be a dickhead to you but some will, that and many of my duties are things that I learned to do as a pledge and haven't really done since, such as cleaning up after myself, and others. I'm a fairly cocky, arrogant guy. I am physically superior to almost everyone, well...I'm taller than most people. I'm loud, imposing and I have a lot of fun.
I remember when I was a pledge my general demeanor really rubbed some people the wrong way, it was like "Why aren't you more miserable? You are supposed to fucking hate this." But I didn't really because when I left the frat after cleaning up or getting barfed on, I would shower, get drunk and go have sex with a random chick. My life wasn't that bad. I feel like the hierarchy of tv is very much the same. I am a pledge. The producers are the Seniors. Everyone else on the staff is somewhere between neophyte and Junior. Most of the people are super cool and really don't give a shit what the pledges (PAs) are up to because they have a show to make. (I equate this to frat guys having girls to fuck.) Note that the cool guys in the frat never gave a shit about the pledges, they were too busy finding good houses to party with, going on epic road trips, and generally drinking beer and gunning chicks. Outside the occasional fuck up that directly influenced them (losing a key to the booze fridge) they generally didn't think twice about you at all.
This directly correlates with tv. 99% of the staff is all smiles with me until I fuck up something that either gets them in trouble with their boss or directly impacts their job, making them work longer or harder. But once in a while you encounter that guy that lives in the valley (in a shitty upstairs single) that still remembers getting picked on when he was a pledge (PA) and he doesn't like your fucking arrogance. Wipe that smile off your face underling, go get me a bottled water (beer.) He can't stand the fact that you are going to go out in Venice (Briscoe) tonight and bang some chick (bang some chick) while he wonders why he is still just an assistant editor (Sophomore with no people skills) I'm going to haze the fucking shit out of you because I'm still miserable.
Our assistant editor is the shit actually and so are 99% of the people I work with, it is just something I have picked up on in life. The losers can never let their hardships go. I had to work 14 hour days (14 hour line-ups) so you are going to. People yelled at me, so I'm going to yell at you. Meanwhile the cool guys are just social climbing until they get to work on an HBO show (this is like the equivalent of living in Shingles or super frat)
But now that I'm done with my extended metaphor, what changes would I make to the world of Production? Funny you ask, I have a few thoughts.
First of all, life in production is pretty intense, and I am not cut out for it. The natural route for someone in my position is to become production secretary, assistant production coordinator, production coordinator and then if you're lucky you're a unit production manager getting a lowly co-producer credit by the time you're 50. On my side of the office it is printing scripts, re-printing scripts on different colored paper, collecting release forms, dealing with insurance, budgeting camera rental equipment...fuck that. I need to take a hard right to the end of the hall where the creative staff hangs out. Writers meetings, nerf guns, writer's block beers, that's the shit I'm talking about. I don't even know if any of that stuff exists, but I fantasize what the week would look like if I were the show runner. I imagine there would be considerably more youth and exuberance and fewer vegan options on the lunch menu. In fact you would think that television shows that are trying so depserately for that 18-49 demo would skew young. In fact they do not. I don't know if my show has a single writer in their 20's, even the writers assistants appear to be in their 30s.
Maybe it's been tried before and it became a production nightmare. If the writers are just casually drinking all day and the tv show adopts a laissez faire attitude it must be a nightmare to get things done. But maybe that fun atmosphere on a television show transcends the television waves? Well hopefully we'll find out, because if the Glowfest show gets the greenlight and I'm a writing producer I can't imagine that I'll spend more than 5 hours and 3 four lokos on an episode outline before I say "fuck it, let's shoot it and see what happens." Television needs more of that.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
When I think about you I touch myself
If you would have told me that at age 25, I would have a tv show in development at Red Bull, work on the Fox lot and have a BYOB Chinese restaurant and a beach less than a mile from my house I would probably have been quite thrilled with that outcome.
Yes look at me kids, a true American success story, proof that you can do whatever the fuck you want in life and if you're awesome enough you will get away with it.
OK so I'm a PA on a Friday night tv show, my tv series may or may not air on the web. And there is a 15% chance of getting stabbed on my particular beach if I go there after dark. That said, there is no knock on Mao's Kitchen, it is simply the best and if you pay your non-English speaking waitress 5 dollars she will turn the other way when you try to take shots (they are licensed for beer and wine only)
So tomorrow I take the next step in my journey to the top. Full of 6 am call times, petty cash and hopefully lots of meal penalties (you get extra money if you aren't fed in the first 6 hours of your shift, heyooo) the flip side of this is the blog will suffer. As people that have been reading me for a while you can probably make a direct correlation with how often I am writing and how little I give a shit about what I'm up to professionally. Now that I am actually a real boy in the entertainment industry the days of blogging about banging fat chicks and doing bathroom key bumps might be coming to an end (not to say I'm going to stop, but I likely won't have time to actually carry on my double life AND tell you about it)
But that's good, it used to be that when I needed to find a creative outlet I would vent about everything different in the world that I didn't understand. I couldn't fathom the idea of getting married or staying in. When Indy got lame, I jumped to Chicago, when I lost all my friends in Chicago to relationships and maturity I jumped to LA, fortunately there are 40 year olds here who behave the same way that I do, so I might get to stay a while. In fact, when I think of many of the people that swept me under the rug as they settled for a life of middle management and this I realize that my constant bitching about it will never change the way other people react.
Believe it or not, mediocrity is enough for some people. Some people don't have the desire to go for it.
Whatever it is I guess. I guess dreaming big for some people is "having 4 kids." Some people want to make a lot of money. I for one, want to make something that will be here forever. Even if I write the shittiest movie ever made, or am a low level producer on a really bad reality tv show. It will exist because of me, and there will never be anything anyone can do to take it away. Even if our society reverts to that of high morals and everything that I ever wrote is deemed obscene. Somewhere on a hard drive or a web address it will always exist. That is my motivation for doing what I do.
Again, the blog will never make me famous, so I've been scaling back my activity on here and diverting it to actual screenplays, television specs and basic pitches for things that I find interesting. As much fun it is to bitch and moan and create this megalomaniac of a character on this blog and try to once and a while show you a hint of humanity and intelligence that I as a person really have, it was generally created as an exercise for me to find my voice.
And I've found it. I hope lots of you continue to follow my writing career, and I will still check in here from time to time, it's just hard to work a 60 hour week, write a 100 page screenplay and still find the time to come on here and ask what the fuck those vuvuzella things are that hang on a Jewish person's door.
To any aspiring writers or people that just thought maybe it would be fun to give a shot once, lots of people will give you advice along the way. Fuck it. Fuck all of it. Do your thing, don't read any books, just start writing and see what happens. Even if you don't achieve a desired result, you'll know that you did things your way and that's got to be better than being a fucking hack.
So that's that. Not the end of a book, but the beginning of a new chapter for me. All you peeps better set your dvr's to Fox on Friday nights this January, not to tune in would be to intentionally destroy my master plan. (Season 3 writer's PA, Season 4 Writer's assistant, Season 5 promoted to staff writer. Show gets cancelled after season 5 but I have a WGA card and an agent and at the age of 28 my coming of age indie film wins Sundance and I get to go on a date with Jennifer Lawrence.)
Didn't someone say that if you write down your goals they are ten times more likely to come true?
Yes look at me kids, a true American success story, proof that you can do whatever the fuck you want in life and if you're awesome enough you will get away with it.
OK so I'm a PA on a Friday night tv show, my tv series may or may not air on the web. And there is a 15% chance of getting stabbed on my particular beach if I go there after dark. That said, there is no knock on Mao's Kitchen, it is simply the best and if you pay your non-English speaking waitress 5 dollars she will turn the other way when you try to take shots (they are licensed for beer and wine only)
So tomorrow I take the next step in my journey to the top. Full of 6 am call times, petty cash and hopefully lots of meal penalties (you get extra money if you aren't fed in the first 6 hours of your shift, heyooo) the flip side of this is the blog will suffer. As people that have been reading me for a while you can probably make a direct correlation with how often I am writing and how little I give a shit about what I'm up to professionally. Now that I am actually a real boy in the entertainment industry the days of blogging about banging fat chicks and doing bathroom key bumps might be coming to an end (not to say I'm going to stop, but I likely won't have time to actually carry on my double life AND tell you about it)
But that's good, it used to be that when I needed to find a creative outlet I would vent about everything different in the world that I didn't understand. I couldn't fathom the idea of getting married or staying in. When Indy got lame, I jumped to Chicago, when I lost all my friends in Chicago to relationships and maturity I jumped to LA, fortunately there are 40 year olds here who behave the same way that I do, so I might get to stay a while. In fact, when I think of many of the people that swept me under the rug as they settled for a life of middle management and this I realize that my constant bitching about it will never change the way other people react.
Believe it or not, mediocrity is enough for some people. Some people don't have the desire to go for it.
Whatever it is I guess. I guess dreaming big for some people is "having 4 kids." Some people want to make a lot of money. I for one, want to make something that will be here forever. Even if I write the shittiest movie ever made, or am a low level producer on a really bad reality tv show. It will exist because of me, and there will never be anything anyone can do to take it away. Even if our society reverts to that of high morals and everything that I ever wrote is deemed obscene. Somewhere on a hard drive or a web address it will always exist. That is my motivation for doing what I do.
Again, the blog will never make me famous, so I've been scaling back my activity on here and diverting it to actual screenplays, television specs and basic pitches for things that I find interesting. As much fun it is to bitch and moan and create this megalomaniac of a character on this blog and try to once and a while show you a hint of humanity and intelligence that I as a person really have, it was generally created as an exercise for me to find my voice.
And I've found it. I hope lots of you continue to follow my writing career, and I will still check in here from time to time, it's just hard to work a 60 hour week, write a 100 page screenplay and still find the time to come on here and ask what the fuck those vuvuzella things are that hang on a Jewish person's door.
To any aspiring writers or people that just thought maybe it would be fun to give a shot once, lots of people will give you advice along the way. Fuck it. Fuck all of it. Do your thing, don't read any books, just start writing and see what happens. Even if you don't achieve a desired result, you'll know that you did things your way and that's got to be better than being a fucking hack.
So that's that. Not the end of a book, but the beginning of a new chapter for me. All you peeps better set your dvr's to Fox on Friday nights this January, not to tune in would be to intentionally destroy my master plan. (Season 3 writer's PA, Season 4 Writer's assistant, Season 5 promoted to staff writer. Show gets cancelled after season 5 but I have a WGA card and an agent and at the age of 28 my coming of age indie film wins Sundance and I get to go on a date with Jennifer Lawrence.)
Didn't someone say that if you write down your goals they are ten times more likely to come true?
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Short term memory loss
I haven't found the time to blog this week because I've been working the early shift at Fox. I've been waking up at 5 am every day, coming home and falling asleep. Usually I come home at 5 am and fall asleep, so this has been a bit backward for me. By the way, I had an epiphany the other day while driving. The new last call song has to be "Here Comes the Sun" by the Beatles, except instead of some weird Eastern influenced metaphor about what George Harrison was going through at the time of Abbey Road, it's like, "oh fuck, the sun is rising, better take this slam home before I can see what she actually looks like."
But seriously, I haven't woken up at 5am since I think Little 5 my senior year, and that was to drink. I've been drinking these K cups called rocket fuel (which would be a great name for a street drug) they are like the double IPAs of coffee. I literally take two hits (sips) and I want to ride an elephant into battle.
I did want to take 30 seconds though today and discuss society's short term memory loss. 3 things happened in the last 48 hours that I found interesting.
1. Romney won the debate last night. I am not very political, nor is this blog, but just a week after he complained about not being Mexican and how poor people won't vote for him, every apathetic, upper middle class, candyflipping white kid is supporting him on Facebook now. (Or they are making a point to tell everyone how little they care) It just goes to show how little stock we put in things that happened yesterday. It's all about the now.
2. American hero Miguel Cabrera has a long history of getting thoroughly housed. As a fellow degenerate I completely support this behavior. However, unlike me, instead of playing house music and lowering his sexual standards a full 2 standard deviations from the mean, when Miguel gets drunk he beats women and drives around. Not to say I haven't driven sauced once or twice, but the only bruises I give women are to their inner thighs. (*Single handed snap*) But Miguel Cabrera won a triple crown for the first time since 1967. So...fuck it, he rocks!
3. The St. Louis Cardinals clinched a playoff spot. (This is in no way related to my overall thesis, it is just something that I find interesting because I am a fan)
To recap, you can be a major fuck up in this country, but if the last thing you did was positive, society has about as good a memory as I do after 5 flatlines...and that's good, because so far I've done a lot of bad, but some day I plan on turning it around. Everyone loves a comeback story.
But seriously, I haven't woken up at 5am since I think Little 5 my senior year, and that was to drink. I've been drinking these K cups called rocket fuel (which would be a great name for a street drug) they are like the double IPAs of coffee. I literally take two hits (sips) and I want to ride an elephant into battle.
I did want to take 30 seconds though today and discuss society's short term memory loss. 3 things happened in the last 48 hours that I found interesting.
1. Romney won the debate last night. I am not very political, nor is this blog, but just a week after he complained about not being Mexican and how poor people won't vote for him, every apathetic, upper middle class, candyflipping white kid is supporting him on Facebook now. (Or they are making a point to tell everyone how little they care) It just goes to show how little stock we put in things that happened yesterday. It's all about the now.
2. American hero Miguel Cabrera has a long history of getting thoroughly housed. As a fellow degenerate I completely support this behavior. However, unlike me, instead of playing house music and lowering his sexual standards a full 2 standard deviations from the mean, when Miguel gets drunk he beats women and drives around. Not to say I haven't driven sauced once or twice, but the only bruises I give women are to their inner thighs. (*Single handed snap*) But Miguel Cabrera won a triple crown for the first time since 1967. So...fuck it, he rocks!
3. The St. Louis Cardinals clinched a playoff spot. (This is in no way related to my overall thesis, it is just something that I find interesting because I am a fan)
To recap, you can be a major fuck up in this country, but if the last thing you did was positive, society has about as good a memory as I do after 5 flatlines...and that's good, because so far I've done a lot of bad, but some day I plan on turning it around. Everyone loves a comeback story.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Atonement
You may be cruising Facebook today and noticing that lots of your Jewish friends are making ironic comedic posts on their Facebook walls (Sorry for partying LOLZ) and that all of that person's Jewish friends are liking that post. I did a bit of research into it and it turns out that Tuesday at sundown to Wednesday at sundown is the Jewish day of Atonement. Now I know what you're thinking, that sounds pretty rad, take a Wednesday off paid and watch that sick James McAvoy film that got snubbed for best picture.
Unfortunately that is not the case, it's a day to apologize. Now if you are Jewish and work a full time job, you're having a pretty solid fortnight. Last week you got to take Monday off for Rosh Hashana aka your New Year and now you are taking a midweek sabbatical the following week. You guys have it figured out. And not only do you benefit from your own double whammy, you will gladly take the Christmas/New Years break too. And we wonder why Jewish people run the world, it's because they are smart enough to demand an additional handful of days off each year. Well played.
So I thought about it and I realized now is as good a time as any to think about what I'm sorry for. I've had a really hard time toeing the line lately between living as recklessly as possible, but remaining a productive member of society. But in that logic my life seems to be a living contradiction.
Let me explain.
Last week I was made full time at work. Instead of just being a PA for this production company I am now straight up this dude's assistant. What does that mean? Not much, a $25 bump in my day rate and I get to work in between projects if he can afford it. Regardless, it was an event worth celebrating in my eyes, so to celebrate establishing myself as just a tad bit more grown up than I was before, I immediately went on a 5 day bender culminating with me swimming in the Pacific Ocean in my jeans Saturday morning at 10AM drinking a bottle of wine. That is not how someone my age is supposed to live, even if they are celebrating something.
Furthermore, Friday night I accosted my neighbors for not staying up later than 4am to party with me and I took a Craigslist ad out Saturday afternoon when I couldn't convince anyone to go to beerfest with me. I become with myself Sunday evening and deleted it, but it went something like this:
Bros of Craigslist. I come to you in my hour of need, I am seeking a fun group of debaucherous kids that are down for whatever. I'm 25 and I like to drink...a lot. I give zero fucks in almost any situation. I exist for the soul purpose of having fun. As I have grown up my friends from the frat and girls that I went to school with have become disgusted with my eroding morals. I have similarly grown disgusted with their notions of maturity and responsibility. I look at babies and wedding rings and I want to vomit a four loko on them. I want a group that can commit to going out every weekend night, hard. Day drinking and rallying, Hitting on chicks without any dignity or regard for others. My current friends are great, but we're just slowly starting to drift in different directions. I want to be worse than I was in college, not this hybrid of yuppie America that society deems the hip twentysomething. Please respond to me with a picture of what is in your fridge right now and a crazy story from last night. I will respond if interested.
It was the most pathetic thing ever written. I would honestly have had better luck cabbing it to campus and buying a bunch of under grads a round of shots. It was a low moment for me. And I think that's what I'm most sorry for. Sure I have said inappropriate things to people in the past, but whatever, I'm a writer, I believe in freedom of speech and the freedom to react to that any way you chose. People have the right to be offended, but that's on you, not the offender. People are offended by the way I live my life, I'm offended by 3rd trimester belly photos on Facebook.
However what I am truly sorry for, is expecting people to conform to my standards. In college I was a leader, not so much because I was smarter or more anything than people, I was just the loudest and maybe the tallest and most outspoken so people conformed to my will. As I have grown older I have lost that power and it causes me to be super angry and insecure sometimes. The people around me that I care about have told me I am intimidating and brash, like I'm scary or something. And that really bothers me, so what I intend to do in this coming year is to live my life exactly how I would like to live it. If that involves raging until the next day, so be it. But I won't drag anyone else down with me unless they want to come along for the ride. I can't expect my peers to feel the same way I do anymore. Different strokes for different folks. I live a manic lifestyle, I've become quite bipolar, it's almost as if I'm devolving into one of those insane writers. I stay up for 42 hours writing something, decide it's shit and delete it. Not that I think that in order to be creative one must behave like Hunter S Thompson, but it kind of seems that's the road I've chosen.
In closing, I apologize to all the people I have hurt and offended over the years. I don't intend to be rude, that's just who I am. I am no longer going to bitch and moan about your lameness, I will not drag you to the dark side, but on the flip side, let me be me and reserve your judgment for someone who gives a fuck.
Unfortunately that is not the case, it's a day to apologize. Now if you are Jewish and work a full time job, you're having a pretty solid fortnight. Last week you got to take Monday off for Rosh Hashana aka your New Year and now you are taking a midweek sabbatical the following week. You guys have it figured out. And not only do you benefit from your own double whammy, you will gladly take the Christmas/New Years break too. And we wonder why Jewish people run the world, it's because they are smart enough to demand an additional handful of days off each year. Well played.
So I thought about it and I realized now is as good a time as any to think about what I'm sorry for. I've had a really hard time toeing the line lately between living as recklessly as possible, but remaining a productive member of society. But in that logic my life seems to be a living contradiction.
Let me explain.
Last week I was made full time at work. Instead of just being a PA for this production company I am now straight up this dude's assistant. What does that mean? Not much, a $25 bump in my day rate and I get to work in between projects if he can afford it. Regardless, it was an event worth celebrating in my eyes, so to celebrate establishing myself as just a tad bit more grown up than I was before, I immediately went on a 5 day bender culminating with me swimming in the Pacific Ocean in my jeans Saturday morning at 10AM drinking a bottle of wine. That is not how someone my age is supposed to live, even if they are celebrating something.
Furthermore, Friday night I accosted my neighbors for not staying up later than 4am to party with me and I took a Craigslist ad out Saturday afternoon when I couldn't convince anyone to go to beerfest with me. I become with myself Sunday evening and deleted it, but it went something like this:
Bros of Craigslist. I come to you in my hour of need, I am seeking a fun group of debaucherous kids that are down for whatever. I'm 25 and I like to drink...a lot. I give zero fucks in almost any situation. I exist for the soul purpose of having fun. As I have grown up my friends from the frat and girls that I went to school with have become disgusted with my eroding morals. I have similarly grown disgusted with their notions of maturity and responsibility. I look at babies and wedding rings and I want to vomit a four loko on them. I want a group that can commit to going out every weekend night, hard. Day drinking and rallying, Hitting on chicks without any dignity or regard for others. My current friends are great, but we're just slowly starting to drift in different directions. I want to be worse than I was in college, not this hybrid of yuppie America that society deems the hip twentysomething. Please respond to me with a picture of what is in your fridge right now and a crazy story from last night. I will respond if interested.
It was the most pathetic thing ever written. I would honestly have had better luck cabbing it to campus and buying a bunch of under grads a round of shots. It was a low moment for me. And I think that's what I'm most sorry for. Sure I have said inappropriate things to people in the past, but whatever, I'm a writer, I believe in freedom of speech and the freedom to react to that any way you chose. People have the right to be offended, but that's on you, not the offender. People are offended by the way I live my life, I'm offended by 3rd trimester belly photos on Facebook.
However what I am truly sorry for, is expecting people to conform to my standards. In college I was a leader, not so much because I was smarter or more anything than people, I was just the loudest and maybe the tallest and most outspoken so people conformed to my will. As I have grown older I have lost that power and it causes me to be super angry and insecure sometimes. The people around me that I care about have told me I am intimidating and brash, like I'm scary or something. And that really bothers me, so what I intend to do in this coming year is to live my life exactly how I would like to live it. If that involves raging until the next day, so be it. But I won't drag anyone else down with me unless they want to come along for the ride. I can't expect my peers to feel the same way I do anymore. Different strokes for different folks. I live a manic lifestyle, I've become quite bipolar, it's almost as if I'm devolving into one of those insane writers. I stay up for 42 hours writing something, decide it's shit and delete it. Not that I think that in order to be creative one must behave like Hunter S Thompson, but it kind of seems that's the road I've chosen.
In closing, I apologize to all the people I have hurt and offended over the years. I don't intend to be rude, that's just who I am. I am no longer going to bitch and moan about your lameness, I will not drag you to the dark side, but on the flip side, let me be me and reserve your judgment for someone who gives a fuck.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Sticking it to the man: The Incredible true story of how I told the Bloomington Police Department to suck it
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Tuesday, September 18, 2012
If I knew then...
If I knew then: An open letter to my former self.
Dear 21 year old me,
I can't believe you fucking thought about flying home to Bloomington for little 5 when you were abroad. Do you realize that you just got back from a vacation of a vacation of a vacation? College is a vacation, studying abroad is a vacation, and when you would jet set every weekend to some new European nation that was a vacation from abroad. You were basically in the 3rd level of some crazy Inception party? Never mind, you'll understand that reference in a few years.
So here is the thing. I'm writing you this letter because I know things now, that you didn't or don't. You are entering your senior year of college and you think that you are probably going to straight into the strategy department of Proctor and Gamble (spoiler alert: You are going to fuck around in Chicago all summer and your internship will go mediocre at best, it's cool, when you don't get the offer just tell people you weren't into selling cancer sticks, they'll totally support you) Not going to happen. What about an agency? No. Buyer at some major retail conglomorate? No, the economy is about to collapse and none of those fun jobs are going to exist. In fact none of those cool "marketing" jobs you think you are going for happen without an MBA. If you want to you could probably switch your major to ops and get a few interviews with big 4 consulting firms in Chicago, but that will really cut back on the amount of partying you are going to be able to do in the next 4 years.
Yes that's right, believe it or not life continues after college. You have a little bit of money, but unfortunately because of that you have a little bit of responsibility. That whole thing where you just went out every night and threw everything on the family credit card? Ya, that shit is about to end, really quick. When you get your first call from Chase and realize your mom didn't cover your last month's payment, shred that shit immediately.
So this is what's up. You are going to get a shitty job in Chicago, start raging a lot to make up for your apathy towards this whole life transition, but at some point you are going to have to man up and grow up at least a little bit. People are going to change, not everyone will hop on board with your hedonistic lifestyle, I'm not telling you that you have to change or adapt to the people around you, just don't be surprised when certain people stop answering your texts on Friday nights. Believe it or not, there is a faction of people out there who don't subscribe to the "flatlines until 6 in the morning" lifestyle.
You're early 20's are fucking weird, you are going to still have random one night stands with chicks you meet at bars, but you will also have to lie to coworkers about drugs and why you're late. Your boss won't be impressed by the fact that you had to kick a girl out of bed after going on a "purple drink" binge. Road trips are still fun, you can actually pay for a vacation or two and you're still living with your college friends most likely. It's just that now you have to cram a week's worth of fun into 2 nights instead of 6. It grows tiresome.
People will eventually drop off the band wagon, maybe they'll move in with a significant other or they'll just see the value of staying in on a Saturday night and watching a movie. It doesn't mean that everyone else is lame or that you are a psycho, it's just that people start valuing different things. Things will be strange, you may even find yourself falling in love for the first time, but eventually you are going to start realizing that Chicago isn't the place for you.
And then one day you'll sack up and decide to move west, leaving everything you care about, everything that means the world to you back in the midwest...but you just go because you know it's where you need to go to chase your dreams (that and you may or may not get fired because of a blog very similar to this.) You'll realize when you get there..."well what the fuck, why did I bust my ass getting a Kelley degree for only to make 25k at a dead end sales job and then move to Los Angeles where I want nothing to do with business." Little tip pal, there is NO money in being a struggling writer. Well maybe if you fucking sell something but good luck. You are going to be super broke. The people in LA will be nothing like you and it will be frustrating. There will be high school drop outs that are infinitely more successful than you. People won't know where Indiana is.
But every day could be the day you break. So for the next 4 years, just don't worry about trivial things, job, friends, money. Don't worry about a fucking thing, because some day you'll be sitting here in LA one day away from catching a star.
Signed,
25 year old you.
Dear 21 year old me,
I can't believe you fucking thought about flying home to Bloomington for little 5 when you were abroad. Do you realize that you just got back from a vacation of a vacation of a vacation? College is a vacation, studying abroad is a vacation, and when you would jet set every weekend to some new European nation that was a vacation from abroad. You were basically in the 3rd level of some crazy Inception party? Never mind, you'll understand that reference in a few years.
So here is the thing. I'm writing you this letter because I know things now, that you didn't or don't. You are entering your senior year of college and you think that you are probably going to straight into the strategy department of Proctor and Gamble (spoiler alert: You are going to fuck around in Chicago all summer and your internship will go mediocre at best, it's cool, when you don't get the offer just tell people you weren't into selling cancer sticks, they'll totally support you) Not going to happen. What about an agency? No. Buyer at some major retail conglomorate? No, the economy is about to collapse and none of those fun jobs are going to exist. In fact none of those cool "marketing" jobs you think you are going for happen without an MBA. If you want to you could probably switch your major to ops and get a few interviews with big 4 consulting firms in Chicago, but that will really cut back on the amount of partying you are going to be able to do in the next 4 years.
Yes that's right, believe it or not life continues after college. You have a little bit of money, but unfortunately because of that you have a little bit of responsibility. That whole thing where you just went out every night and threw everything on the family credit card? Ya, that shit is about to end, really quick. When you get your first call from Chase and realize your mom didn't cover your last month's payment, shred that shit immediately.
So this is what's up. You are going to get a shitty job in Chicago, start raging a lot to make up for your apathy towards this whole life transition, but at some point you are going to have to man up and grow up at least a little bit. People are going to change, not everyone will hop on board with your hedonistic lifestyle, I'm not telling you that you have to change or adapt to the people around you, just don't be surprised when certain people stop answering your texts on Friday nights. Believe it or not, there is a faction of people out there who don't subscribe to the "flatlines until 6 in the morning" lifestyle.
You're early 20's are fucking weird, you are going to still have random one night stands with chicks you meet at bars, but you will also have to lie to coworkers about drugs and why you're late. Your boss won't be impressed by the fact that you had to kick a girl out of bed after going on a "purple drink" binge. Road trips are still fun, you can actually pay for a vacation or two and you're still living with your college friends most likely. It's just that now you have to cram a week's worth of fun into 2 nights instead of 6. It grows tiresome.
People will eventually drop off the band wagon, maybe they'll move in with a significant other or they'll just see the value of staying in on a Saturday night and watching a movie. It doesn't mean that everyone else is lame or that you are a psycho, it's just that people start valuing different things. Things will be strange, you may even find yourself falling in love for the first time, but eventually you are going to start realizing that Chicago isn't the place for you.
And then one day you'll sack up and decide to move west, leaving everything you care about, everything that means the world to you back in the midwest...but you just go because you know it's where you need to go to chase your dreams (that and you may or may not get fired because of a blog very similar to this.) You'll realize when you get there..."well what the fuck, why did I bust my ass getting a Kelley degree for only to make 25k at a dead end sales job and then move to Los Angeles where I want nothing to do with business." Little tip pal, there is NO money in being a struggling writer. Well maybe if you fucking sell something but good luck. You are going to be super broke. The people in LA will be nothing like you and it will be frustrating. There will be high school drop outs that are infinitely more successful than you. People won't know where Indiana is.
But every day could be the day you break. So for the next 4 years, just don't worry about trivial things, job, friends, money. Don't worry about a fucking thing, because some day you'll be sitting here in LA one day away from catching a star.
Signed,
25 year old you.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Clock Punchers
99% of my readers live in the midwest. The reason being is that 99% of my friends live in the midwest. I haven't really caught on here, it's not so much that being extremely fratty rubs people the wrong way out here. I might intimidate some people because I am large and imposing and most the people here are Jewish and frail, but I think the issue is deeply rooted in that I haven't had a coworker since I moved here and my best friend in LA also has no coworkers.
Thus I hang out with my 6 college buddies in LA And that's fine, we rip it up and we live on the beach, but I tell you this because I primarily write this blog for people that live thousands of miles away from me. Once in a while I like to give you a little peek behind the curtain. One because I think it's interesting, two because I am secretly recruiting you for my LA takeover.
The first thing I want to address is clock punching. None of you pretentious fucks in Chicago like your job. You work for a bank or some PR firm, you have a nice view, but at the end of the day, it would be better to sleep in until noon and then go to the Cubs game. Actually, scratch that. Not even getting drunk at a Cubs game is fun anymore. But you could perhaps go see a movie or visit the zoo and this would be vastly more enjoyable than balancing a quarterly budget.
Lots of your friends from college went to college to become teachers, mainly because they didn't want to have a real job and they figured they would marry into money eventually. But neither of those answers are socially acceptable so most people went with the "I want my summers off" excuse. That's fine, because working fucking sucks.
But did you know...most people in Los Angeles don't work full time?
Tada....the secret is out, you can live in LA comfortably and take a week off every month.
There are 2 sides to the entertainment industry. There is the development side. That would be like the people that work at studios, networks even talent and management agencies to a certain extent are on that side of the glass I suppose. Then there is physical production. These are the people that actually make the movie. This includes directors, actors, gaffers, best boy, propmaster, on set pa (ME) and all the other fucks that make a movie happen.
What's interesting is most of these people are all independent contractors. They are hired on a one off basis to work on a project, they get a ridiculous daily rate and probably work on average every other day. Sure there are gaffers (they handle set electrical work) out there that work a full schedule, but regardless they make $700 a day. So if you feel the need to work a week and live off your post tax 3 grand for the next 30 days you can do that. Or you could work a month straight and then go to Tahiti with a pile of cash.
There are no rules. Lots of these people get into unions and what not so they can get health care and all that good stuff, but really unions exist only to fuck producers into giving the members more money. If a meal is served more than 6 hours after a call time (when you have to arrive to work) BOOM meal penalty, more money in your pocket. Work more than 8 hours? Time and a half. Work more than 12 hours? Double time. Work 16 hours in a day? TRIPLE FUCKING TIME.
Fuck salary. So a gaffer with a $700/12 day rate can easily walk away from one day of work with a thousand dollars after a long day of shooting...and he's a glorified fucking electrician.
You want to make it in LA? Learn about lighting? Drive a truck, buy a camera. Learn final cut pro and hang out in an editing bay. $400 a day to grip. To fucking GRIP! Do you know what a grip does? He literally moves the lighting fixtures around and takes naps in between takes. Sound guys, that hold the fucking boom mic can make $500 a day.
Sure there is no job security, and there can be a lot of time in between jobs. Bogus right?
False! Every motherfucker in CA is collecting unemployment. Production companies will even work out shady under the table agreements with people to pay them for "production supplies" or "kit rentals" instead of paying them for work so the prod co can save on payroll tax and the employee can stay on unemployment.
It's a crooked machine, but this is how to survive.
I'm not saying that everyone should aspire to hang shit in the art department or join the teamster union, I'm just saying that if you enjoy movies and have a serious appreciation of 5 day weekends, you don't have to be a 6th grade math teacher.
And if you think that you may get bored in between jobs I suggest acquiring a musical instrument, a surfboard and a netflix account...and maybe even paying for premium porn because those days off are fucking great.
Thus I hang out with my 6 college buddies in LA And that's fine, we rip it up and we live on the beach, but I tell you this because I primarily write this blog for people that live thousands of miles away from me. Once in a while I like to give you a little peek behind the curtain. One because I think it's interesting, two because I am secretly recruiting you for my LA takeover.
The first thing I want to address is clock punching. None of you pretentious fucks in Chicago like your job. You work for a bank or some PR firm, you have a nice view, but at the end of the day, it would be better to sleep in until noon and then go to the Cubs game. Actually, scratch that. Not even getting drunk at a Cubs game is fun anymore. But you could perhaps go see a movie or visit the zoo and this would be vastly more enjoyable than balancing a quarterly budget.
Lots of your friends from college went to college to become teachers, mainly because they didn't want to have a real job and they figured they would marry into money eventually. But neither of those answers are socially acceptable so most people went with the "I want my summers off" excuse. That's fine, because working fucking sucks.
But did you know...most people in Los Angeles don't work full time?
Tada....the secret is out, you can live in LA comfortably and take a week off every month.
There are 2 sides to the entertainment industry. There is the development side. That would be like the people that work at studios, networks even talent and management agencies to a certain extent are on that side of the glass I suppose. Then there is physical production. These are the people that actually make the movie. This includes directors, actors, gaffers, best boy, propmaster, on set pa (ME) and all the other fucks that make a movie happen.
What's interesting is most of these people are all independent contractors. They are hired on a one off basis to work on a project, they get a ridiculous daily rate and probably work on average every other day. Sure there are gaffers (they handle set electrical work) out there that work a full schedule, but regardless they make $700 a day. So if you feel the need to work a week and live off your post tax 3 grand for the next 30 days you can do that. Or you could work a month straight and then go to Tahiti with a pile of cash.
There are no rules. Lots of these people get into unions and what not so they can get health care and all that good stuff, but really unions exist only to fuck producers into giving the members more money. If a meal is served more than 6 hours after a call time (when you have to arrive to work) BOOM meal penalty, more money in your pocket. Work more than 8 hours? Time and a half. Work more than 12 hours? Double time. Work 16 hours in a day? TRIPLE FUCKING TIME.
Fuck salary. So a gaffer with a $700/12 day rate can easily walk away from one day of work with a thousand dollars after a long day of shooting...and he's a glorified fucking electrician.
You want to make it in LA? Learn about lighting? Drive a truck, buy a camera. Learn final cut pro and hang out in an editing bay. $400 a day to grip. To fucking GRIP! Do you know what a grip does? He literally moves the lighting fixtures around and takes naps in between takes. Sound guys, that hold the fucking boom mic can make $500 a day.
Sure there is no job security, and there can be a lot of time in between jobs. Bogus right?
False! Every motherfucker in CA is collecting unemployment. Production companies will even work out shady under the table agreements with people to pay them for "production supplies" or "kit rentals" instead of paying them for work so the prod co can save on payroll tax and the employee can stay on unemployment.
It's a crooked machine, but this is how to survive.
I'm not saying that everyone should aspire to hang shit in the art department or join the teamster union, I'm just saying that if you enjoy movies and have a serious appreciation of 5 day weekends, you don't have to be a 6th grade math teacher.
And if you think that you may get bored in between jobs I suggest acquiring a musical instrument, a surfboard and a netflix account...and maybe even paying for premium porn because those days off are fucking great.
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