Sushiwithmygirls

Does that site still exist? It was like Deadspin for wealthy east coast girls back in its day. I think the big reveal might have eventually been that it was actually dudes writing it, which makes sense because men write better than women except in cases of wizardry. In any event, I'm fairly sure that the whole point of the blog was "fuck it we're better than you and we're going to go drink white wine and spend a bunch of money at a sceney restaurant in midtown Manhattan and dish on a bunch of betches." I don't find anything fundamentally wrong with that philosophy, haters gon' hate and all that shit, but what they have tapped into unintentionally is the fact that there really is nothing better than going out to eat. While some may find a fiscally responsible or therapeutic element to cooking at home, the fun ends there. Eating alone, at your broke ass breakfast table, or on the couch more likely, sucks. Even if you throw in a few roommates and some alcohol it's still pretty meh, but when you leave the comfort of home, it becomes an event.

Had I been born in feudal times, there is no doubt in my mind that I would have been some sort of low level noble. I suppose that is a rough translation of being born into modest wealth in Indianapolis. But still it beats the shit out of being born an indentured servent in Evansville or something like that. So even though I wouldn't have had as nice a castle as Sir Kenilworth, Duke of the North Shore, I would have still had wenches to wait on me and servants to clean up after me. I think this is why I so much enjoy going out, I like being served (not in a "You Got" kind of way) it's in my blood, in fact I have googled my family crest, it's a bad ass 16 point German buck, they don't just give those away to anyone.

But clearly I am not going to write an entire essay on the merits of going out to dinner and how I believe I am the long lost Baron of Hamburg. (Note: I have never traced my German ancestry. I have no idea what region I am from, all that I know is that to qualify as a WASP you have to be from England, France or Northern Germany and being Waspy indicates that you possess old money and power. I'm rolling with it) Instead I would like to present to you a fail safe plan B for when plans fall through. There are probably people out there that find it invigorating to not have any plans on a Friday night. Some may take it as a sign to, dare I say, stay in. Others may buy a bag of blow and see what happens. May I present a middle ground, one of life's most magical mysteries, the BYOB dinner.

I never really knew what a BYOB restaurant was. I always saw BYOB scrawled across the fictitious party fliers in movies that were thrown in the air 8th period on Fridays. Bring Your Own Beer man!!!! Then I moved to Chicago. That city is literally crawling with them, if you ever go to dinner and are paying for your drinks they better have a fucking miraculous bone-in filet. Otherwise, it is generally considered a much better option to call a small locally owned ethnic place that cannot afford a proper liquor license and alert them that they should be taking out a large insurance policy in the next 2 hours...because you and your friends are fully intent on burning that bitch down. In Los Angeles they are few and far between, but they exist if you seek them out. A couple of my favorites include Cha Cha Chicken in Santa Monica and Mao's in Venice. Many of these establishments will have "rules" like beer and wine only, or a one bottle per head maximum. Then again I've never seen a Chinaman not accept a 5 dollar bill in exchange for a blind eye.

What this exercise often results in is full blown mayhem. 2 bottles of wine per head, a few rogue cases of beer and a rotating handle is sure to get your party blacked out in a hurry. Drinking games, chanting and obnoxious cheersing will ensue. But the most important message is to let everyone else in the restaurant know that they aren't having as much fun as you. Because it's always important to let the masses know where they stand in the grand scheme of things. They are the peasants that are lucky to be in the same venue as the lords and ladies they are among.

So after a few hours of servitude from some distressed waitress that inevitably doesn't speak English, and lording over a venue as if it were a territory in your Kingdom, it's time to go home, right? Wrong! This is where the female version of "dinner with friends" and my my version take hard and different paths. Dinner is not an excuse to get together with friends, catch up and perhaps over indulge only to go home and sleep it off. NO! It is an excuse to have a very public and obnoxious pregame, it's then off to the bar. It's a commonly accepted fact that going ham is much more fun in public than it is in the privacy of your own home. That is why people go to bars, otherwise they would just drink a handle in their own bedroom on a Saturday night and save $300. But that's fucking weak, nothing happens unless a shit ton of people see it, so this is why we are taking the pregame public. Sure consuming food is a basic human function, but there is no reason you can't do it whilst consuming $6 worth of wine. And no, I'm not talking about 1 glass, I'm speaking of 3 bottles of 2 buck Chuck.

So fear not my friends, Trader Joe's is open til 10 and if you live in a metro area, there is a Thai woman who wants to host your pregame. $20 and 2 hours later you should be well on the way to having the greatest night of your life. And it's such an easy sell to anyone "hey you want to do a big group dinner?" It sounds so innocent, if only they knew. Cancel your plans to go see The Five Year Engagement, or rather reschedule for Sunday at 5 and do a quick UrbanSpoon search for BYOB and start your weekend off right. We had a big week here in LA: 2 new jobs, a TV show wrapped, a pilot won the LA Comedy Festival, someone started writing for a major blog, life is good...what better way that to go eat some sushi with your guys? or girls...or both? And maybe polish a few gallons of vodka on the way. Speaking of those annoying cunts, what is the story with that blog...

*Does quick Google Search*

Ok, most recent post April 2011...so it's been dead a year...wait, what's that? A Dawson's Creek reference and a reference to the Skulls in the first sentence? (Imagine the Skulls, but without Pacey) I'm at a loss for words, maybe New Yorkers aren't that bad. Have a nice weekend, and don't worry about getting banned from your favorite BYOB restaurant after an especially raucous affair, I'm pretty sure foreigners view white people the same way as we view them, everyone looks the same.