Mile Highjinks

One of the stars of our show. He's not the Playboy model.

Is there really a greater weekend all year than this one? Few things are as American as ironically wearing a confederate swim-suit in an empty lot full of 10,000 other idiots and blasting some random chick in the family tent at night. Memorial Day weekend represents everything that I believe in…excessive drinking, the beginning of summer, the end of school, a day off from work and the Indianapolis 500.  Even though, I won’t be attending this year it brings a smile to my face to recollect on some of the fondest memories I’ve had in that coke lot. I’ve set couches on fire, watch someone cut their intestines open while slip n sliding over a broken glass bottle, I’ve seen people collapse of heat stroke and I’ve seen a 65 year old woman’s tits. Welcome to Indiana.

Though the crew dwindled every year, I always looked forward to hijinks at the Speedway, and after a sweltering 2010 even I packed it in last year and just took a party bus to the track. Alas I won’t even be making it to the race this year, but I did want to give some quick advice to those who might be making their first pilgrimage to the track.

-       It’s going to be 95 degrees on Sunday. Bring at least 3 gallons of water per person. Bring sunscreen, 40 pounds of ice, lots of food…and 30 beers per person…you will run out.

-       Benny Benassi is playing the Snake Pit before the race on Sunday. Listening to Cinema on molly might sound good in theory, but I assure you that the last thing you want to do in 95 degree weather in the beating sun and during a 5 hour race is to further your body’s dehydration.

-       Go out in Broad Ripple Friday night, hang out at a pool all day Saturday, aspire to have your tent pitched downtown by 5pm…make sure setting up the tent is the first thing you do, it’s not an activity that is enjoyable while blacked out.

-       Stop drinking after lap 150 if you want to have a chance of driving home.

-       The coke lot is fucking huge, don’t waste your entire Saturday night/Sunday morning wandering around looking for people, join someone’s epic set up contribute some tailgating games and have people come to you.

Have fun everyone, I wish I could be there…but I’m going on a little trip a mile high to become famous, in fact let’s have a little chat about that.

Last time I went to Denver I went to go on a ski trip with a bunch of friends and 2 chicks. Said chicks misinterpreted how we advertised our version of a ski trip. In the kingdom of bro, “ski trip” means…ski from 8am-4pm. Drink from 5pm-5am, get your 3 hours of rest, rinse and repeat. Some people can’t handle that lifestyle.

This time we are going to film a tv show and throw an edm concert. We got 2 new chicks, a playboy bunny and a DJ. I was very, very transparent on the type of things that we would be getting into this trip. We even had a party on a Wednesday night as an audition to make sure these girls were on board with late night raging and belligerent antics, they passed. (Note: I did not clear this with the La Quinta Inn Cherry Creek, so if you live in Denver and you get a call from me at 5am this weekend, it most likely means we have been evicted and I need to sleep on your couch.)

So what the fuck are we doing in Denver? What is my involvement and why am I writing about it now? My roommate throws shows…more specifically college ragers with DJ’s. This Sunday specifically he is taking Sebastian Ingrosso of Swedish House Mafia to University of Denver. Furthermore, we are filming a television pilot of a reality show that chronicles the Glowfest production team and myself as we tour the universities of the country throwing concerts and exploring our surroundings accordingly. It may not be the highest concept show competing for airtime, but it’s a fuck ton better than storage wars.

My role is to chronicle the whole thing the way I know best, by writing. With little other responsibility on the road, I expect to be quite the wild card and to often get in trouble. I don’t really know much about music but I’ll be focusing more on what else every city offers. Famous bars, sweet rivers to white water raft, cool bridges to bungee jump…that’s my shit. What we have is a mash up of Anthony Bourdain, Real World and Behind the Music. Check back often while I’m on trips with the tour to see what’s happening in real time, or follow me on Twitter to find out what’s good on the road.

Every drunk guy that has ever been over-confident has said something along the lines of: “dude we should totally film our lives. We’re so awesome.” I’m not awesome (well, I’m pretty cool,) but I also know that when you see a car stalled on the tracks get smoked by a speeding train, it’s hard to look away. Often times, that’s what life on the road can be akin to. 

And even if our pilot doesn’t sell it will be evidence some day that one time, long ago we fucking nutted up and did one of those ideas you come up when you are super loose at 4 in the morning. And there is obviously the possibility that I will completely ruin my image by doing this, but let’s be honest I have enough skeletons in my closet that running for public office is highly unlikely. In fact I’m pretty sure I’m on Bloomington’s Most Wanted list, even though I routinely cruise into town leave it in pieces and hop on a flight back to the west coast laughing. For those of you that are around this weekend, we would love to see you and rage…maybe you’ll get a cameo in episode 1 and have all your long lost friends and relatives write on your Facebook wall like I did last week. And remember, no MDMA this weekend at the track.

Next stop: Denver.