Single Dude Mailbag #1

Dear Single Dude,

So I’ve had this crush on a coworker for a while now. We flirt all day on Gchat and just recently after a work happy hour we left together and made out in a shared Uber back to her place (it was a school night so I too went home) What are your experiences dating a coworker? Great idea? Terrible idea? I’m fairly sure she is open to the idea, but I wanted some advice.

-Anonymous

Thanks for reaching out anonymous! I’m certain that every advice column ever has posed a version of this question, but I probably have a different answer than most. I have dated in some form or another a coworker at every job I’ve ever had with varying results. Best case scenario, my roommate ended up fucking her, worst case scenario, I had my heart broken.

It always starts off fun, because it’s a bit taboo. I had sex in the copy room once, I got road head after a Pier concert WHILE SHE WAS DRIVING. This is cool. What comes next is not. Part of the glory of dating someone in your 20’s is getting to go home to your own space and your own shit. Hell, even if you live with someone, going to work can be a respite. YOU NEED THESE BREAKS. If you see someone at the office every day, you will grow to be annoyed with them and eventually hate them.

First it will start as some petty work related argument, but then other shit will come up. “You never file these reports right, JUST LIKE YOU NEVER EMPTY THE DISHWASHER!” It always ends in despair or her blaming you for giving her herpes (only to call you back later to say it was only an ingrown hair.) Avoid the work place romance, but if you absolutely have to, stick to a blowjob. A blowjob is like N Sync, No Strings Attached.

Yo Broeller,

I’m thinking about moving to LA. Talk me out of it/into it.

-REDACTED

Fuck yes you should move to LA. Living anywhere else in the world is irrational!

I’m kidding, well kind of...let’s just walk that back a bit to start.

Why do you want to move to LA? I just wrote Monday about the dangers of moving somewhere on a whim due to a Quarter Life Crisis. Did you go through a bad break up and want to reinvent yourself? If so, you can still move to LA but I would urge some due diligence before uprooting your life.

But maybe you’re just bored in Chicago and there is nothing left there for you. Your company has an office out here and would be more than willing to let you transfer? Come Septemeber 1^st, enjoy that Chi Town summer.

Here’s the deal: LA (specifically the West Side) is almost perfect. Every day is a post card and the people are almost mellow to the level of annoyance. Everything is a bit more expensive, but a lot of the shit people do here (hike, surf, bike) is free. We have free concerts on the beach. The women (and men) are gorgeous and there is constantly something to do. I hate the cold weather unless I’m shredding the gnar and generally enjoy going to the beach. I also have zero familial commitments back home (nieces/nephews a girlfriend) I have a go bag packed and I could bounce at any moment and be gone for a year.

But know this: if you are stuck in a rut at KPMG and you want to quit your job to become a screenwriter you will essentially reset your life to 22. Nothing you have done the past 4-8 years matters. You will get an entry level job and all of your friends will be 22. I lived in Chicago for 2 years that were essentially a waste. I moved here at 24 and now every single one of my friends (that I met out here) is 2 years younger than me. (Which I secretly dig because it let’s me mature slower) SO if you are 29, just saw the Entourage movie and now you want to be super agent Ari Gold, you will be the weird old friend in the group forever. It’s not that bad, it’s like pledging as a Sophomore, you’ll generally be accepted but something will always be off.

That said, the drugs are pretty cheap, no one is getting married and banging younger more attractive chicks isn’t frowned upon. I live 4 blocks from the beach in a dope apartment and pay $800 a month and Uber is so cheap here that my shackers don’t even ask for rides home.

What the fuck am I talking about? You should definitely move to LA.

You can e-mail dbmoelle@indiana.edu (fuck ya I still have my college email address) to have your questions answered in the Single Dude mailbag.