Disturbing Behavior

I've often wondered who are those miserable cunts of people that call in the noise violations on a Saturday night at midnight. Instead of complaining about the noise why don't you go to a bar like a normal person or join the party or move to the fucking burbs. Cities are for young people and ballers, and if you are a boss you don't live next door to the twenty somethings that are licking molly until 6 in the morning. If you are going to live in a young area and complain about the collateral damage, you should be taken out to pasture and shot. I often scheme about the horrible things I could do to these people...emotional torture, anonymous threats, maybe a good old roadkill in the mailbox...

Then this weekend happened and I gained a new perspective. After waking up in the morning at 7 am, driving from Boulder to Breckenridge, skiing 6 hours at Keystone, we did what any normal person would do: we went directly to the liquor store and bought a handle and 4 cases, checked into our lodge and instantly began drinking. Once we had finished the handle and about 100 beers we went out to the bar until 2 am drinking rumplemintz and trying to pick up sluts at which point we came back to our condo and resumed drinking until 5 o clock in the morning while trying to map out the entirety of Indiana's Greek system in infographic form connecting people by sexual partners.

At around 5 in the morning while one of my friends was busy spinning records one of the females we were with came upstairs and had a minor temper tantrum. Apparently our behavior is not socially acceptable for that of a group of 25 year olds on vacation. After some veiled threats we were coerced into going to sleep (she's lucky no one had a prescription for diet coke.)

The next morning the guys had a laugh about it, but the girls really weren't pleased. In a way they were very displeased with the amount of sleep they had received due to our rude antics. One even referenced it as the "worst night of her life." At the same time though there was this peculiar fascination, "how are you awake and going skiing right now after getting 3 hours of sleep?" I don't know, that's just what you fucking do.

As the trip went on and the guys became collectively more and more intoxicated, old frat stories surfaced about who banged who's girlfriend in a hot tub on Spring Break or who got an old fashioned that was captured on the house's video surveillance system. The difference between the groups became more and more clear. It was a mixture of absolute disgust and morbid curiosity. Why would we be friends with someone who openly attempted to breastfeed from a woman in the bleachers of Wrigley Field during a day game? Because that's legendary, right?

Saturday after another long day on the slopes we found out about some EDM show in Breck and pregamed by playing a drinking game in which all cards are dealt to the players whoever draws the 8 of hearts must drink 2 beers in under 2 minutes or thus receives a lifetime ban...incredibly high stakes. Once again this drinking for the sake of blacking out to go rage didn't seem to strike a chord with our female counterparts. (To be fair it's not drinking for the sake of blacking out, it's drinking for the sake of being so inebriated that you don't find it awkward to ask a girl to come back to the 5 bed party loft, which is essentially a cold dorm) Fortunately, for all parties involved there was no alcohol to be found after we got home from said concert and the girls had planned ahead and purchased industrial strength earplugs so not to be disturbed.

By Sunday I found myself thinking maybe WE are the problem. Maybe when you go on a ski trip, it's to ski and not to rage and hit on girls wearing spirit hoods. Maybe being a "bro" is like being the 1%. The reason you feel like society is against you is because they are. I suppose most people didn't go to a giant state school and feel the elation of having the entire social scene swinging from their nuts. Polite conversation revolves around goings on in the world, situations at work, not the fact that you recently switched to gin because you have noticed a significant decline is whiskey dick. Maybe me and my boys just need to grow the fuck up. Ya it's vacation but there comes a point when you start enjoying the trip and maybe relaxing as opposed to looking for a way to sneak a keg past the security guard at the hot tub. Your wife may frown on you in the near future if she spots you attempting to teach your young children how to play grenades.

So Sunday night we went to a brewery, had a few pints, had some solid conversation and turned in around 1. It pained me so hard to not go in to Celia's and play the "last night" card on some dumb floozey. But that would be immature and the prudent thing to do would be go back to the cabin and pack. I had practical things to do in the morning, check out, work, return my skis and maybe take a nice stroll around the city before heading back to Boulder.

We get back to Boulder at around 10pm. 5:30am departure for the airport. Go home and go to bed, it's going to be an early morning. But....we haven't eating since apris ski at 4...we've never been out in Boulder before...the top 50 college bars list just came out and number 3 is only a block away....

We'll go. For dinner.

Well as you might have guessed, it turns out that the Catacombs bar at Boulder was having a Project X party that included all you can drink for free and a performance from my main man Pusha T of the hip hop duo Clipse.

Yep, previous 3 paragraphs redacted. This was a sign from the bro gods to get my head out of my ass. Some people gain pleasure out of naps and reading before bed, I like playing foosball in a crowded bar with hot chicks while Skrillex plays in the background. (Note: This bar totally deserves it's ranking. The amenities at this place included but were not limited to: foosball, pool tables, ping pong, Mortal Kombat 3 Ultimate Edition, Turtles in Time and at least one featured dollar drink every night.)

We are always going to find that we are different from people, while I may not respect or agree with anyone else's lifestyle choices I will at least understand. There is nothing wrong with me or you if you aren't like me. Some people probably read this blog to have more reasons to hate me, some probably want the catharsis of knowing that there is someone else out there like you. I can tell you this though from a basic economic view point. Humans are conditioned to behave in ways that incentivize them. I do whatever is going to make me happy and I am never going to stop acting that way. So while you may think going to a concert and asking for tickets is sophomoric, it brings a fucking smile to my face, I like to go absolutely HAM. The same way that other people like being recognized for their excellent work in the office or receiving a nice note from a friend, if that shit makes you happy, you should act in ways that make it happen...because to do otherwise, would be disturbing.