The Drought

There has been a can of Old Milwaukee NA in my refrigerator since March 2^nd. March 2^nd was the date of this year’s Academy Awards ceremony. I had a party, it was fun. We made buffalo dip, drank red wine and half of my guests laid on a mattress that I threw on the floor for additional seating. It was a classy affair.

One of the guys that showed up at my soiree was in town on vacation, visiting a mutual friend. I was of course perplexed when he arrived with a case of non-alcoholic beer, especially Old Milwaukee. He simply justified it by saying “I’m not really drinking right now, but you gotta have beer.”

This whole time that rogue OM NA has been sitting in my fridge (yes he knocked back 11 non-alcoholic beers during the broadcast) I have been unable to figure out what that was all about. I’ve always thought people that didn’t drink were extremely weird and/or suffocatingly self-righteous. “Oh you don’t have to get fucked up to have a good time.” Insert Christian Bale “OHHHHHH GOOOOD FOR YOU”

Until now.

So here is the deal. I’ve had a few things lately that did not go the way I wanted to. These were things largely outside my control, so I have a choice. I can wallow in my own misery about how the world has seemingly conspired against me, or I can do something about it.

I chose action. Sometimes you need to do something to shake things up a bit, grab a fresh perspective so for the month of June (well I technically drank during game 7, and this challenge is ending June 28^th…but DETAILS) I am going to stop drinking.

This is not a plea for recognition nor an indictment on hard boozing. I’ve had some of the best times of my life whilst in the midst of a long bender. I know this is something people do all the time to zero fanfare, but it’s just something that I want to do right now, and this will help me be accountable. And whatever, you guys come here to read about my life, and this is what’s happening right now.

I haven’t given anything up since Kindergarten. I gave up playing video games for lent and then on the second to last day I went to Jason Gordon’s 5^th birthday party and broke the fast by playing Turtles in Time. (A somewhat justifiable action) During that time I have done things and stopped. Trust me, if it’s bad for you, I did it for a while, but this will be the first time that I am really stepping outside my comfort zone.

I probably haven’t gone a week without booze in 10 years. I don’t know if that is pathetic or inevitable, it’s not like I necessarily got bombed every night. But when I look back I don’t see any prolonged illness or injury that would have prevented me from drinking, so I just assume I did.

The problem I am trying to correct is with my life outlook. In the past whenever anything shitty has happened, I think to myself, whatever, if I can just make it to Friday, I will be surrounded by friends and I can have fun. Looking forward to Friday is fine for now I suppose, but it’s also a good way to watch life pass you by, while my piers are out making their dreams come true, I’m crawling by to the next party. Where this inevitably leads is being 30 with not a whole lot of future prospects, and all your friends have left the party for something more substantial.

I’ve been dancing through life like a wannabe Fyerro for too long, and it’s time to do something about it. Perhaps the month of June is not an ideal time to start such an undertaking, but I suppose nervous breakdowns don’t always conveniently come in February. Here’s the thing, it’s LA, it’s beautiful every day, and I would argue this will give me a chance to enjoy my surroundings as opposed to waking up every Saturday and running to a pub.

But moreover, I have a plan! In the next 28 days I will knock out a feature and a new half hour sit-com. The feature is an action comedy about a terrorist taking over the Universal Studios lot, and the new pilot will probably borrow a lot from what I will go through in the coming weeks. Also, my wrist is better, I’m going to bike and surf and run a shit ton, who knows, maybe I’ll slightly improve my overall health.

I tried to change my image a few months back, but my motivation was suspect. I was trying to change myself to impress a girl. And it worked…for a while. It wasn’t long until I was exposed as a fraud and the whole house of cards fell apart. See the thing is, you can’t change yourself unless you want to. You can’t change how people feel about you, and your circumstances probably won’t change if you just sit around and wait for the universe to do you a favor.

I may crash and burn by this coming Saturday and all of the people that have every doubted me will be proven right to a certain extent, or maybe I won’t. Somewhere along the way I lost faith in myself, and I don’t know why.  I used to shit on people that didn’t make it into the business school at IU, let alone a bunch of chumps that went to directional schools and satellite campuses. I’m a fucking killer, I’m still better than all those punks and it’s just a matter of time before I rise to the top again. I relied on the wrong people and that’s what it took for me to realize that I have to actively participate in my life, do not pass the ball as the shot clock counts down, knock the fucking three down at the buzzer.

And June 28^th, I will drink several gallons of vodka on the way to Santa Anita…or maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll have a few beers or maybe I’ll just go for the good company.

And if you’re around this month and want to do something awesome, please hit me up. Just remember to bring the NAs.

Oh shit. It’s real now.