I remember because Monday was one of the only nights in college that it was tough to get people to go out. My parents had been in town the previous weekend to take me to dinner, likely give me four new North Face fleeces and enough cash to get me through another semester at Kilroy's. I figured my birthday celebration was essentially over.
But then I got a text from some girls, "We're coming over to pregame in an hour, wear pink."
And so it was that on my 20th birthday, I went out with my roommates and about seven chicks in a full pink out like only a true asshole could. I believe i put $20 in the Jukebox to ensure that nothing but Britney Spears would play all night.
And then of course there are the glorious pass out pics...
And probably 748 pictures of me in some variation of these two shirts because i refused to leave the house without a fresh horse or a gator.
But in fairness, social media was weird in 2007. Facebook wall flirting was a thing before BBM flirting was a thing. Everyone was so public with their lives and we all lived in a glorious stakes free utopia.
And I'm sure if I could ask that kid in the pink outfit where he saw himself in 10 years, he probably wouldn't have said living in Venice with two roommates and a cat.
I'm sure back then I thought I would be married by 30. I would have a 401k and maybe own a house. I would be well on my way to fatherhood. I would spend an irrational amount of time making sure my son was good at sports so I could form an alliance with the other cool sports dads.
Honestly, I didn't ever think I would leave Indiana, let alone the Midwest, I was prepared to be a total shithead in college, pop culture prepares us with films such as Animal House or PCU. But then I just kind of assumed that after graduation a light would pop on in my head and I would be ready to move on. Ready to grab life by the horns and really make a difference in the world.
But what I found out along with all my fellow Millenial snowflakes is that light didn't pop on for all of us. Contemporary shows such as Girls or Love, even slightly older movies like Garden State strike a chord with some sort of 20's angst that didn't seem to exist 30 years ago. Almost every person I know had some sort of quarter life crisis at 25 and did something rash: quit their job, ended a relationship, moved to Denver, this seems to be a recent phenomenon. I don't think my dad had a quarter life crisis, he married my mom when he was 24, kicked it for 6 years, bought two houses, had a kid. At the same age, I have gone through a dozen jobs and share a bathroom with two grown men (and a cat.)
I know not everyone hit this rut, I have plenty of friends who got married, bought that house and are ready for kids. I often think to myself, 'is there something wrong with me?' because while I acknowledge that those things are nice, I'm not really driven by them. I am driven by a desire to create. (Oh god that is so pretentious, my address is 627 westminster venice, ca 90291 please someone cove over here and punch me in the face) But more over I am driven by a desire to make enough money to live the life I desire.
People always ask me where I see myself in five years and it's a question I never really consider. If you look up at the pictures of my younger self you will see the face of a guy who is clearly living in the moment. Back then I wasn't thinking about the next 5 days, let alone the next 5 years. I always kinda thought everything would just work itself out, and I suppose it has to a degree. Although I'm probably not where society deems I should be at this age, I am happy.
I haven't cleaned my room or made my bed in 3 weeks. The last girl I dated broke up with me because I didn't text her at all during a two day hangover...but I did see the suns set on the ocean last night.
Youth is a subset of life insomuch there is a large degree of give and take. I sacrificed a traditional path for the story. I may still be very much a fledgling writer in LA when I probably could have done better elsewhere, but I have seen some shit.
As my mother puts it, "you're definitely living life."
And so as I reflect upon entering my fourth decade I wonder what it is I'm really looking for? Is there still a path for me that includes marriage and kids as well as a rewarding career? Sure.
Is it equally likely that I will live out my days as a starving artist type bachelor? Maybe.
The truth is, I don't know. I suppose if I could change one thing with my current situation I would give myself a nice Executive Story Editor gig on a show like 'Love' I would make $6,000 a week and it would be awesome.
But I would probably still stay in hostels when I travel abroad. That's just how I role I suppose. If I told you this was exactly how I drew up my life, it would be the biggest lie I ever told., but I think for the first time in my life I am OK admitting that I have no idea what I'm doing, I'm just hoping for the best. Maybe it took me ten years to realize it's ok not to have the answers. Living life one day at a time and praying for better results isn't an entirely terrible way to go through life.
So as I spend these last few days in my 20's reflecting on the past 10 years of my life, I'm reminded of something a good friend told me the day I turned 20.
You are now a Sophomore in life.
"Huh?"
Well if you assume an 80 year life, you are now in the 2nd quarter of that.
It's a fairly prescient metaphor. Freshman year of college you are really figuring out your place, just as the first 20 years of life you are trying to find your way in the world. The next 20 years or so you rise up. Junior year you dominate. Senior year you coast and wait for it to end.
It's always delighted me at what a perfect microcosm college is for the real world.
I'm heading to Vegas tomorrow for my 30th birthday and although I probably won't wear the full pink outfit, there is a strong chance I'll end up at a Britney Spears concert. I may pass out on a couch, and there will almost definitely be a photo of me with an inappropriate amount of buttons dropped.
Perhaps I haven't changed that much in 10 years.
But the good thing is that I'm still a Sophomore in life. I've got plenty of time to find my place, determine my path and no matter what that path holds I can learn to accept that. Sometimes I think I get too stressed out in my own head, worrying about these arbitrary checkpoints as life passes me by when I know that everyone finds their own way in their own time. I may not objectively have a lot to show for my 20's yet I find myself in a city I love surrounded by people that I deeply care about, and maybe you just can't ask for much more than that.
So instead of taking this time to write my own epitaph, I will embrace 30, the best lies yet ahead. It would be a real shame to have peaked already, so I eagerly anticipate the challenges that await me.
Because now at 30, I am second semester Sophomore in life...
And judging by my 2007 Facebook wall, this semester is going to be fucking lit.
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