Tuesday, February 25, 2014


1. The Curious Case of Boo the Dog

This is Boo the dog.

This is Boo the dog.


This is Boo the dog, and some other average dog.

Pictured on the let is Boo's "brother" Buddy. Now if you aren't one of Boo's 20 billion Facebook friends, let me give you a little background. Boo is a Pomeranian that lives in Silicon Valley with a mid level Facebook exec. Boo is endorsed by Virgin Airlines, Tory Birch and several other local SF companies. Boo looks like a cross between a bear and a stuffed animal, but the truth is, he's just a photogenic dog that gets groomed twice a week. Boo has been on Good Morning America, Today, hell I think he met with world leaders at a G 8 conference.

Basically Boo is a boss in every conceivable way.

But people get too much of something and they want more.
Some time back Buddy started making a rare cameo in Boo's semi weekly Facebook posts. These posts were never my favorite, it was like a nice celebrity nude still but it had some guy's dick in it. Sure, I still want to see Kristin Davis naked, so I'll endure said cock, but it's not preferable.

However, over time Buddy started showing up more and more, until some days it was just fucking Buddy, pressing the analogy further, it was like I was now just looking at an erect dick, that the hot chick from Sex and the City sucked once.

It's not that Buddy is a horrible looking dog, in fact he's a much better looking dog than most. He's just not Boo. And he never will be no matter what.

After Boo, expectations were through the roof. Like a great movie that spawns just an average sequel. If Buddy was just some dog on the internet that someone through up one day and said, hey this is my dog, what do you thing? I'm sure support would be fairly positive. I thought Anchorman 2 was a let down, because nothing was going to top the original, but had it been first, I'm sure I would have thought it to be hilarious.

The point is, this is an exercise in managing expectations. This blog has long been a supporter of saying fuck it and chasing your dreams, but that doesn't mean that you have to be absolutely devastated if your dream doesn't come true tomorrow. Greatness takes patience, and a stellar follow-up is not always guaranteed, look at the parable of Boo...to be great consistently you have to change your approach once in a while.

2. Is passion a good thing?
Testosterone is likely the leading cause of all bad decisions made by men. Now it is used in conjunction with other things, anger, jealousy, drunkeness...one does not simply make bad decisions just by the nature of having a Y chromosome. I feel like almost all bad decisions could be alleviated by jerking off and/or sobering up. When a girl approaches you at a bar and offers you a blow job you should be given a requisite 5 minute window in which you make go jerk off and then decide. Is this gutter monkey's BJ worth a decision that will impact the rest of my life. Well if you jerk off and maybe pound a couple waters you will decide one of two things. 1. Wow, I don't want to destroy my life over a drunken/testosterone fueled mistake. Glad there is a universal 5 minute socially acceptable jerk off window. 2. Dammit why did I just jerk off when there was a perfectly nice slut ready to give me a blow job. I've been drinking and doing cocaine tonight, how will I ever get hard again...plus I should probably break up with my girlfriend when I wake up, she doesn't make me happy anymore. Also never get in a bar fight, it never seems that awesome the next day, unless you won and got away with it.

I know it's weird, but...you know just a thought.

3. 10,000
I learned 3 things this week on my ski trip.
A. You cannot hang loose wearing mittens. Always wear gloves when skiing.
II. The person to go first in Cards Against Humanity (According to the official rules) is the last person to poop. This is the funniest thing of all time.
Three. All draft beer in Utah must be 3.2% or less. This is bullshit.

I also did some reading on the plane, I'm re-reading outliers right now because it's a solid talking point and when you read non-fiction people assume you are interesting. Also because I think it's hilarious that Malcolm Gladwell and Drake have the same ethnic breakdown and one looks like a rapper...
And the other looks like a Jewish Q-tip that got electrocuted...

Yes, that fucker is a Canadian half jew half black in fact he's even more OG than Drake because his mom is fresh off the boat from Jamaica. He is also an economic genius and likes to write fun little anecdotes that teach you about the world. Like Freakonomics before that was a thing.

I've discussed this theory before on my blog, Gladwell did a study with classically trained violinists or some shit. The best violinists in the world have spent 10,000 hours practicing, and once they broke that mark they became master soloists, among the top 100 in the world.

I have probably spent 10,000 hours breathing and sleeping. I consider myself masters of both. I've spent probably 3,000 hours writing, so I still have a ways to go. And likely 10,000 hours partying. (10 years 2 nights a week, 5 hours a day that's a little over 5000 just in weekends, I probably got the other 5000 during college weeknights, day drinking and abroad) So I am also a master partier...but unfortunately I am not one of those Vegas douche bags that gets paid to rage...man did I fuck up by not following up on that Real World audition. I left one of my tailgate parties Senior year in a Chi O bar crawl shirt that I had hulk hogan'd off and then retied together. I was dripping beer, wearing floaties and had an American Flag swimsuit on.

Do you know how Laguna Beach was started? MTV producers went to the biggest richest school in Orange County and asked the students, "Who do we need to meet?" The answer was universally Stephen Colletti. He ran the show. So they found this young cocky kid who was simultaneously banging two hot chicks and ran with it. Granted he was poor (relatively) going to the school on some trust from his grandfather but they ran with it regardless and whenever there were house exteriors necessary they would show Lauren Conrad's estate.

I like to think I probably looked like Stephen Colletti that day. When they asked me where I had come from I said something along the lines of, 'can we make this quick? I need to get back to the kiddie pool at my party'

I got a call back but I was a serious business student back then, now I write a blog about cute pomeranians and the long term emotional health benefits of masturbating in the public restroom of a bar. You never know when life will come full circle.

4. Will we ever learn?
In our first story we met Boo the dog.  Boo is the world's cutest dog, but as Boo's owner saturated the market with a second cute dog that wasn't as cute, she lowered the intrinsic value of Boo. (Boo is more popular than ever, but trust me he is peaking, more dogs will come) Remember when Abercrombie added abercrombie kids and now the short kids in your middle school class could wear it? Sure there was an initial profit surge, but over time, that shit just wasn't cool anymore.

Next we learned about all the bad decisions that are made with a dick while intoxicated, while I provided no hard evidence, I laid out a theory that people cheat because they are either unhappy or horney. Is there really any middle ground? People make choices based on what they are feeling in the moment, unless they have the foresight to see the consequences for their future actions, so are our emotions helping us or hurting?

Lastly, the 10,000 hours. Not everyone that does something for 10,000 hours will become a master in their field, but if you're doing something you love it will have been time well spent any way. Modern economics books would tell you that if you name your child something ethnic, they are fucked. No one wants to hire a T-a (pronounced Tadasha) on a blind resume selection because they will assume that anyone who would name their child T-a is a hood rat, and their child is too. But Broellernomics would tell you to do whatever the fuck you want, as often as you fucking can. Because best case scenario, you will become very fucking good at it, right? And maybe what you have become a master at is something trivial like the Australia strategy in Risk or some obscure non-olympic sport like beach tennis. But you know what? Even if you still suck 10,000 hours later, at least you had a good time, and isn't that what it's all about? Strong mental health will help you live longer, and then you can do whatever the fuck you want 10,000 hours more.