Friday, February 21, 2014

Life Update: Still a Disaster

I'm going to make an assumption. If you are reading this word vomit that I call a blog, you have abused adderall. Usually making an assumption falls under one of two fallacies, the hasty generalization or the slippery slope, but in this case I'm fairly certain, I ascertain a correct assumption.

Last night I abused adderall.

It started out well intentioned. My show is in the middle of an audit, which blows an enormous amount of dick. Thus while I was staying late and uploading scores of bullshit files to our server, I popped an orange bomb.

The thought process was this. In the next 12 hours I need to.

1. Pack for a trip.
2. Entertain friends in town.
3. Purchase a wardrobe suitable for a mountain.
4. Buy a ski bag, you know so I don't show up to an airport with just a pair of skis and tell Southwest to 'Make these appear several states away.'
5. Get to work by 8 am the next day.

Well as you can imagine, only one of those came true, and I assure you it wasn't me getting to work on time.

It all seems feasible, going shopping, packing, partying when you have the POWER OF AMPHETAMINES. Unfortunately, the only shopping I did was for wine, and for whatever reason, it seemed like a great idea to get 3 bottles of wine for a "casual byob dinner."

Let me tell you something. There is no such thing as a casual BYOB dinner. If you attempt to go to Mao's and 'have a few beers' you will fail. You will black out and proceed to Townhouse where you will dance all night. This is fine, but didn't necessarily work into my whole, 'be responsible before this ski trip' thing.

I woke up this morning at 8:30 laying on a mountain of my 'clean' clothes that I had planned on packing for my trip. I through a pile of shirts in my car, my boots, skis and drove to work, ran upstairs in a panic and realized that America was already down 1-0.

It has been a stressful morning.

Here is what I do not have: A hat, gloves, ski bag, goggles, helmet (but I wouldn't have worn one anyway because I'm not a pussy) and anything that can be considered appropriate for cold weather.

Here is what I do have: A hangover, and a baggy of 1.5 ounce bottles of whiskey.

I imagine I'm just going to show up to the airport after work holding a bunch of shit and be like...um, hey so I drank last night. Maybe this kind of thing happens all the time and they have contingency plans for this sort of thing. Or maybe, they will look at me like I'm an absolute retard. Like who would have thought I've had this trip planned for 6 months, waited until the night before to plan anything and then blacked out instead. THANKS A LOT BEN!

So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to go to our costumes department because maybe Parenthood (sister show) did a ski trip episode in like season 2. And then maybe our props department will have like a large bag, or some tarp and tape and I can get my skis to Utah...or maybe not and I'll just be cursing myself at the ski shop checkout when I have to pay 1000 dollars to properly prep before shredding tomorrow.

But that chicken fried rice was bomb last night, and I'll never regret a drunken walk through the canals.

TL;DR Adderall will make you black out and ruin vacations

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