Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Clock Punchers

99% of my readers live in the midwest. The reason being is that 99% of my friends live in the midwest. I haven't really caught on here, it's not so much that being extremely fratty rubs people the wrong way out here. I might intimidate some people because I am large and imposing and most the people here are Jewish and frail, but I think the issue is deeply rooted in that I haven't had a coworker since I moved here and my best friend in LA also has no coworkers.

Thus I hang out with my 6 college buddies in LA And that's fine, we rip it up and we live on the beach, but I tell you this because I primarily write this blog for people that live thousands of miles away from me. Once in a while I like to give you a little peek behind the curtain. One because I think it's interesting, two because I am secretly recruiting you for my LA takeover.

The first thing I want to address is clock punching. None of you pretentious fucks in Chicago like your job. You work for a bank or some PR firm, you have a nice view, but at the end of the day, it would be better to sleep in until noon and then go to the Cubs game. Actually, scratch that. Not even getting drunk at a Cubs game is fun anymore. But you could perhaps go see a movie or visit the zoo and this would be vastly more enjoyable than balancing a quarterly budget.

Lots of your friends from college went to college to become teachers, mainly because they didn't want to have a real job and they figured they would marry into money eventually. But neither of those answers are socially acceptable so most people went with the "I want my summers off" excuse. That's fine, because working fucking sucks.

But did you know...most people in Los Angeles don't work full time?

Tada....the secret is out, you can live in LA comfortably and take a week off every month.

There are 2 sides to the entertainment industry. There is the development side. That would be like the people that work at studios, networks even talent and management agencies to a certain extent are on that side of the glass I suppose. Then there is physical production. These are the people that actually make the movie. This includes directors, actors, gaffers, best boy, propmaster, on set pa (ME) and all the other fucks that make a movie happen.

What's interesting is most of these people are all independent contractors. They are hired on a one off basis to work on a project, they get a ridiculous daily rate and probably work on average every other day. Sure there are gaffers (they handle set electrical work) out there that work a full schedule, but regardless they make $700 a day. So if you feel the need to work a week and live off your post tax 3 grand for the next 30 days you can do that. Or you could work a month straight and then go to Tahiti with a pile of cash.

There are no rules. Lots of these people get into unions and what not so they can get health care and all that good stuff, but really unions exist only to fuck producers into giving the members more money. If a meal is served more than 6 hours after a call time (when you have to arrive to work) BOOM meal penalty, more money in your pocket. Work more than 8 hours? Time and a half. Work more than 12 hours? Double time. Work 16 hours in a day? TRIPLE FUCKING TIME.

Fuck salary. So a gaffer with a $700/12 day rate can easily walk away from one day of work with a thousand dollars after a long day of shooting...and he's a glorified fucking electrician.

You want to make it in LA? Learn about lighting? Drive a truck, buy a camera. Learn final cut pro and hang out in an editing bay. $400 a day to grip. To fucking GRIP! Do you know what a grip does? He literally moves the lighting fixtures around and takes naps in between takes. Sound guys, that hold the fucking boom mic can make $500 a day.

Sure there is no job security, and there can be a lot of time in between jobs. Bogus right?
False! Every motherfucker in CA is collecting unemployment. Production companies will even work out shady under the table agreements with people to pay them for "production supplies" or "kit rentals" instead of paying them for work so the prod co can save on payroll tax and the employee can stay on unemployment.

It's a crooked machine, but this is how to survive.

I'm not saying that everyone should aspire to hang shit in the art department or join the teamster union, I'm just saying that if you enjoy movies and have a serious appreciation of 5 day weekends, you don't have to be a 6th grade math teacher.

And if you think that you may get bored in between jobs I suggest acquiring a musical instrument, a surfboard and a netflix account...and maybe even paying for premium porn because those days off are fucking great.

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