You look to your left. Slight panic. Where am I? A bed. Good
start. Have come to in much worse places. This is not a prison or a ditch.
Evaluate surroundings. Not my bed. That’s a body. Not attractive. At least
she’s female. So I’m at her place. Piece it together. I went out last night.
Hard. I blacked out. Jesus. When will I stop doing that. Did I bang this chick?
Unlikely. I blacked out. Not 19 anymore. Drunken erections not to be taken for
granted. Also that gram of blow I did. At least there is no need to worry about
condoms and pregnancies and stds. But wait. What if I went down on her. That’s
my move. It’s a classic go to. Fuck. Can vag herpes turn into mouth herpes? I
guess I would just call them cold sores. Those are gross though. It hurts when
you open your mouth. Whatever. I probably just came here and passed out. Where
are my pants. All the way over there? Why do I feel the need to dramatically
whip my jeans across the room? Maybe I can lean over and get them. She won’t
wake up. Fuck, this bed is high. Is that a thing? Don’t wake up, I’m leaning,
I’m reaching. Fuck. No chance. Oh shit, she’s moving. Do not roll over and
attempt to cuddle me. Please. Oh shit. Ok so the covers shifted around a bit. I
may have undersold her a bit. Nice tits. How am I going to get home. A cab
would be 90 bucks. I can’t justify that. Spent like an asshole last night. But
she’s not that bad. I;m digging that puffy nipple. Oh shit, I’m hard. Maybe I
poke her awake. But maybe she blacked out too and will be weirded out to find a
stranger in her bed. Is it wet on her side of the bed? Did she piss herself?
Fuck it. I’ll rub it on her thigh until I get a hand job minimum. I can
probably get a ride out of her. Unless she makes me take the bus. Or I could
abandon this plan and just try to sneak out. That won’t work. Oh shit, my
breath. Was I drinking tequila? Why. Quick strategic analysis, sneak out vs.
possible hand job and lift home. The dilemma.
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