A perfect example of this is my search for Coachella tickets. Last year there was a notoriously bad line-up at Coachella, but I didn't care because the point of going to Coachella is doing MDMA with a bunch of trust fund kids and douchebags. (Note: The Daily Beast only gets away with this article because it attacks upper middle class white culture. That said, never has being a douchebag seemed so fun!)
So I just assumed that I would again pay $150 this year and go party in the Sahara tent for 3 days.
NOT SO FAST!
Apparently the trust fund douche bag culture is peaking this year as there are tickets currently selling on Craigslist for over $1000. Either that or there are some hipsters that REALLy want to see a couple washed up rappers or a middle-aged black person. So when I heckled all my friends that tried to sell me a weekend 2 pass for face saying "only an IDIOT pays full price for Coachella" well now I truly am the asshole.
It's nice though, to get knocked off your pedestal once in a while.
Sometimes, maybe on a morning where I have kissed a girl the night before, I will walk into a Starbucks with some sort of unearned swagger and spew out some bullshit like "I'll have a trip CDL grande no whip" and it just TOTALLY FALLS FLAT.
Everyone in the coffee shop will look at me like "what the fuck is that buddy? you just creating crazy acronyms for no reason?" Then I will feel immense shame and whisper cinnamon dulce latte and don't worry about the extra shot or the no whip...Um here's 5 bucks for the tip jar, I'm sorry.
I feel the same way about when I get coffee shamed by the snobs at Intelligentsia, like how could I not know which fair trade blend of beans I wanted, what a dickhead I am.
But it's nice. These moments remind me to be humble. Arrogance rarely gets me where I need to be, but sometimes when I color within the lines, things work out for me. Here is a story from my early childhood in which I wasn't a cocky fucktard and things worked out. I sent this out to all of NBCTV a couple weeks ago in a general office email, because...why the hell not?
May 10, 1994 there was a total solar eclipse in Indianapolis, IN. All the first graders at Amy Beverland Elementary were told not to look at the sun or you would go blind and die. I stared at the ground all day only to find out that all the other kids totally watched it. They made fun of me until I cried and I was devastated as there would not be another Indy solar eclipse in my lifetime.
Such a 6 year old perspective, to think that I would never move out of my home town. Almost a bit precious...we continue.
Nearly 18 years later to the day I was at the Hudson block party (what happened to that?) watching Haim perform "The Wire" and I caught wind that a total solar eclipse was happening. I stared right at that sun for a full 5 minutes, I was blind for two days but it was totally worth it. Now Haim is headlining Coachella and one of the kids that made fun of me lives at home with his parents.
And the moral of the story is...WAIT. I still don't have a ticket to Coachella. So let's rework that ending.
Now Haim is headlining Coachella and I will be live-streaming poolside while I wait for my 13 house-mates to come home and afterparty with me...still better than living in Geist.
Oh, who am I kidding, I'll totally pull a hail mary and get a ticket (or get in, I doubt that fence line is 100% secure) Enjoy the molly you douche bags!
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