Today on Facebook I linked to keynote speech Mark Duplass delivered at SXSW this year. The message was simple. Stop making excuses and go make shit. He tells tales of shooting shitty shorts for no money, stealing from Best Buy and making movies in his apartment. You probably didn't watch, because well, I don't watch any of the stupid shit that you post. But seriously, just watch it now.
Aren't you fucking pumped? Don't you want to run through a brick wall? I don't care if you don't want to make movies, this should inspire you to do whatever the fuck it is you want to do, be it crappy design projects on Etsy or scaling fucking Everest.
Over the past couple years I've spouted out a bunch of bullshit that hasn't come to fruition. I discussed writing a memoir, but then I got discouraged about the self-indulgent and quite honestly repellant nature about what I had to say and abandoned it.
But you know what? I could just as easily expand on a few stories from this blog, add a couple new ones and self publish it on Amazon. I could call it something like Eight Balls and Food Stamps (the Walmart version could be called iPads and Food Stamps) In fact I started this a few weeks ago and I'm pleased with the progress. It's not high art, but maybe people will have a laugh about the time I blacked out in France, woke up in Italy and got beat up by a bum. Sounds like a good bathroom read.
Similarly last summer I announced a podcast that is yet to come to fruition. It takes a lot of equipment and technical skill that I lack.
But you know what? I could just as easily record some shit on an iPhone and just throw it up on here. I've got a working title "Always West of Lincoln" and a signature segment planned called "Why are you Hungover?" It's basically an unedited recap of your weekend and why myself (and a guest) feel like dog shit on a Sunday night. Jurassic Park 4 was in development for 10 years, my podcast was only announced in August. I think it may still happen.
So the point is, I'm a violent offender of this. I should stop talking about this shit and just do it. About the only thing I have ever maintained a commitment to is this blog. I get emailed leads for other writing opportunities once in a while but I never follow up because I'm scared.
Well no more of that bullshit. It's over.
So let's make a fucking movie.
I don't know much about directing, lighting, camera work. If we make a movie, it will probably be shitty, but here is what I do know...
-My neighbor has a nice camera. We could probably use it.
-My roommate's girlfriend has a cool apartment. We could probably use it.
-My roommate works in a subterranean office space on the beach. It has a bar. We could probably use it.
-I have an apartment. I have a car. I work in a large office park in Santa Monica. We can use all of those.
So there we go, we have four locations, we can illegally sneak a quick beach shot and a few establishing shots of Venice.
Boom. So now we have enough for a microbudget feature that takes place in an office, two apartments and a bar.
Now we need a premise. It could literally be anything, well anything that could feasibly take place in those 4 locations. Coming of age dramedy would be best, because that's what I'm ok at. There should be 2-4 main characters. We can round up the homies for party scenes.
So how do we get a premise? I don't know, think about anything that has bugged you in the past couple of weeks. I've been thinking about hitting up an open mic and here are a few of the bits I have planned.
1. Girls on the Bachelor saying the wrong shit (they shouldn't brag about dead husbands, they should brag about their father's wealth)
2. How I can be friends with a gay guy and friends with a guy that doesn't drink, but probably not a gay guy that doesn't drink.
3. The flakiness of drug dealers (or why you would expect someone who deals drugs to be reliable)
Of those three topics, which is most conducive to a dialogue heavy film that takes place in very few locations over maybe as little as one night? How about option 3.
Hoping to impress a girl in Joshua Tree the following day, Dave and his female neighbor spend an evening trying to track down a bag of mushrooms in Venice.
Boom, how easy is that? Not strikingly original, but decent enough. It's a character piece. You can open it 5 O'clock on Friday, Dave is supposed to pick up from a co-worker who fucks up (my office) then he goes to his neighbor's house to discuss a contingency plan (my apartment) they get a hot lead that someone at a cool Venice Pregame knows a guy (my roommate's girlfriend's apartment) they hit some guy up and wait around all night, he never shows. They decide to hit up a bar to try another bad lead. (My roommate's office) But Dave sees the girl he has a crush on who he is supposed to go to Joshua Tree with the next day and she's making out with some other dude and they go home together. BUMMMMMMER. Dave and his neighbor go back to her house to get drunk, they've been miserable all night waiting for drug dealers and hanging out with hipster dickheads. They get drunk and decide to take a sunrise walk on the beach (really short scene we shoot on the beach without permits) He realizes maybe his neighbor has been the girl the whole time. THEY FUCKING KISS AND PLAY IN THE WATER.
Cut to...the next day. The fucking slutty chick comes over to Dave's apartment (oh shit I need a third apartment. SOMEONE GIVE ME A THIRD APARTMENT) We see that the neighbor slept over but oh shit there is a knock at the door. It's slutty Joshua Tree chick. She explains that she thinks someone slipped something in her drink and doesn't remember the night before but is really looking forward to Joshua Tree. OH NO, so it's not slutty Joshua Tree girl's fault? WHO DOES OUR HERO CHOSE?
He gets in the car with slutty Joshua Tree chick leaving neighbor girl behind. Sad.
But then just when sad neighbor girl watches slutty Joshua Tree girl's car pull away (my Mini Cooper) we see that Dave did NOT get in the car. He says something witty. We smash to black. THE FUCKING END. We'll shoot it in 2 days. Two take maximum, we'll never drop into coverage. Lots of wide shots.
That's a movie. See how easy that was? Or I don't know, maybe it's a 5 minute short about people waiting around all night for a drug dealer to show up. IT'S A METAPHOR MAN, for how we're wasting our life waiting on pointless shit.
Or we can do something totally different. How about a short about two roommates crafting an email to their landlord trying to figure out how to tell him they burned the apartment down? How about a roommate rivalry with escalating passive aggressive notes? I'll provide amazing craft service. I'm talking McDonald's, Del Taco and potentially catering provided by Mao's. All wrap parties will be at Townhouse.
The point is, we can do it. Maybe we can't make a movie right away, but we can shoot a three dollar short. I want to start doing things and just throwing stuff out there. It's likely not much will come of it, but it will make me happy. This blog makes me happy. My unsold scripts make me happy. I like putting stuff out in the world, good or bad, I enjoy trying. I'm very impulsive, I would rather do something badly than talk about how to maybe do something the right way...some day.
Measure twice, cut once? Fuck it, just hack that bitch up and see what happens.
I am going to make it my goal moving forward to talk less and do more. I encourage you to do the same. The things that I sometimes perceive to be important probably aren't. I have figured out the things I love to do. I like to travel, I like to go on adventures and I really like making stuff.
Join me. Start that art project, design that website, record that demo. Also, let me know what I can do for you.
I have an apartment, a projector, a car, a bike and a surfboard. Those are pretty much my only possessions. Actually the projector isn't even mine, but I can screen your short to people. I'll even make buffalo dip. And let me know what you can throw into the equation. I'll take anything. Maybe you have access to a old barn or maybe a boat. Wow think about what we could do with a boat! I'm down for whatever, I'll collaborate or even just help you lift some heavy shit if need be.
Or...maybe you want to hike half dome. Maybe you want to go sky diving. I'm always down for that shit too. We can film it! It's time to stop talking and start living.
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