What is your walk up song in life?

This year for the first time, the PGA Tour, the thing your Republican uncle follows religiously, is introducing walk up music to one of its events. The results were…interesting to say the least.

It’s shocking how much your opinion of a player can change by what type of music they like. For example, I kind of though Justin Thomas, last year’s PGA champion, was a twatbucket 48 hours ago. This guy kicks fans out of events, posts pictures of his blacked out friends (see above) and has a general air of snobbery around him.

But then I saw his choice of walk up song. The Circle of Life from the Lion King, a certified banger. Now I can view all of his life choices in a different light.

He posts pictures of his friends blacked out because it’s hilarious. He rocks enormous Polo horses because he’s rich and fuck you. Guy is essentially a certified frat legend. Hell, he probably only has fans kicked out of events because he’s irritated that the PGA Tour won’t let him drink on the course.

Similarly, unknown golfers have become instant legends because of their choice of track.

 

This is Byeong-Hun An. Look at that fucking guy. This dude is 26, is South Korean and his walk-up song is MASTER P MAKE EM SAY UGHHHHHHHHHHH.

 What. A. Legend.

Let’s get another photo of Byeong.

 

OH MY GOD.

Do you think he prefers the angry Silkk the Shocker verse or is he more of a Mystikal guy. Perhaps he will use the winnings from his first PGA Tour win to buy the tank that P drove in the video. This dude is my new favorite golfer.

The entire list is right here. There are some old school bangers and a bunch of vanilla dorks that just picked Drake, but this begs the question right now: What would your walk up song be? Do you go current or classic? Are you serious or is this a bit of a joke.

I’m on record as having my walk up song be “Baby” by Justin Bieber, a timeless choice, but I have recently switched to “Just Can’t Wait to be King” because Disney releases nothing but bangers.

That said, I have recently put together a guide for selecting the perfect walk-up song. As always, you are welcome in advance.

Step 1: Pick a song that is at least five years old.

This ensures that you don’t get caught chasing trends and your choice doesn’t age poorly. All the jamokes that picked a Drake song this week are going to feel really dumb when everyone wakes up in 2023 and realizes that Drake’s entire discography was a prolonged wet fart.

Step 2: Don’t take yourself too seriously.

There is no doubt that ‘Enter Sandman’ by Metallica is a bitchin’ song, and it does make me kinda want to run through a wall, but as a walk up song? You’re trying too hard man. The same hard rock edge can be attained with a more self-aware choice like ‘Sister Christian’ by Night Ranger. It fucks, but it was also in Rock of Ages and seems like a song your dad would put on after one too many 7 and 7s.

Step 3: But also make sure it actually pumps you up

This was the problem I ran into with Baby. It made me laugh at home plate, not make me want to mash a dinger to Culver City. Your walk up music should elevate your heart rate comparably to a baby bump of cocaine. This is why when baseball players walk up to N Sync it’s hilarious but rarely effective.

Step 4: Always consider cross branding opportunities.

Do you like rap? Pick a guy who is alive, because guess what? Tupac can’t rap you a live entrance should things come to that! Conversely, a guy named Shaggy would be more than happy to perform ‘It Wasn’t Me’ mostly because he needs the money.

Step 5: Be somewhat original.

On one hand, you want a song that everyone knows. You will not be awarded bonus points for cranking out some B side of an unreleased Diplomats mix-tape. However, as we learned in the movie Bring It On, no one likes a repeat performance. Pick something that everyone in the crowd will know that absolutely no one else would pick.

Let’s run my choice through the list.

“Just Can’t Wait to be King” – Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

1.       Over five years old? Yes. Lion King came out in 1994.

2.       Don’t take yourself too seriously. Yes. It’s a fucking Disney movie.

3.       Pumps you up? Yes. The song absolutely bangs.

4.       Cross branding? Yes. I could get the whole Broadway cast out there with me or in an ABC promotion, Donald Glover star of the 2019 reboot performs the whole song as Childish Gambino.

5.       Somewhat original? Yes. Justin Thomas went Circle of Life, but different songs from the same artist (soundtrack?) are acceptable. Congrats to me for picking an acceptable walk up song. Let me know what your walk up song is if you want and make sure to check out my podcast Beer a Hole where we spend an hour talking about this bullshit.

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