Your Blog Fucking Sucks

I don't give a shit about your kids or your amateur poetry. I don't want to see a picture of the Christmas tree that you spent hours decorating or the meal you prepared all afternoon. Oh, a post about a trend you've noticed in social media? Fuck you, you think your thoughts are relevant? You have an opinion on health care and global warming...great it doesn't fucking matter what you think, you are a peon...if life was Monopoly you are Baltic Avenue. Don't post links come on, really? An interview with the man who is revitalizing the Domestic auto market...you and me, we're fucking done. You know why? Your blog fucking sucks!

It's all horrifying. "My quest to eat nothing but unprocessed food for 6 months...o golly I don't know how I'll live without Qdoba!" That is the lame ass premise of most blogs. Some pathetic meaningless person is trying to accomplish something, or share their opinion of what they think about a laundry list of things. They will try to be witty, use a big word every now and again. It makes them almost feel as if they have creative license the way their favorite authors might. I wish I could be the first to tell them that periodically saving data to a free webserver doesn't make you an author. In fact the only people that read your stupid blog are your girlfriend and your mom. I suppose my thoughts on Blogging directly correlate to how I feel about Twitter. Do not use the power of the written word to render an opinion you judge to be relevant.

Filmdrunk, Brobible, pretty much everything on Uproxx...they have it figured out. They use the word "fuck" they tell funny stories, and I'm pretty sure I would enjoy having a beer with most of their readers, whereas I have no interest in talking about the current job climate with the creator of joesthoughtsonlife.wordpress.com.
The reason people read blogs is because they are bored...which is really the only reason anyone ever does anything. If I was completely happy and content to sit on a couch and stare off into space I would never watch tv, read books, drink, work out, write or see movies. But I fucking hate working, and I hate sitting on the couch alone in the dark, alas I complete one of the aforementioned tasks. Furthermore, I receive no enjoyment from reading about a fun new recipe, or your child's first steps. I like to read headlines like this "Al Pacino is a creepy old perv" or "Killing a case solo: It's possible."

Call me immature, or a hypocritical douche bag, but I promise that this blog will always come with drunken tomfoolery and humor-filled social commentary...and if you think my blog sucks, that's fine...you're probably a hard-working liberal with blue collar parents who has a chip on their shoulder due to watching people like me grow up priviledged...suck it.