What is Little 5? That's what everyone always asks. It's just a stupid bike race is what most outsiders think. Some people will throw the Lance Armstrong quote about it being the coolest moment of his life, others will bring up the Academy Award winning movie made about it, and most frat guys will tell you it's a week in which "you get super fucked up!" But instead of me arguing that it's the greatest college week in the known universe or that it is what makes Indiana the greatest party school in the nation, I will instead try to encapsulate the true spirit of Little 5 with some commentary. And this will all be from the perspective of a Greek, so if you are a gdi, stop reading now and ban your IP address from further visits to this site.
The selection process: I would equate this process as similar to finding your prom date. It's very stressful, and it can make or break your high school legacy. If you end up with a B-team date outside the "in-crowd" you will forever be looked upon in memories as a loser, or even worse that you didn't even exist. Chapter rooms are abuzz with excitement as group BBM-chats explore every possible scenario in which the chips could fall. This decision not only determines the name of the sorority on the shirts you will be wearing or the girls that you are banging, but it ices your reputation on campus. (Because remember when you are in a frat you sacrifice all individuality and become 3 greek letters.) Then your social stands up in the middle of your president scolding a group of neophytes about the drano bomb they inserted in the house mom's office. "WE got (insert facey sorority here who has lots of hot chicks and a few unattractive slutty ones but even if you hook up with the later you can tell your boys at the bar that you slayed a ____ )" High fives ensue, and a drinking little 5 planning committee meeting immediately commences.
Planning the week: Little 5 goes Monday-Saturday. There is a function every night. Breaking the ice Monday is important, have to start things off right. A common theme could be speed dating or some sort of meet and greet function, lights should be on so everyone can select their mate for the week or at least plant a few seeds for the more fun days. Tuesday can be a week night, you should only expect about a 50% showing from the younger girls, all upperclassmen will be at the bars. Wednesday and Thursday need to be absolute blowout events. Band, concert, dj, fog, lights, sweat, shots, mix all those together and add a shitty college theme and you have yourself a legit little 5 frat party. But this is still a crescendo taking us to...
Boats: What is better than throwing 40 people on a double decker pontoon boat and setting asail with 3 kegs and 20 handles? You're right, docking that baby up to an 80 foot yacht (where do these Lake Monroe residents get their money?) and sucking on a 45 year old MILF's surgically enhanced titties. Boat parties have and always will be a strong staple of the little 5 tradition. Pissing in water, wearing lifejackets like diapers and floating around for 4 hours with a personal handle is pretty much the climax of all of my sexual fantasies...err just fantasies.
Then it's time for the main event...race day: 5 am, in a courtyard, outdoors, drinking...300 people in obnoxious jerseys/shirts/nude doing all sorts of tomfoolery that comes with the territory of drinking. Launching potato missiles across the street, 4 story beer bongs of Old Crow bourbon, sunny with a chance of beer-showers. This ensues for about 8 hours, until the race begins. The Greeks flood to the stadium marching 20 wide on a mission of victory. Several people are unconscious or bleeding, but everyone needs to go cheer for their respective team and threaten the lives of all the Cutters fans and call their girlfriends ugly. 200 laps later, the track is covered in literally the blood, sweat and tears of the eventual champion and everyone is ready to retire to the Jewish frat for a terrible rap concert that was co-financed by a banker named Silverberg and his son's drug money.
So that's it in a nut shell: 5 parties, a day at the lake, some bars and a bike race. But it's so much more. It's a celebration of spring, of all things alcohol and taking hedonism to the furthest stretch of the imagination. Hopefully you shacked at least one night in the dorms with a Freshman, avoided the tank, and won a fight with an ATO...it's little 5 man, go get it!
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