The Art of Racing in the Reign

Pictured: Oh Cool, just like a week until I can watch this stupid fucking movie about little poor British children fighting aliens.


Sometimes I feel like I take things for granted. For example right now due to my Starbucksesque internet speed at home I have 4 hours remaining until my iTunes rental is done. I've read so much Brett Easton Ellis today that I am starting to feel like one of his hollow characters that embraces total moral apathy and I have consumed enough Shiraz that my teeth will probably be permanently stained purple. Furthermore, I spent the last 2 hours wandering around Westwood and playing Chutes and Ladders with a stranger at a bar while I tried to decipher if Clarissa, the bartender, was hitting on me or trying to enhance her tip. Maybe she was just really impressed with my knowledge of Gin Blossoms, Deep Blue Something and Nine Days. (I mean with that kind of playlist, it had to be an epic night, right?)

All I wanted to do though was lay on a couch somewhere and lord over the TV. It would have been nothing short of a lovely evening, I would have had some Modern Family, American Horror Story and South Park.

Side bar: Tonight's South Park was supposed to be about Occupy Wall Street. I have no idea what the fuck occupy Wall Street is. I think in my head I have it played out like a bunch of hippies just like hanging out on Wall Street. It's not a big street, it's like a little side alley that juts south off of some bigger street and dead ends at whatever body of water that is that separates Manhattan and Brooklyn. Is it just a bunch of pissed off unemployed people hanging out all day? Are they at least having fun? Perhaps bonfires at night? Have open liquor laws been suspended. Now it starts to sound a little more fun. What the fuck is the 99% am I the 99 or the 1? Is the 1% the people who benefit from shady banking tactics? Anyway I don't know what's going on, I watched a video where this chick tried to describe it and then she called herself a "female bodied person, because there are some female bodied people that identify as men and using the terms men and women is discriminatory to transgenders." I immediately lost interest. Now people are occupying everything. I think people should just occupy a bar, and deal with the things that they themselves can control, like their BAC. End sidebar.

Nevertheless, here I am drinking my wine out of my tacky orange plastic wine glass talking about the subtleties of moving to a new place. It's very exciting, but I feel like I should have read a book on the flight over here called "Fuck ya! I landed, now what?"

Chapter 1. Every new person you meet is an audition.
WHOOOOA man so LA, I used an industry term. Seriously, I feel like very few people actually cherish friendships. It probably takes some sort of life changing event such as an accident to realize how important they are. I am a miserable friend, I lose touch within 30 seconds of being away from a person. Most of you reading this probably haven't heard from me since I left, and it's shitty I'll try to do better. I haven't had to like ask a cool dude for his number in so long, it feels so awkward, and especially in LA I'm afraid they will think I'm asking them out or something. But whatever, this is how one adapts to a new place, you have to start somewhere...I probably would have been much better prepared for this had I not grown up in Indianapolis gone to Indiana University and then moved to frat north immediately after graduation. But seriously, I have completely lowered my standards when it comes to someone I would hang out with, I used to set the bar so high and now I'll go kick it with anyone with a pulse, it's sad really, I used to consider myself a premium product, now no matter how much someone sucks I have to make a good impression so I get positive Yelp reviews as a cool guy to go out with.

Chapter 2. Enjoy your thoughts
I spend every day talking to ethnic business owners and trying to convince them that frat dudes have way more money than gdi's so you should buy into the Greek system and like ya, everyone will start coming to your store because the frat guys are trendsetters and shit. (This is pretty close to my actual pitch) I have no shortage of personal interactions on a daily basis. It's not like I am a computer programmer who was transferred to Spokane and I have to Skype with my mom every night and have her hold up the cat so I can smile. But I spend a lot of time in the car, eating lunches alone and my thought wander a lot. It's cool because I have a fairly inventive imagination. Sometimes I write little short stories based on a funny thought I had, or sometimes I shoot out a tweet. But at the end of the day, my Sundays-Thursdays are very similar to probably 95% of Americans, I was just under the illusion that everyone would live with their 5 best friends in a house together hanging out every night until they all mutually decided to marry their girlfriends and move in with them. Not always the case, there is this phase where you see your friends like 3 times a week and then just "relax" on the off nights.

Chapter 3. Find a handful of hobbies
Thank God I like to read and write and movies and sports, because I kind of loath being bored. Some people nap, I can't do that. Some people take Tylenol PM and go to bed at like 8pm, not my style (but, in cases I've wanted to do that I've realized Charles Shaw is much cheaper than name brand Nyquil) Maybe I'll get into cooking, or perhaps I should take some improv classes, or join a club because I just hate inactivity.

Maybe I need a dog, that would probably be a disaster, a cat? Eh, people already question my sexuality enough as is for my love of Glee and broadway.

Beta fish it is...my last beta fish was eaten by one of my roommates when I was away. Fortunately, we aren't in college anymore, so maybe this one will survive a weekend or two.

Whatever the case, LA rocks, I'm still trying to find my niche. I have a small crew, but it is slowly growing every day. I just decided to write this post so that people know that taking a leap of faith is bad ass, but unfortunately you don't always just fall right back in to the perfect social situation you left. That said, you always appreciate something a little more when you have to work for it, so maybe that's what I have going now. Maybe that's why after I finish this book, even if it blows a nine inch cock I will still be proud of it because of how hard I worked. The same way someone that likes to cook probably is thrilled when they see the reaction on someone's face when they taste their famous recipe.

One truth holds solid though...when I get back to Indy on Wednesday November 23, you better tell your parents, roommates, girlfriends, not to wait up, because it's going to be a late night.