Power Rankings: Little 5 playlist

Turns out Skrillex was a huge Hook fan.

As a Blogger it is important to know your strengths. Mine are lotted in my ability to consistently find creative ways to use appalling language, offend everyone who isn't a conservative WASP, talk about raging and adopting a carpe diem attitude. Sadly that severely limits the scope of what I can write about. Basically I have to relive the glory days and/or talk about how much better life is when you're seeing double. If you haven't realized yet, I pretty much write the same thing day in and day out, if you haven't caught on to me yet, then please disregard this prologue. In addition you have to give the readers what they want. That will generate hits, which will generate word of mouth, which will make you internet famous and eventually you will start seeing small sum checks from Google ad sense.

Oh, but I do not monetize. I think my competitive advantage is that I can draw metaphors like "as appealing as a razor burned cunt" (That's actually a simile, but you get the point) However, today I'm going to cater to what the people want, or what I think they want. A list, no mind you, a power ranking! Everyone fucking loves power rankings, I don't know why I'm so implicitly driven to them. It is a fictitious number that gives validation to how I feel about any number of topics at a given time. Todays list will be somewhat topical in the form of Little 500. (Ugh, but you already did your annual Little 5 post)  Not like I have to justify doing several posts about the greatest college week of the year, but alas this will be considerably different (even if it wasn't I just admitted that I constantly write about the same 3 or 4 topics) Furthermore, I am combining a topic I used to know a lot about (Bloomington frat parties) with a genre I know next to nothing about. While I am a formidable force to be reckoned with in television and film, my music knowledge is and always will be shit. That said, I will still give it the old college try (I read like 3 music blogs today, so I am feeling particularly in the know) and generate the top 10 songs you are likely to hear at frat parties this weekend.

1. "Bangarang" - Skrillex
Eric Stratton is probably rolling around in his grave (scratch that he's 64 and currently costarring on Rachel Bilson's new show, and he was Van Wilder's dad...frat) but it's a new era for frat. The whiskey and the marijuana have been replaced by molly and uppers, and this is the new generation of rage. But why "Bangarang?" Scary Monsters is legit old now and Cinema is too slow of a build, this week moves a million feet per second and so does this song.

2. "Calling" - Sebastian Ingrosso/Alesso/One Republic
Oh this is a tasty treat. Released in the US Apple store less than a month ago this song has been building strong momentum. The crossover appeal of this song is ridiculous because while all the edm fanatics have been on that Swedish house kick for a while now, the vocals added by One Republic (side not, I keep getting them confused with those Irish pussies One Direction) will get all the ladies involved I'm sure. Plus, the drop on this song is great for beer showers.

3. "Call Me Maybe" - Carly Rae Jepsen
Our first foray into pop music comes in at number 3. So here's the story Carly Rae Jepsen finished 3rd in Canadian Idol a few years back, signs with Scooter Braun, befriends Justin Bieber and then they make that "youtube video with the disney channel kids." In all actuality it's really just Biebs, Selena and Tisdale hanging out with CRJ and all her friends. The point however though is that video is amazing, they are all so drunk and if you haven't conspired to get fucked up and make a music video of your own to that song you are a liar. It's catchy, chicks love it and Pi Kapps will probably have it playing on repeat.

4. "Levels" - Avicii
Wow, 3 of the top 4 are electric? What has the courtyard come to? "Levels" probably would have been number 1 if little 5 had been 6 months ago. But in that time Skrillex has made a remix, Flo Rida has butchered it in fact the most popular version of the song right now is probably the redubbed version that is played in reverse, but it remains in the Final 4 because this song is like your first lover...ya you aren't still consistently fucking it, but it will always have a place in your heart.

5. "Ass" - Big Sean/Nikki Minaj
It seems like people are finally coming around on Big Sean. He's been forgiven for the rape thing and his new music is being received extremely well. Now let me address Ms. Minaj. I think she is funny, I think she is fairly sexy, I googled her nip slip from Good Morning America...but the lyrics. "Kiss my ass and my anus because I'm finally famous." I don't think she is just metaphorically speaking. I think she wants a prospective lover to actually insert his tongue into her butthole, and that isn't even the least of it. It must be a black people thing...I've never understood sexual perverse female rap. Not that the idea of cunnilingus is horrifying in its own right, but when females use it as empowerment, no thanks.

6. "Country Roads" - Who fucking knows
Ok so this may be wishful thinking. A lot has changed from the days of the Shingles post tailgate after parties and the days of will the superfrat floor collapse or won't it. However, my prevailing theory is that if you were a Freshman or Sophomore and saw this happening as you were an underclassmen you couldn't help but thinking, "this is the epitome of awesome, we cannot let this die." In fact last year's little 5 I would argue that this was still the biggest hit of any song played. It prompted an older alumni I was standing near to say, "wow I remember when we actually drank the beer." No man, we're trying to get our frat tanks drunk (this is a reference to beer showers)

7. "Young, Wild and Free" - Snoop/Wiz
If there is one anthem that validates the hedonistic tendencies of a generation, more specifically frat guys and sorority girls, it's definitely this song. Especially after bringing the house down at Coachella this past weekend, Snoop is as hot as ever right now, and there are still a ton of white guys that think rappers talking about smoking pot makes them homies by affiliation. Who knows, maybe hologram 2pac will pop up at a party near you.

8. "Rack City" - Tyga
Not necessarily new or fresh, something about the "rack rack city bitch" just drives white people wild (myself included) It may not be as radio popular as the newest Drake song, but I think Drake's music is a bit morose for a party full of 200 blacked out twentysomethings. So the final rap slot goes to the Tyg.

9. "Feel So Close" - Calvin Harris
While I wanted to give the final electro house spot to someone like Dada Life, Laidback Luke or even Kaskade the truth of the matter is that "Feel So Close" has had some success on the pop charts as a crossover jam, and while I'm sure there are people at IU that check fratmusic.com weekly for the newest releases, this song is much more Bloomington B97 friendly.

10. "Don't Stop Believin" - Journey
There was no way I could have a power ranking list without one wink to the 80's. Even if the college bars are no longer playing fist pumping power ballad sing alongs in favor of hip hop and ironic boy band tunes, this song just refuses to die. It's like the new frattlings feel obligated to honor their roots and occasionally this song will pop up and just like I'm sure it did 25 years ago, everyone stops chugging their beer and drunkenly sings along. It's important to know where you are going, but one must never forget where they came from.

Well team, I did my best. I'm sure a bunch of you think this list is shit, I didn't take many risks, and I could be way off. That said, I think we can all agree that if a girl tries to put on Gotye race day at noon she deserves a full beer poured on her face. Get excited, we're about 48 hours from race time and I can't wait to see a bunch of you down there in less than 24. Make it an epic weekend Btown, as always I have the upmost faith in you and you never disappoint.