Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Hanging by a Moment

Sometimes I wonder if it's all worth it. Everyone in L.A. is always one break away from having their situation drastically changed, whereas all my friends in the midwest are doing pretty good. But is pretty good enough? Most of the people I know are living in Broad Ripple or Lincoln Park (actually they are living in Wicker but I refuse to acknowledge this) they make about $50,000 and go to the new Kilroy's or Benchmark and it's a pretty solid existence. There's not much variance, except for the weather. Now I know that most of my readers just read those three sentences and are thinking "oh no, here we go, a tirade about how you are so much better than us because you live in LA and it's more exciting." Quite the contrary, if I could snap my fingers and have that life, I would probably do it.

I didn't come out here with a nap sack and a dream. I was transferred here, my plane ticket was purchased, my car was shipped, I was given a small relocation bonus to find housing. It's not the ballsy story that I would like to imagine it was. However, that doesn't change the nature of the beast. I used to describe this place as Groundhog Day. Nothing ever seemed to change. But that is mostly because it is sunny and 70 almost every day, in reality though, my life in Chicago was Groundhog Day. I would slouch through the week and start an epic bender every Thursday at 5pm that would last until about 1 in the morning the following Monday morning. I was miserable every day at work, I took naps in my car, I came in late and made up excuses and I got away with just scrounging by for 2 years. But there was no real change in my life from day to day. I hung out with the same people, did the same things and saw the same results. Now that was just the life of someone in entry level sales, I'm sure some of you have cool jobs and fly all over the world doing cool shit, but that was my Chicago experience.

In LA though you can be higher than high one minute and knocked completely to rock bottom in the next instant. For example, right now, I'm one good break away from being signed by a big agency, selling a tv show, becoming famous. But I'm also one bad break away from asking my dad for $500 so I have the gas money to drive home. No one can knock it for being uneventful, but it's so fucking stressful. In case you're curious, most of the people that make it in LA are trust fund kids that just live at home with their parents, and it's not even like they necessarily leverage a bunch of daddy's connections, they just have the financial means to wait everyone else out, it's like a war of attrition where eventually all of the midwest kids run out of money and have to go home and the local hills boy gets the job. That or you are a poor girl from the valley who has a bangin' body and becomes an actress (Marilyn Monroe) or you work odd jobs and just scratch by paycheck to paycheck, year after year while you stare at yourself on the mirror on a Friday night waiting for your ramen water to boil wondering why you are missing out on another Vegas trip and wondering if it's too late to move home and go make a real living wage at your dad's financial services company in Ohio.

But the one thing I will say is...there is a shred of hope. There's a chance that you'll get that phone call with the opportunity to pitch your script. And that's what people hold onto. I guess the only thing comparable in other industries is that you'll get promoted. But can being promoted be even close to as cool as selling a script and being the writer of a fucking movie (I honestly don't know I haven't sold a script and my last promotion was from 1st base to home plate umpire at Skiles Test Little League. My dad was the commissioner, this is also the last time I benefited from Nepotism.) Even though the chances of the tv show that you PA for getting cancelled are much higher than a low level UTA agent taking a chance on your R-rated pilot, the dream is alive because for the dreamers "pretty good" isn't enough. That's why people out here would kill for a receptionist position. There is no shame in pouring coffee, or wiping baby shit, as long as someone will pay you enough money to stop from having to sell your mom's car on Craigslist. Can you imagine what you would say to one of your friends if they were like, I got a new job, I'm a secretary. I make 10 bucks an hour and I'm working weekends at Coffee Bean. You might think, tough life. Out here that shit would get you a party, that small step is celebrated. Half the jobs people go for out here are a secretary's secretary. But a thousand other people would literally offer sexual favors for that gig.

I haven't formed an opinion on this yet. I can't imagine that everyone that lands that second assistant position will eventually rise to the top. There has to be some degree of wash out, especially with all these angry jews with little man syndrome firing people like they are blackballing an annoying pledge. And most of these positions won't make you famous. A 32 year old creative exec is going to make a comfortable living and he will rub shoulders with some influential people, but he is by no means famous. Quick how many executive producers can you name. Right? So not everyone is in it for the fame. There is money, but most of that money is concentrated very heavily at the top. So why the fuck do people do it. What is so great about entertainment that would make people belittle themselves to such drastic lengths. I have a fucking business degree for God's sake, I should be well on my way to a third promotion at a bank. And this is the only answer I can come up with...it's out of love. The people that make it out here and suffer and stick around long enough to see the fruits of their labor are in love with the movies. Accounting sucks. Sales sucks. Being an unemployed lawyer sucks. Is that it, are there any other industries that are ripe for college graduates? I don't think I know a single person that does anything other than one of those. I guess a couple people went the Dr. route, but that's it. You're staring at a computer screen, you're making cold calls or you're worried as fuck what you're going to do when those Freddie Mac letters start pouring in...

Or, you come to LA. You drive someone around. You fetch someone coffee. You write in your free time. You shop at the dollar store. You start having house parties. And it sucks just as bad as sales or accounting or going blind on a stack of litigation paper work. But if it does work out, you'll read screenplays for a living, write hours and hours of notes on shitty shitty material, one day you'll be brought in to a creative meeting, and one day you'll get to pitch a script and one day you'll get to visit the set and one day you'll go to a premier of a movie you helped champion. And if the movie bombs you'll probably get fired. But if that is enough for you, and you would rather do cocktails at the Beverly Hilton than take a client to a Cubs game, maybe it's enough. And it probably won't work out and you'll be back in your shitty midwest town and go to work for one of your high school classmates and it will be awkward for a bit, but you'll probably turn out ok and have a wife and maybe a kid and save up enough money to go to Disney World some day and your life will be pretty good eventually. But you're also only one phone call away from the dream and that's what makes it worth it.

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