Rock N Roll is Dead

I have a really poor taste in music. This is well documented. I once put the Jonas Brothers song "Love Bug" on repeat at Kilroy's for an entire afternoon because I fucking could. I also had bad 80's music on loop at every frat party, busted out the Boy Bands whenever possible and even now, I have a "party" playlist that consists of the 5 EDM songs that were cool like 4 years ago (yes Levels is on there, twice.)

In fact, my favorite song on the radio right now is Justin Bieber, "Beauty and a Beat" you know why? Because it's fucking awesome. No way can you listen to that song without cranking the radio completely up, rolling down the windows and screaming "I want to feel your body rooooooock"

I digress. Moral of the story, my taste in music is shit.

That said...

After my workout last night (this consisted of 14 different pectoral and bicep lifts) I had a bit of adrenaline going, I hopped in the car and flipped to KROQ (this is like the cool rock station in LA) from my typical power 105.9 (trendy hip hop) or top 40 97.1. (Note: I usually listen to nothing but sports talk radio, but both my stations have been overtaken by shitty baseball broadcasts, UGH)

And I was treated to the folksy light vocals of Of Monsters and Men, singing their fucking "listen to the words I say" song. Now don't get me wrong, that song is catchy as fuck. And so is everything by the bloated Tim Tebows, the Lumineers, Edward Sharpe and the magnetic zeroes, whoever those nerds were that played SNL last week, Purity Ring, etc, etc, etc.

But they are a bunch of fucking pussies. Even the Black Keys are hipster and soft. What happened to the bad boys of rock music? Is it too much to ask that my front man has a minor heroin problem? Would it be terse of me to request that at least one of the band members be dead of some sort of drug overdose by 27?

This whole mainstreaming of the indie rock sound is poisoning the image of what a rockstar used to mean. And it's not even like I hate the rise of the female vocalists. Joan Jett sings the unofficial anthem to rock music "I love Rock N Roll" Joan Jett was a fucking rockstar. Do you know why? Because when she started the Runaways at the age of 16 all of her music was about sucking dick and doing coke with noted slut Cherie Curie. Now that's rock and roll. Meanwhile we now have New Girl as the face of Indie rock, and if Zooey Deschanel has ever sucked a dick in her life, she surely didn't swallow (I hear spitting is en vogue with the Silverlake crowd)

I suppose the problem is that real bonafide rockstars die out. Look at Amy Winehouse, probably the biggest rockstar persona since a late 80's Keith Richards (snorting his dad's ashes along with a speed ball) she openly sang about her drug addiction, unwillingness to get help and her impending doom. And then she went on a bender and died :( cementing her legacy in the 27 club with the rest of the tortured greats who burnt out far too young carrying on a larger than life lifestyle.

There is no rock and roll anymore, The Strokes were close but they hate each other so much that a band member's death is more likely to be a homicide as opposed to alcohol poisoning and so what do we have left? The bands from the 60's 70's 80's still going.

I would pay anything to see the Stones, Eagles, Aerosmith, even the Red Hot Chili Peppers still have it. That is real music, not some pop rock, electronic studio fusion bullshit. I want my rock idols to burn down hotel rooms and have sex with low end prostitutes, not fit into 30' waist skinny jeans.

I realize I lack credibility on this topic, but even the shitty post grunge bands like Third Eye Blind sound more passionate in songs like "Semi-Charmed Life" an ode to crystal meth, than whatever flavor of the week indie band is singing a folksy ballad about love.

Perhaps we life in a world with too much emphasis on image, a PR manager probably wouldn't want bands behaving like the Rolling Stones in the late 60's...the social media backlash would be too prevalent. But really I just want some inspired rock music, is that too much to ask? And if some megalomaniac British act has to commit a few felonies to find the inspiration to make that music, I say it's well worth it.

On an unrelated topic, feel free to direct message me questions, I'm going to start a new "bad advice from a bro" column, I won't reveal who you are but I think it will be fun to interact with my readers a bit. Anyway, thanks for the continued support!