Waiting in line yesterday for the Xcelerator at Knott's Berry Farm I was reminded of two things. The first was that inland orange county is really the trashiest place in america. The O.C. did a lot to fool people into thinking that the county overall is nice. It really isn't, outside of Laguna and Newport it's just some racially vague cocktail of brownish looking 13 year old girls yelling not wearing bras, cutting lines (not those) and yelling loudly. It's like they got the worst stereotypes of the 5 mixed races they represent. 2nd is that middle school kids are the worst. These 8th graders on their graduation field day were running around like they owned the park. There is nothing worse than a cocky 14 year old.
When I was in 8th grade, I was just starting to discover my interest in girls. The thing to do was try to get girls to flash you. I was fairly good at this, I think of the class of 2001 St. Simon I saw roughly 40% of the boobs. Mind you this stat made me cocky at the time. I ran the show. So I can understand why these wild latin children pushed past me like I wasn't shit. This kid just convinced the "hot" girl with the 4 bedroom house in Anaheim to show him her boobs in the haunted house. Now anyone my age will likely look back on their middle school exploits with moderate embarrassment. The first day of high school when you hit rock bottom you realize that in a hurry, but think how much better life gets after middle school, you start banging chicks, you get drunk, go to college, maybe pick up a moderate drug addiction...much better than stealing zippos from beach shacks from Florida spring break towns.
But middle schoolers do have some balls. The fact that I would get on AOL instant messenger and soberly flat out ask a girl to at some point during Peter's party tomorrow night take me into the bathroom and lift up her shirt took some serious stones. First of all, my mom could walk in and see it on the screen...oh the horror. But more likely is that this chick would say no. But back then for some reason the body is built with some lack of shit giving. I played the numbers game back then, I would ask anyone and 99 times out of 100 I got denied, but eventually someone says yes. I honestly believe that some people never lose this attitude. You know them, everyone knows this guy. The shameless salesman, the guy that never goes home alone. Everything works out for this guy, he's probably fucking killing it in every aspect of his life.
I on the other hand developed some sense of shame as I grew, I am now and have been for most of my life a total chicken shit coward. The majority of the time I go out to a bar I am talking to the people I came with. Go talk to a girl? Ya right. Maybe if I drank a bottle or 2 of whiskey before I got there. So that's what I do. More often than not if I get close to black out, I'll be social and outgoing when I get somewhere. And MAYBE if I get a girl onto the dance floor my ONE MOVE will be effective (drunken dance floor make out, it's honestly all I've got, if you are ever in conversation with me and are afraid of me leading with the tongue you're fine as long as the dance floor is at least 10 yards away.)
That's really the only way I've ever hooked up with chicks. It worked really well in college, but as you get older that shit becomes a bit more pathetic. The problem is, I can't hold a conversation at a bar, I'm pretty bad in person, the only other shot I have is the long term gchat flirt. I'm sure everyone has had at least one of these. Start gchatting, maybe it moves to text, an intoxicated phone call or two later, you're fucking. It all comes full circle to the 8th grade instant messages.
I would assume most people are kind of like me. As much as I want to be the Jay Gatsby character, I am Nick Carraway. Everyone wants to be Vince Vaughn in Swingers, not bitchy little John Favreau. Everyone wants to be high functioning cokehead i banker Tad Alagash, but you're not...You're Michael J fox, bitching about your ex girlfriend, and getting fired when you try to keep up with the guy that has it all.
In almost everything I have ever written the center of the plot is around 2 stock coming of age characters. The hard partying guy that everything seems to work out for, and the pussy that needs to discover some courage. Most people probably assume I'm the first guy because this is the image I've tried to project almost my whole life, but in all actuality I'm the second. I'm so fascinated by a guy at a bar that just walks up to girls and starts talking to them. It's so so hard to build up the courage to do that. Best case scenario you buy her a drink and have a short conversation that doesn't end in total disaster, or so is the outlook of a coward like myself. The other guy thinks either he's taking her to bed, or whatever fuck it, he'll never see her again.
What it would be like to feel that way.
I'm thinking maybe that's why when you get to be my age people start settling down. Being single is hard, it's a fucking grind. And as hard as relationships are, it's something stable. It's nice not having to go out and pick up a chick. It's nice not having to pretend to be this macho charicature of a bro. But that's when I start to hit a wall. That's it, that's where it stops for me. Society would have you believe that when you are 26 you should start thinking about getting married, having kids, buying a house...I don't want any of that shit. All I care about is making enough money to pay the rent and have fun. Honestly, I don't even want to move any closer to the beach because then my place would always be full of sand and that would be annoying. Perhaps I'm the anomally, I find myself regressing every day. Like I just want to be 22 again and go out every single night in Lincoln Park with the kids that just graduated. Life between 16 and 26 is like a bell curve. Freshman and Sophomore year of high school are awful, junior year gets a little better, senior year seems cool but then you get to college and you're like holy shit. Ages 21/22 you are on top of the world, and even though quality of like takes a slight hit after graduation, people are still into the same shit. You're going out with the frat guys and sorority girls that you hung out with in college except now you have an income and everyone has an 8 am class monday-Friday.
But now that is lost. Some people moved on and I realize I now have more in common with the 8th grade shit heads than I do with my own generation. I want to go out and be this confident guy that has it all figured out, but I don't. I would rather move to Lincoln Park with all of my friends' younger siblings and just repeat the last 4 years as opposed to take on the next 4. And the good news is that's the life that exists for you in LA.
There is no mold.
Everyone back home can get married and Facebook as many ultrasound photos as they want, but I can write coming of age stories about a couple gen y'ers doing drugs and if it sells go party in Vegas. Los Angeles is an escape from the mold, it's an island of misfit toys. I don't fit in anymore to the classic mid to late 20's stereotype of giving up the partying to focus on important matters of the future.
And while I may not be that classic literary character, any George Clooney roll in the last 20 years. The guy that has it all, oozes confidence and can charm any and every person he meets, I can still drink 2 bottles of whiskey and re-awaken that 14 year old that will walk up to the hottest girl in the bar and ask her to come home with me...and show me her tits.
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