Hello there! My name is Dave and I am a Santa Monica enthusiast. I appreciate the majority of your city, its wealth and most of what it has come to stand for. However, I have a slight bone to pick when it comes to a tradition I hold very close to my heart: The Twilight Concert Series at the Pier.
In January the city council voted on measures to "scale back" the TCS (twilight concert series) largely as a reactionary measure to last year's unprecedented crowd of 35,000 at the Jimmy Cliff concert. And while I appreciate your enthusiasm for safety, I am here to tell you, your efforts are misguided.
See I am part of Los Angeles' "new" west side. I am young, white, work in entertainment, live with young, white roommates and we spend most of our money on activities of leisure. Many would claim I am everything wrong with the present state of Venice. But this is not a think piece on the inevitability of gentrification, it is about the concerts.
In your statement, you noted that the Santa Monica City Council unanimously voted to scale back the event...I believe the phrase was "right size" something that had spiraled into something of an uncontrollable beast. The measures you are taking to accomplish this goal are to book more obscure, emerging talent and remove the giant video board on the sand. Unfortunately, that action makes two false assumptions.
1. I am less likely to picnic on the beach if I have not heard of a band.
2. I am less likely to picnic on the beach if I have trouble seeing (or hearing) said band.
The truth of the matter is, I couldn't care less what is happening on the stage. I am there purely to get fucked up with my attractive friends on the beach, in an atmosphere of other attractive people getting fucked up on aforementioned beach. To be honest, I think in my three years of enjoying pier concerts, I have known the name of the band playing once or twice and have listened to maybe four total songs. Because as cool as it is to see a band play for free outdoors in the summer, it's much cooler do have an elaborate set up of sandwiches and snack foods purchased from Whole Foods and a near endless supply of red wine from Trader Joe's whilst music plays as ambience in the background. If a man was on stage having his prostate examined, instead of Haim singing "The Wire" I would still go. And I do not think I am alone on this.
Jimmy Cliff is the shit. He's an absolute legend. But I theorize his fame was only partly responsible for the record breaking crowd that accompanied. In September of 2013 peak "white people" was happening west of Lincoln in Los Angeles. The old guard has fallen, doo rags have been traded in for bro tanks and guns for rolled up twenties. If there is anything a 20something year old WASP wants to do on a Thursday night in the middle of summer, it is ride their expensive ass bike to a pier with a backpack full of potato chips and a wine bottle on the water bottle holder. Sure they will be hungover tomorrow, but it will be worth it. In fact, if things escalate, they might even go to Big Dean's and find a similarly attractive member of the opposite (or same!) gender and have some casual sex. Jimmy Cliff was the last concert of the summer last year. One last chance to black out and risk a bicycling while intoxicated misdemeanor on a Thursday night. It was an event not to be missed.
This year the "unknown bands" feature indie breakout Cults, Youtube sensation OK Go, an Arabian EDM artist and a British Rock band from the 60's that had a number 1 hit. Honestly it feels as if KCRW is trolling the Santa Monica city council, or they just give zero fucks. If Santa Monica feared "riot like crowds" at the Jimmy Cliff show, wait until CAA sends several busses full of assistants to the beach to see "those guys that did the treadmill video."
It is now 2014 and Venice is that much more gentrified, arguably the coolest place in the city to live is the Ocean Park district of Santa Monica, just off Main Street and the poshest bar west of the 405 is within walking distance of the pier. My prediction? There will be some bike accidents this summer. Alcohol will be involved.
People go to the pier to drink on the beach and watch the sunset, plan their weekends and celebrate life. The music is largely irrelevant. So although I really don't think it matters what you do to encourage small crowds, I do have some suggestions that will be slightly more effective in creating a safer environment than removing a video board.
1. Replace the parking lots with lava.
This may sound drastic but hear me out. If no one can drive to the beach, that will limit the accessibility of the concerts to those who can walk, bike or afford to uber to the show. It will also completely eliminate drunk driving as a byproduct of the event. I realize this is not a sound business decision, as it leads to a loss of revenue. However, I have a two fold plan to subsidize that loss. We will build a MASSIVE WALL on Lincoln Boulevard. To enter the AWOL district will require a resident's pass or a toll of 10 dollars. This is a reasonable fee to charge someone that would offer their patronage to our restaurants, theaters and other areas of recreation. Also, weekend beach parking will be raised to $100 per car.
2. Allow Dogs.
$100 per car to park at the beach is absurd! How the hell do you justify that?!? Easy! First of all, I find it absurd to live in a coastal city and not live biking distance to the beach. However, if I must justify this, I'll do it with my new doggie beach! This is like a three pronged solution. See the current state of the beach just north of the pier is an absolute travesty. The clientele is nearly all of the "men who wear shirts while they swim" variety. I would like to eradicate this completely. And since it would be poor form to plant a sign that says "Hey fat asses, go to Will Rodgers #proana," I will build my dog beach there. Everyone loves dogs right? And it's a speciestest policy to not allow non humans on the beach ANYWHERE. (I think the closest dog beach is in Manhattan somewhere) This doggie beach will create a secondary scene on Thursday nights NORTH of the pier. Dog owners can listen to the music and drink Four Lokos whilst they flirt with other dog owners. Furthermore, someone is going to have to shovel all that dog shit. Thus my dog beach will create jobs. The homeless of the west side aren't unskilled, they're just unmotivated. Does anything say second chance more than an opportunity to be a Doggie Beach Attendant in Santa Monica? I think not. Don't thank me people, I'm just a humanitarian getting people off the streets.
3. Light the bike path.
Remember the cool parent in high school that was like "well, the kids are going to drink, they might as well do it in my basement so at least I know they're being responsible." The Santa Monica Police need to adopt a similarly laissez faire attitude about biking intoxicated. There is absolutely no punishment that could possibly dissuade me from riding my bike drunk. I firmly believe that I could outrun any police officer on a bike and lose him down an alley, even after two magnums of wine. But not everyone is as skilled a cyclist as me, and as long as there is no hard ban on bringing toddlers to the beach, one of them will inevitably wander onto the path causing some sort of tragedy. And whilst double vision is hardly ideal cycling conditions, double vision with light is preferable to double vision and absolute darkness. See at 10 o clock it's pretty dark, this is when the pier concert ends. But when I stumble out of Big Dean's at one in the morning, it is the fucking absence of light. I have a bike light and so do most people, but a streetlamp lighting the path every 100 feet certainly wouldn't hurt. Due to the new lava parking lot, bicycles will be the primary mode of transportation, so let's take care of them shall we?
Dog park, lava parking, path lights and a Great Wall. These are my modest requests in ensuring that everyone has an excellent, safe summer, full of cheap wine and good vibes. Oh and if you can get Haim to come play the pier again that would be cool too. They can fill in for Yuna or the prostate exam guy, though I was somewhat looking forward to the latter. AWOL 4 life, Silverlake sucks.
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