Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Film Crew Stereotypes: Costumes

So you've decided your significant other sucks/you just found out there is a warrant out for your arrest in your current state/you're sick of the cold and need a change, GREAT NEWS! I am here to guide you to a successful career in the entertainment industry right here in sunny Los Angeles! But before you fire all your old friends and move out here, you might want to have some semblance of an idea of what you want to do. That is where I come in. In several years of production I have built up a lifetime of stereotypes about every department, and now I'm going to vomit them all out for you and you can decide where you think you will best fit.

I had originally planned on doing this all in one post,  but I tend to lose you guys after about 500 words, so I'll be doing one department at a time until I'm done, or lose interest.

Take the plunge with me and let's get you into a lifetime of unions, craft service and bitterness! First department up COSTUMES.

Oh costumes, I love/hate you so much. Let's just point out the obvious right away. Costumes is the only department that is dominated by women, and as such, will likely provide you the most temptation for an interoffice romance. The costume PA is almost always a smoke show. You can also hope that at least one of the set costumers or costume buyer will be equally gorgeous, but before I get ahead of myself let's breakdown the department.

Who are they?

The costume department are a set of FIDM dropouts that outfit the actors in their character wardrobe. The department is composed of the following.

Costume Designer - Department head, makes all creative decisions for wardrobe in conjunction with the showrunner, director and line producer. Fits all the actors, is usually a pretty cool chick in her early 40's. Almost always has a secret stash of booze in the cooler in her mini-fridge. Will hook you up with swag at the end of the season if she likes you.

Costume Supervisor- The costume designer handles the creative aspects of the department, the supervisor deals with the practical elements. Oh the designer likes this cute top from J Crew? Well that scene shoots tomorrow, and if we overnight it from the website, it won't make it here before noon. We need it in a small, there is one in Beverly Hills, but we need one for the stand-in or stunt double too. There is another one is in Pasadena, those cities are 2 hours apart in LA traffic. See how this job is kind of annoying? The costume supervisor is either someone that is pretty chill and just kept getting promoted, or they are SUPER bitter that they aren't a designer and come off like Cindarella's evil stepmother. There also are some male costume supervisors. This may strike you as strange, and you would likely assume that they are all gay or like streetware dudes. Not always the case, in fact my favorite game to play with the guys in the costume department is GAY or NOT GAY. Just like I used to play shaved/unshaved and spits/swallows with chicks. (It doesn't matter, I'm just curious, I HAVE TO KNOW) There used to be signs, a wedding ring meant straight, but that's not necessarily true anymore. There are sneaky gays and sneaky straights all over LA. Sometimes dudes just get stuck in the costume department because clothing racks are heavy and they were standing closest when costumes needed a PA.

Set Costumer- So this is the person that hangs out in the trailer, outfits extras with random shit and readjusts actors collars and what not in between takes. If you have ever dressed yourself you are qualified to be a set costumer, and congratulations, you make about $2500 a week to smoke cigarettes and shoot the shit with actors. I can't be too bitter though, because costumers have to do like a 2 year pledgeship of PA'ing and then 2 more years in a costume rental house just to get into the union. For this reason they like to go to happy hour and get wrecked. I endorse this behavior.

Costume Buyer- So remember how the supervisor found those two tops in Beverly Hills and Pasadena? Well she doesn't actually leave the office to get them, she has to deal with budgets and paperwork, she sends the buyer. The costume buyer literally shops for a living, she buys hundreds of thousands of dollars of shit all over LA, lugs it around in her car and brings it to set. But the costume buyer also has miserable expense reports and even worse. Returns. I have had to do some horrible shit in my life, but nothing is worse than a wardrobe return. It is not uncommon to buy 10 different outfit options from a store and then return 9 1/2. Stores do not like this practice, even less because lots of low budget things will use a costume once and still try to return it, for this reason any time someone from the costume department returns something they have to have an elaborate story for why they are returning it, if your plan is foiled...try the next Nordstrom. I was a costume PA for one day. I was denied at Target, I called the designer and said lying was against my faith and I quit. I still have nightmares.

Costume PA- The costume PA does all the horrible shit a buyer does, except she gets paid 10 dollars an hour instead of 32. She spends her days returning stuff to Target and inventorying clothing racks in dark rooms. I imagine this is not what they promised you in film school. But because the costume PA hates her job she is very likely to engage you on gchat and talk about where you two should go out drinking Saturday night.

What are they like?
Well for the most part, costumers have an easy gig and make a fortune. Like many of the departments, once you get past PA'ing and get into the union, you have it made. Your typical costume department person lives in Los Feliz and is on the cooler end of hipster. Lots of hats, very skinny jeans, I mean since they work in wardrobe they feel the need to make a statement with almost every outfit. They are more likely to take trips to the Far East and Africa as opposed to your bro ragers in Ibiza, more a Burning Man than Coachella crowd, and there will be tattoos. OH THERE WILL BE TATTOOS. Costume girls always infuriate me with their leather boots and pink hair, until they have an IPA with me and tell me why they believe there is merit in open relationships, then I give them a bit of a free pass.

Salary?
Again, one or two PA's will make $700 a week plus mileage. Usually costume PA's drive a fuck ton. So if you don't mind spending 3-4 hours in your car a day, this could be a career for you. I would say that it's not irrational to expect to clear $850 a week as a costume PA. Once you join 705 though? It's a done deal...you're easily making six figures if you work consistently, yet the costume crew will still bitch that hair and make-up make more. Designers can be repped by top level agencies and I would imagine that top designers in film and on network shows could conceivably clear a million a year, especially if they do some commercials on the side.

How do I get there?
Oh for fuck's sake do not go to FIDM. Go to UCLA or something. A lot of kids go to little liberal arts colleges and then come out to LA and start in the independent film world, or they do a friend's short or some local rapper's music video. Eventually you will get linked up with a designer or supervisor and they will hire you to PA on a show with them. From there it's a war of attrition, and fortunately the cool scene for hipsters is around Echo Park where you can live basically for free. You can always just fuck a producer and he can pay the penalty to buy you straight into the union. You meet a cute 25 year old set costumer? She TOTALLY fucked someone.

Verdict:
I mean if you're a woman and you like clothes, or you just really want to be around entertainment without being in production, writing or art this is not a terrible place to land. Again, often the most attractive department, the hottest girl on your show will almost always be a costume PA, writer's assistant or producer's assistant. If you think wardrobe is stupid and you hate clothes, still a good idea to be friends with these chicks (and or straight/gay men) they're cool, down to earth and can gibe you free shit. Just ignore their fake gluten allergies, I know...it's annoying.

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