Tuesday, October 14, 2014

That F*ck Yeah Moment

Commissioner Gordon saves the day
College prepared me for life while also distorting my world view. For example, money was unlimited in college and there were no consequences for my actions. Or perhaps I just remember my Senior year of college where I gave zero fucks and decided to live in the present.

In many ways, once you graduate college, everything is the same again, except you press the reset button. You go from the oldest, most senior and influential beings in a social system to being jack shit again. This likely applies in almost all walks of life, regardless of the industry you chose. However, I think it rings especially true in entertainment. As soon as you foolishly decide to join this absurdist fraternity of lost souls you immediately become a pledge again.

...annnd it's pretty much the exact same as college pledging except it lasts 3-7 years and no one throws buckets of ice at you or circles your fat.

And so it goes the rest of your life slowly climbing the chain of command in 3-7 year segments until eventually you are a Senior (Producer, super agent, studio head) and again money is unlimited and there are no consequences for your actions.

But now, we are all pledges. Eh, some of my friends are on the cusp of getting initiated, but they will only be neophytes...junior managers, staff writers and the such. Nothing to get TOO excited about.

In fact right now we're all in the middle of pledgeship. The cool kids are manning desks at CAA and WME, while the second tier crowd are screaming that Paradigm is an agency on the rise. All those shitty spring pledges are fucking around in reality tv and then there are the kids like me who dicked around doing something else for a while and finally decided to take the plunge in their third semester of college.

So since I decided to spend two years in Chicago doing c- I mean, selling computers before moving to LA and pledging entertainment, so it appears that I will be that older guy in the pledge class that always has to buy booze, er...rent cars? Whatever, it's fine. I regret nothing.

But whilst I reminisce about my Freshman year of college to draw an extended metaphor, I remember that it wasn't actually THAT bad and neither is schlepping around as someone's assistant for a few years.

In life there are these moments, since I like to curse let's call them "Fuck yeah moments." You see them in movies and tv all the time. These are the moments when you pump your fist and you want to cheer. Bill Murray showing up to play the Monstars, Ryan showing up at Oliver's party 2 seconds before midnight, Jack telling Kate they have to go back, Kevin Spacey buying that 1970 Firebird because he FUCKING wanted to. GAHHHHH Walter White making that motherfucker call him Heisenberg, and you fucking LOVING him for it!

These moments are engineered, they are scripted. Professional writers are paid a lot of money to tug at very specific heart strings that make you want to stand up and cheer in these scenes, but in life they are a tad more rare. Sure you feel great when you get a raise or you do a good job on something, maybe a date goes well, your efforts pay off in a satisfying way.

But this is different, it's not so much the feeling you might get winning the lottery, it is a moment of indistinguishable clarity where you think HOLY FUCK, LIFE IS FUCKING GREAT.

I have had two such fuck yeah moments in my lifetime. The first was very early in college, I remember having a fairly epic night out on the town. (Looking back it was fairly tame, but as a sheltered 18 year old it was awesome) I think I pregamed with some pledge brothers, went to a basketball game before eventually ending up at Kilroy's. I met a cute girl and went back with her to Teter dorm (GDI!!!) and I'm pretty sure we innocently made out until we both fell asleep. Walking back to Briscoe Shoemaker the next morning, I couldn't believe that the next four years (which seemed like an eternity) were going to be exactly like this.

Let me get this straight...I have to go to class for like five hours a day (Noon-5, no AM classes) and outside of that I get to hang out with my friends constantly and party with thousands of hot chicks in a place with one dollar shots? And oh by the way, if I sweep some halls for 8 weeks and let people throw buckets of ice at me I can join the ranks of the social elite? Are you kidding me? College is fucking incredible, like is this real life? Yes, yes it is.

Of course you can imagine my dismay when every year got better and better. First there is that whole, NOT sweeping halls anymore thing, the study abroad, meeting awesome people, learning a lot about things that generally interest you, growing as a person, relationships, formals, road trips...and I mean, Senior year? Give me a fucking break? That was like a 365 day orgasm, not literally of course (well...) but about the most satisfying way to spend a year of your life.

And then it's over just as quickly as it began. Sadness. But I'll still always remember that first fuck yeah moment I had Freshman year. I wouldn't feel it again until about 8 years later. I had finished college, dicked around in Chicago for a while and finally due to a set of fortunate circumstances, landed in LA.

Things weren't great right away of course. I bounced in and out of jobs, I lived on a foam mattress pad in a lesbian couple's guest room in the valley sans air conditioning. Outside of my core group I had no friends, and no real ambition. I was lost. But as it goes, those who wander long enough eventually find their way, I landed in Venice after a while with two good friends, started to figure this LA thing out...and then one day I was driving a golf cart around the Uni lot talking to Al Madrigal about my weekend. He was telling stories about getting high in the bathroom at the Emmy's and I was telling him about trying to surf some colossal waves after getting stupidly drunk at The Chive offices, it hit me.

I had another Fuck Yeah moment. Let me get this straight, I have to fuck around on a golf cart with comedians for like 60 hours a week, (normal office hours, because fuck working nights on set) and outside of that I get to hang out with my friends constantly and party with thousands of hot chicks on a beach that is perpetually 80 degrees and has 5 dollar beers? And oh by the way, if I sweep the halls for 4 years and let people yell at me I can join the ranks of the social elite? Are you fucking kidding me? LA is fucking incredible, like is this real life? Yes, yes it is.

So there you have it. I imagine, like pledging, there are times that the next few years will suck. (And to be honest, you can throw this frat metaphor straight to hell, anything that you have ever struggled through you can draw parallels to) But I also can assume that the best is yet to come. There are adventures that await me that I can't even fathom yet. If the now is pretty spectacular, what is senior year of life going to hold?

So now, I guess I'll just enjoy the present for what it's worth. Some funny stuff happens on the way to the top. Like remember when you would hook up with a smoking hot chick during welcome week and then she would go on to be like a Pi Phi social chair? I would always silently high five myself in those situations, equate it to getting in on a monster IPO like Uber or something and then argue with friends to see if situations such as that counted as part of the Sorority lap...I digress.

But isn't it funny that situations like that pop up in life too. I've possibly dated the future head of HBO or the next Shonda Rhimes. You too may laugh to yourself some day when a new CEO is announced...gah, back when we were Freshm-- err...analysts. Just like someone in the Greek system your age eventually had to become president, the same will ring true in your chosen industry.

Everyone is going through the same shit, it's easy to feel lost sometimes. Like am I where I'm supposed to be? Why am I behind professionally, why am I not married, when am I having kids? Is it weird to be approaching 30 and live with roommates, did I make a wrong choice.

Naw man...it's just the angst you have about being at the beginning of something, I used to call my mom on the way home from line ups, dripping in like rotten eggs and like literally asking her to come down to Bloomington and pick me up because I hated college. Then the next day I would go get drunk on a double decker pontoon boat and swear that I had the best life in the world. Of course this happens still. I'll work a 17 hour day and feel completely unappreicated and then the next night be back stage at a Skrillex concert doing key bumps with Miles Teller. There are always going to be ups and downs, but I surmise that the further along the adventure we go, there will be more ups.

You know, I don't know if I will ever have another Fuck Yeah Moment. It seems that if college is a transitional microcosm for the rest of your life as an adult, one during and one after would seem to make sense. Some people may never have one. Or perhaps the day I make eye contact with the girl I'm going to marry, the day I find out I'm going to be a dad, these are seemingly monumental moments that might cross my path some day. I guess there's only one way to find out.

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