Your boss has kids. Her kids are shitty. Her shitty kids ruined her body. She used to be sexy, now her vagina looks like a beat up roast beef sandwich. She resents her kids. She hates her husband who turned into a pussy and started wearing pleated pants. She wants to do drugs again, she wants to have sex with a younger man, she won't even make him wear a condom.
This is not what she expected. She thought she would love being a mother. All she ever wanted was to get married. She would look gorgeous on her wedding day. She would write a novel. Life would be amazing.
But then her husband had diarrhea with the door open while her 6 month old vomited on her sagging breast and she realized how miserable she was.
This is your boss.
She probably fucked the cool kids in high school. She smoked pot. But for whatever reason things didn't work out the way she expected.
And now she takes them out on you. This is just one of many scenarios.
I too fell well short of my expectations.
When I was a little kid I thought for sure I was going to be a professional baseball player. I hit like 3 home runs a year off of other middle class white kids that lived in the Geist area. Clearly that meant I was good enough for the show.
Fast forward a few years to college I just wanted to have sex with a girl in every sorority and not get AIDS. I lowered the bar a little bit, I still fell short and now I live in a 3 bedroom/1 bath apartment in Venice. But I couldn't be happier.
I have accomplished a lot less than I expected, but that doesn't matter to me anymore. I found a lifestyle that makes me happy and that is more important than realizing all of your dreams.
Your boss probably doesn't have that, and that's why you get treated like shit. Here are some archetypes of your potential boss and why they are probably a cunt.
The married guy with kids
The married guy with kids used to be just like you man. He would go out on school nights and show up hungover to work. He dated multiple women at the same time. He had passion. He wanted to be an entrepreneur, he had ideas that would change the world.
What about a photo sharing service that could bring people together over a social network? It would be like Facebook and Twitter combined? He had this idea years ago, but instead went to work for an insurance company for more stability for his future family. Now he is resentful of everything and everyone. He hates his family and works late to avoid them, obviously he makes you stay late too. He doesn't care if you have a Santa Monica Pier concert to get to. He doesn't care if some chick got you tickets to Taylor Swift and she will likely blow you afterwards. There are sacrifices that have to be made for a career buddy boy.
Oh and the off night that he let's you out 5 minutes before beginning your 13th hour, he will make it sound like he's the greatest guy in the world. "Why don't you pack up a little early tonight pal? Go have fun for those of us who can't."
Go fuck yourself man, it's 8:55pm and the line at Buffalo Club is already 2 miles long.
The single unmarried hag
The single unmarried hag was unpopular in school and waited until college to have sex. She operated under the baseline assumption that she and her one night stand partner would begin dating and live happily ever after.
He never called her back.
After a miserable life of non-inclusion, the single unmarried hag (SUH) told herself that if she kept her head down and worked hard, she would get the last laugh.
Well now she's 38 and works in middle-management. The last thing she needs is some cocky asshat reminding her of the people that stuffed her in lockers and now live extravagant lifestyles. No, the SUH hates you at your core, and she will have her vengeance by making you suffer.
Late nights? Yep. Called in on weekends? Oh sure. She literally has NOTHING better to do, save for care for an old cat. My God if that cat dies she will just walk into oncoming traffic.
The truth is most superiors do not give a fuck about their subordinates. They are worried about their own lives, their own problems. But if your supervisor is a SUH and you show up two minutes late? By God everyone in the office is going to know, all because you didn't invite her to the last office happy hour.
The dirtbag
Unlike the married guy with kids and the SUH, the dirtbag does have something better to do. He also wants to gtfo so he can go fuck some scabies infected Hooters waitress. He goes out on Tuesday nights, he calls in sick a lot and has a ton of mysterious 'doctor's appointments.'
He is largely disconnected from his job and one would think that this would let you fly under the radar.
However, the dirtbag is sloppy with his work and often just piles shit on his underlings so that he can quicker get out of the office and into the strip club.
It would not be unlike him to be like, "hey man, I gotta run, but I told the SVP we would have all of those POs logged by Monday morning 7am. Cool?"
Meanwhile he just piled 4 hours of work on you Friday at 4pm.
Also the dirtbag has NO problem throwing you under the bus.
"Where are those new reports we discussed on Friday?"
Uhhhh what?
"Sorry sir, I'll have a talk with Dave and see what went wrong."
Sorry for that dude, don't worry about it, John doesn't expect much from you anyway.
This is not a great situation for upward mobility. Fortunately, the dirtbag can only keep his antics up for so long until he trips over his dick and is subsequently fired.
Midlife crisis woman
Everything was fine until it hit her like a ton of bricks. She was going to be a mover and a shaker in Hollywood, but settled for a production services gig at a studio where she is basically a doormat.
She played the game, she worked at WME for four years as an assistant. She even fucked some of the right people but it just didn't work out.
My God she is living in the valley. RENTING. IN THE GOD DAMN VALLEY.
Now she's in a long term relationship with some balding guy whose dick doesn't really work. He calls himself a producer, but he made like one short film once upon a time and now does AD work on commercials occasionally.
Midlife crisis woman just found out thats she's 32, has no kids, no career prospects and lives in a fucking desert. All of her friends are more successful than her, they post their insufferable fucking children on Facebook and have rich husbands that buy them memberships to Soul Cycle.
She wants a fucking Soul Cycle membership...and Yoga Works too. Why can't her husband just be more successful so she can be one of the white women that sip rose over three hour lunches in Beverly Hills?
GOD DAMMIT!
Why are you happy Dave? You're fucking fired!
***
The truth is, the reason your boss treats you like shit is there is something missing in their life. They are bitter that things didn't work out a certain way.
There is nothing wrong with you, they are the one with the problem. My advice? Don't sweat it! While you are shotgunning beers and cuming on tits (or having your tits cum on) during the weekends they are sad and lonely...possibly crying and masturbating with household items they bought on QVC while their cat watches.
You've got more to live for my friends, can't waste any of your prime being bitter, it will work out in the end, it always does.
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