Tuesday, March 28, 2017

The Day I Became a Democrat


I never thought it could happen to me.

One of my first memories as a young child was watching the Presidential returns on the evening of the 1992 election.

"Who are we rooting for?"

George Bush. He's a Republican.

"And why are we rooting for him and not the other guy?"

Because Bill Clinton is a Democrat and Democrats think that the rich people should give some of their money to poor people to make them less poor. Republicans think people should work hard for a living.

I'm kidding. I don't know what the fuck my parents said. It was 25 years ago and I was five years old.

The truth is, I never had strong feelings one way or the other. I think both sides bring up some very fair points. You should have to be drug tested to receive government assistance! But also every person should be able to afford health insurance! People should use whatever bathroom they want! Kilroy's had unisex bathrooms one summer and it worked out fine!

I even thought Bernie's little dreamland of 60% taxes with everything free was kind of fun. It works in Denmark!

But in all honestly, I would be lying to you if I said that my decision to come out as a democrat was in part because of the election. TBH I don't give a fuck about Trump. Ya I voted for Hillary, but as a straight white man with affluent parents, I'm going to be just fine. I mean...did I write a stunt script called The Interview 2 where a struggling writer goes after POTUS? Sure, but mostly I did it for lolz.

No, the decision was made after I read this article from a Santa Monica City Councilman.

I'll save you the agony of reading it but essentially this city councilman along with some of his buddies made a dream list of proposals to 'Make Santa Monica Great Again.'

Chief among them was this specific passage.

  • Our Pier is a success by all measures. Unfortunately, the Twilight Dance Concerts are now a security burden to our city. They must be canceled and reimagined. Above all let’s remember that while we share our Pier with the world it must retain its local flavor.

Oh no...

OH FUCK NO.

Did some fuckboy just suggest CANCELLING MY BELOVED TWILIGHT PIER CONCERT?

Hold on, let's scour the internet for a photo of this so-called coalition trying to ruin my summer.


WELL HOLY SHIT!!!

Kinda looks like the membership of the Motion Picture Academy! #SantaMonicaSoWhite

Can we zoom in really quick? How about that guy in the middle?

 

ENHANCE!!!

 

ENHANCE!!!!

 

That is the face of someone who has never consumed three bottles of Pinot Noir on the beach followed by an XL Godmother from Bay Cities.

Now look I realize that as a young white guy, it is my destiny to become an old white guy. Outside of dying tragically young there is nothing I can do to avoid this fate. What I can do, however is vow to never be a bitter, 'get off my lawn,' type grown-up.

Phil Brock, the author of the document (I believe he is far right in the photo) goes on to rally about trimming the fat in city hall and reducing government spending. (HM WHERE HAVE I HEARD THAT BEFORE?) Upon further personal research, I discovered that this is the main argument against continuing the Twilight Concert Series as security costs for the weekly event last summer ballooned to nearly a million dollars, mostly going to hire private security guards and pay for police overtime.

That is hardly the only argument against though as many Santa Monica residents are none too thrilled with an additional 50,000 people coming to the beach every Thursday night to get drunk. It adds traffic, it adds noise, it adds...energy.

You can even see Mr. Brock's bias in his own words where he erroneously refers to the concert series as the 'Twilight Dance Concerts." It is in fact the Twilight concert series with only a single show last year, Rufus Du Sol, falling under the category of 'dance music.' Surely the kids weren't dropping molly before checking out 77 year old gospel singer Mavis Staples.

But even so, let's eliminate all of Mr. Brock's prejudices and take his argument, strictly as a fiscal one.

I took the liberty of diving into Santa Monica's 380 page 2015-2017 operating budget.

TL;DR Santa Monica generates $550,000,000 a year.
Santa Monica spent $950,000 last year on the Twilight concerts.
Santa Monica spent .17% of their budget.

Now this is one of the arguments often AGAINST defunding Planned Parenthood. It's a drop in the bucket, there is no way defunding a relatively small program can help the country balance its budget!

But let's even look past that.

The Twilight Concerts are more than likely GENERATING revenue for the city. It brings people to the city to shop at its stores, eat at its restaurants, drink at its bars. In fact 68% of Santa Monica's revenue is derived from local taxes. 15% comes from fines, licenses and permits. Guess what! The city isn't letting KCRW use the pier for free!

And that doesn't include many of the other revenue streams it generates, metro rides, parking fees, sponsorship opportunities.

Hell, if the million dollars is too much to pay up front, make Snapchat cover it. They are DYING to fit into this community. What better way to buy some good will than to save the community's most precious tradition?

Surely one could find ancillary arguments to harp on. Namely is it a generally good idea to let 50,000 people get drunk on the beach? And I would be inclined to hear this if there had been some societal harm done, but there are rarely any arrests, any damage done, any thefts. It essentially has the same vibe as a college football tailgate, the difference is that when Mr. Brock (presumably) drives to USC to tailgate on Saturdays he isn't doing it in his own back yard.

In closing, I want to say that I believe in traditions. The TCS has been going on for over 30 years. It is beloved by many hundreds of thousands of west siders in the greater Los Angeles area. It is a way to showcase our city, something that sets us apart. Anecdotally, every time I take an out of towner to one of these shows, it ranks at the top of their experiences in California.

Summer is short and should be celebrated, the arts are important and the feeling of riding your bike north up the bike path while the sun dips below the Santa Monica mountains is something we cannot afford to lose.

It's been some time since the aforementioend op ed was written and the Twilight Series will indeed continue on this year. It will be scaled down from 10 to 8 weeks and private security will take over to lower costs. But I believe we are staring down the beginning of the end

So take an extra look at the Ferris wheel this summer. Have one more pint at Big Dean's. Don't worry about that early Friday meeting as some day in the near future you won't have a reason to rush home on Thursdays anymore.

Because as we know, it's always only a matter of time until old white men ruin everything.
 

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