East v West

In 2008 I studied abroad through Marist College with a bunch of Jewish girls from "Western Mass."
It was a fantastic time. I went with 7 guys from my frat and we lived in a 10 person flat that was located below a law firm. With no neighbors after 6pm, things got quite aggressive and loud. In fact one of the 10 had to go home early after his internal organs shut down due to whisky consumption.

We also traveled every weekend and one time I found myself in Switzerland talking to a young lady from Los Angeles. When she asked me where I was from, I responded 'Indiana.'

"OMG I love the east coast."

I didn't understand what she meant by this, the east coast didn't seem to be tied to our conversation, but I just went with it.

"Uh, ya...I like the east coast too."

"Do you guys all have like shore houses that you drive to in the summer?"

"Shore houses no we have lake hous-" I trailed off as it dawned on me...this chick thinks Indiana is on the Eastern seaboard.

There are in fact a minimum of four states separating Indiana and the Atlantic Ocean. Referring to Indiana as 'east coast' would be equivalent to referring to Kansas as 'west coast.'

I remember going through the many stages of grief. At first I was mad. How the hell does this girl not know basic geography? Did she not need to know her states and capitols to pass the fourth grade?

But eventually I landed on acceptance. Indiana is in the grand scheme of things, irrelevant.

I ended up pretending that Indiana was somewhere around Pittsburgh the remainder of my conversation with this young woman and ended up shacking with her in an 8 bedroom cold dorm in a hostel.

I tell this story for two reasons.
1. brag about hooking up, duh.
2. I am about to say some controversial stuff about Los Angeles and I want you to know that I have been on the other side of the coin. I know how it feels to live somewhere irrelevant.

So let's start with today's query...What is the border of West Side and East Side in Los Angeles?

Countless people before me have tried to tackle this question, and countless have failed to provide an acceptable answer. After you leave here today, I promise to give you a hard and firm OFFICIAL position of what this blog considers to be the East and West side of Los Angeles...

But first let's start with a map of LA.



Now I will tell you a story.

In 2014, a couple hipsters in Silverlake called an actual town hall meeting to formally remove themselves as an east side neighborhood. Their rationale was that it was disrespectful to the people that lived East of the LA river.

A couple notes on that...
1. The only time anyone should be east of the LA river is once a year for a birthday at Art's District Brewery or to buy stolen car parts in Boyle Heights.
2. Look at the official map of Los Angeles above me; there are maybe two neighborhoods in Los Angeles east of downtown. Downtown is like the eastern boundary of the city of Los Angeles and any rational person will tell you that Silverlake is squarely on LA's east side.

For whatever reason, this stupid crusade caught a lof of momentum and the debate about East Side West Side flared up. The LA Times asked people to draw their own map. The finished product looked something like this.

 

So I'm just going to throw this out there.

This map is a joke.

Just like many a Manhattan Beach bro will tell you 'there is no life east of Sepulveda.'  I can tell you that there is straight up nothing east of downtown except LA's version of Spearmint Rhino and possibly a couple tire yards.

So if Curbed LA and The LA Times aren't going to help us, perhaps I will have to do some primary research of my own.

A 2013 LA Weekly article proposed 5 ways of looking at the imaginary boundary.

I'll go ahead and save you a click. The article is not helpful. It breaks down how certain ethnic groups view the boundary and then how GANGBANGERS view the boundary. Allegedly there are gang members in Echo Park who throw up the 'west side' gang sign. Here's a hot take, the echo bark gangsters rep the west side because A. The west side is dope. B. The west side gang sign is MUCH more fun to throw up than the east side gang sign.

Every white person reading this right now has thrown up a W in their life.

 

So let's alter the mission of this post.

I seek to find out the border that separates east and west among drunk yuppies arguing with their friends.

Now I should be clear of any 3rd generation family from Alahambra or a crunchy hipster from West Adams telling me that my definition is a lie. I'm sure that Alahambra and West Adams are lovely places to raise a family, but in the grand scheme of things...for people in the entertainment industry making 50-85 thousand dollars a year...these places, like Indiana, are irrelevant.

Onward...let's throw out a few givens.

1. 310 area code
In order to identify as a west sider you need to live in an area that traditionally carries a 310 area code.

Sure this excludes some 818ers from west valley but the valley is the valley and it's gross. Move out of your parents' basement you child. Oh wait, they don't have basements in California...so you can't even sneak girls in and out of the basement door? What are you doing with your life?

Strictly using the area code trims a lot of fat, but we still have those annoying port of LA cities, Culver and Beverly Hills to take care of...

2. You must be reasonably able to ride a bike to a west facing beach
If you will refer to the LA map (figure 1) you will see that the last neighborhoods in southwest Los Angeles are Playa Del Rey and Westchester. We can argue whether Westchester belongs or if LA just did it to encapsulate LAX, but at least it contiguous.

What is laughable is the narrow line drawn due south from the hood (South LA) in order to lay claim of San Pedro and the port of LA. Now, while port of LA may indeed lay within the 310 area code...no reasonable person from Wilmington, San Pedro or Harbor City are riding their bikes to Hermosa Beach. I'm sure it's possible, I rode my bike to Ventura once, but it is not a reasonable expectation.

So to hell with you and your cruise ships San Pedro, you're just a glorified Long Beach to me.

But what does this tell us about Culver City and Beverly Hills? Again, technically they aren't even part of Los Angeles, but this is a bar argument for privileged white kids and privileged white kids definitely live in both Culver City and Beverly Hills. Let's split is, 30,000 people rode their bikes from Culver City to Venice Beach last Sunday. But I'm pretty sure no one in Beverly Hills owns a bike. Culver City is not yet excluded.

3. You must be able to wear shorts in the bar. 
With the exception of maybe Shore Bar and Buffalo Club almost every west side bar will let you in with shorts. In fact, most bars on the west side will let you in wearing Rainbows an obnoxious bro tank and a pair of 4 inch inseam Chubbies. If you get denied from a bar in this outfit, you are not on the west side. (Or you are at a bar run by Crossroads alum. Crossroads kids are like the east siders of the west side, they suck)

4. Pass the eye test.
So this is a bit subjective, but let's say I told you I was 'out on the west side.' You would likely assume I was in Venice or Santa Monica. Possibly Brentwood but even that was a stretch.
If it then turned out I was at Pink Taco in the Century City mall this would confuse you, because while Century City is west-ish, it is certainly not on the west side. Hell, you're closer to WeHo than the beach.

Similarly if you live on Gayley in Westwood, you would not tell someone you 'live on the west side.' (Well I suppose you could but you would be a fraud) You would say I live in Westwood. It's not like UCLA is a strange hamlet that no one has ever heard of, similarly a Culver City person would probably say they 'live in Culver City.'

THEREFORE. Century City, Culver City and Westwood DO NOT pass the eye test.

What does pass the eye test? Mar Vista (Venice adjacent) West LA (Santa Monica adjacent) even Playa Vista (Marina Del Rey adjacent)

So to recap. If you are in a 310 zone, easily bikable to the beach, you can wear shorts to a bar and it feels like you're on the west side? You're on the west side.

So what is this border?

(Before I give you this answer I want you to know how badly I wanted to troll you all and just say Lincoln. In fact, I wrote an article for the Venice Beach Head in 2013 how I wanted to build a giant wall on Lincoln to keep all of the filthy east siders [I referred to them as wildlings] out. It is entirely likely I gave Trump the idea for a wall. And as much as I may abhor 'west side' life east of Lincoln, I acknowledge its right to exist)

The 405.

You must be west of the 405 to be on the west side.

NOW, does this mean that EVERYTHING east of the 405 is the east side?

No it does not.

No one would mistake Diddy Riese as an east side establishment. A west sider could correctly establish that he was 'heading east' to get a delicious ice cream sandwich but there is certainly a difference between going east and going TO THE east. Just like Indiana is East of here but not THE EAST.

No the east side starts at La Cienega. If you live east of La Cienega you are an east sider...

Well what about everything in the middle Dave?

Well if you live in the middle, I suppose you live in Indiana and that's why no one ever wants to visit you.