The Hundred Dollar Challenge

Look around your timeline and what do you see?

Oh there's Meredith taking some some time out of her daily shaming of racist Bumble bros to reenact the Sound of Music in Austria.

Kyle is posing with an especially phallic elephant trunk in Thailand and posting a trillion pictures so you will realize how skinny he has gotten.

Michelle is...well I don't know where she is, she's been traveling the world for the past 2 months. She's probably at a bar right now getting very drunk mourning the death of Rosewood.

It must be May.

Yes, one of the time honored traditions for television assistants is the international May excursion. Pilots are done, pickups are looming and production won't start for at least a few weeks. What better time to get blasted on the top bunk of an Icelandic hostel by some bro you met on your WOW air flight?

Last year I participated by going to Scandinavia, it was lit. This year I had looked at both Iceland and Colombia but then I had to push my plans because last week was supposed to be my first week as a staff writer!!!

Alas, it was not meant to be.

Anytime something shitty happens to me, I allow myself a week to be sad and then I put together the pieces and head back to the drawing board.

I kicked off my week of sadness strongly by burning down Venice on Cinco De Mayo and going on a truly impressive 12 hour bender on Saturday.

Now as I sit here watching the ominous weather, waiting to hear if my car will ever be fixed, furiously refreshing Deadline; I am at the part where I slowly begin to process my emotions. A shitty thing happened. I will survive. Maybe I'll watch some Handmaiden's Tale to remind myself things aren't THAT bad.

BUT...

There is one more loose end to tie off before I get back into responsibility mode. One thing I forgot that I had agreed to before I had my week from hell.

We have to deal with that little Vegas trip I had planned.

I'm just going to throw this out there...Vegas is not a place one should go when the future is uncertain. Going to Colombia is more responsible than going to Vegas because you can always stay in a 5 dollar a night hostel and drink cheap booze in your room. I was in Denmark last year for 8 days and I spent $500. I once spent that in Vegas in an hour.

That said, the things that tend to make Vegas expensive are somewhat avoidable. I went there with my dad in December and we didn't spend shit, because we were making cheap bets in the sports book all day. I went back in January and spent very little because Jack is well connected. When Vegas goes south is when you try to act like somebody you're not. When you try to go Full Persian and get the table on the dance floor during Chainsmokers...

One should never go Full Persian.

Aside from the nightclub experience, the pool party during the day can get pricey, flights, hotel...

But what if you could eliminate all of that?

I mean Vegas is a place where you can openly drink on the street, right? The CVS next to Planet Hollywood has 2 dollar 40's. Hell you get free beer at TODs in Aria if you can finish them in 7 seconds. If my fraternity training gave me anything, it's the ability to quickly consume alcohol.

***

As the trip approached and I began to dread telling my friends I was out (I hate people that bail, I try never to do it) I had an alternate idea. What if I could do the trip for the same cost as (or less than) a normal Saturday in LA?

STEP ONE: The Uber...
You may not know this but Spirit Airlines has a 6am flight to Vegas from LAX every Saturday. No one is ever on it because who wants to fly to Vegas at 6 o clock in the morning?

It is $40.

They also have a flight that leaves Vegas for LAX every Saturday at 830pm. No one is ever on it because who wants to leave Vegas at 830pm?

It is $40.

Spirit also charges $20 each way for you to book online. It's called the passenger usage fee. No one knows this or ever takes advantage of it because...who wants to go to the airport to buy a ticket?

But what I am telling you, is it possible to get a roundtrip flight from LAX to LAS for $40 or roughly the cost of an Uber from Venice to Hollywood.

Ok but what about the other costs associated with getting to the airport? Uber? Parking?

Oh please homie...you don't know about parking on the street on Kittyhawk and walking to parking lot C?

STEP TWO: The creative pregame

A query: Could one arrive in Vegas with $100 in cash and survive the day?

Ok so let's say you could get to Vegas and back for $40. Everything is expensive AF there right? I mean what, you get to Vegas at 7:30 am, to the strip by 8? Now what?

The obvious answer is the walking pregame. The strip is cool! It's big! AND THERE IS NO OPEN CONTAINER LAW!

Get fucked up on the cheap by wandering around taking stupid pictures! Carry around a 12 pack and shotgun beers in front of local landmarks. Turn it into a game. Turn it into a Snap story.

STEP THREE: The hook up

All right full disclosure, this one takes a bit of luck. Maybe, just maybe you have a few friends staying in Vegas that weekend. After your sensational shotgun strip pregame, you wake up the boys with a bottle of vodka and in exchange they let you change into a swimsuit and leave your shit in there for the day. That's what friends are for!

But also because you know a DJ, you have a dope pool party for the squad to go to gratis.

Ya that's right. I'm talking about the hook up. It pays to be connected folks. Pregame in the hotel room, until noon...and I mean like pregame like you have never pregamed before in your life. Then you hit the pool at noon. And you just sit in that pool for the next 6 hours partying your dick off.

You have people throw you beers that you catch while jumping into the pool like you are a cast member of wild and crazy kids. You have chicken fights with women that do not speak English. Maybe you took something in the hotel room that makes you want water more than beer. I DON'T KNOW. I'm just spit balling here.

Maybe you talk to a bride to be. Maybe you kiss her. THE PHOTOS ARE INSANE.

And then at 6 o clock when the party is over? When the 100 degree sun is starting to lower in the sky?

Well, a couple choices. You can go back to that bachelorette party's room. You can go sober up in a hot tub. Maybe you get a #2 at McDonald's. Probably not enough cash at this point for In n Out, but we need to eat something. We're not trying to Beta Test that theory that drunk people aren't allowed on planes.

And then maybe you hop in an uber to the airport (uber isn't real money, we all know that) go through security and take a very miserable flight back to LA...

Or maybe you decide the 100 hundred dollar challenge is stupid and you'll worry about your problems on Sunday and you go find a five hour energy and one of those absurdly tall fruity drinks to get you ready for the night.

***

I don't know how this weekend plays out. But come Sunday I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and start making moves.

Eh...Monday. Monday I'll start making moves.