Today while I was nursing my birthday hangover at work, cruising various blogs and news outlets to pass the time I came across something interesting. My main man Tom Skilling, possibly the world's second wealthiest weatherman was predicting about 2 feet of snow in Chicago. Initially I was excited, because like the death of a celebrity, or some sort of athlete being charged with triple rape homicide it made my day interesting. Don't get me wrong I don't go out and buy party favors every time there is a miniature national tragedy but it does take away from the monotony of a Monday in corporate sales.
I quickly decided to take the rest of the day to research the blizzard or as all the uncreative iditos I follow on twitter were calling it..."Snowmageddon" (I was going to invent my own catch phrase but I thought drawing attention to the fact that snow rhymes with bro would have been too easy.) Turns out Chicago is basically fucked, 2 feet + of snow, 50 mps winds and some brand new phenomenon called "Thundersnow" which is basically the most metal form of weather to ever exist. Upon further examination, I found out that Indy was going to be covered with ice, lose power, clean water, plumbing...well some parts of Indy don't have those things on a normal day but ya. IUPUI has already called off classes which means some moron that couldnt get into IU or Purdue is probably going to die of a meth overdose tomorrow. Way to go out on top boss.
Then it hit me. Holy fuck, I bet those lucky bastards in Bloomington will have a snow day tomorrow. I had a Christian Bale business card freak-out and started sweating and I lost the ability to speak. That is the type of FOMO I started going through.
If you weren't present on January 28th, 2009, you missed quite possibly the best day of college. What started out as an email from IU "All classes before 10 A.M. are cancelled." Well who the fuck has classes before 10 A.M. a bunch of nerds that would spend there day off leveling up on World of Warcraft or catching up on some studies. Of course I went back to bed to sleep in until noon per usual since obviously if you're a senior frat guy your day begins at 2:30.
The next thing I know, music is blasting on the Shingles porch, there are several kegs in the snow, Jack is standing over my pitiful couch futon (those of you who were lucky enough to shack there know it was one of the most miserable futons in Bloomington, I apologize...I have a Queen now, come visit...yes, I like in a room with Jake...no it's not weird, it's like a dorm room...yes college is over, but, Fuck you, don't come visit)
Where was I? Oh yes, Jack is standing over me with a handle of vodka, snow day nucka!! I quickly took 5 shots, texted everyone in my phone book, threw on some clothes and went out to the porch where Paul was already hosting a game of "you got served" and Jake had already taken his shirt off. Within an hour or so the party had blown up to about the size of one of our post tailgate affairs, and I'm sure IU was horrified. On the first snow day in 40 years, the most visible house on campus was throwing a day time rager. Complete with snowball fights, people using said snowballs as chaser and a constant flow of people crossing between shingles and Sigma Chi...and it was like 1pm. Well 3 kegs, a blown speaker and 20 handles of flavored komchatka (remember that shit) later...an army of Bloomington's finest (not the IUPD those dudes were fags, fucking fratstars) stormed Kilroys and I don't remember much after that. It was an awesome day, people took pictures, cars crashed into trees looking at us, it was at that moment that I realized the campus was mine *gets off high horse* sorry about that I got carried away.
But now, the Freshman and Sophomores that were like 12 when this happened and saw it all get a chance to do it all over again, bigger and better. They also have powerful weapons such as four loko and you can find adderall now on any street corner...it really isn't fair. I have exhausted all rational options trying to find a way to get to Bloomingon tomorrow, and short of cramming 5 years of Hogwarts knowledge into my cranium in the next 2 hours and learning to apparate, it doesn't look like it's going to happen. But I challenge all of you in the magical quadrant of kirkwood, 10th, fess, walnut to burn the campus to the ground tomorrow, which may sound ironic since you will in the midst of an ice storm. Don't let this magical tradition die. (I never much cared for the 7th and Park crew, overrated house, overrated people suck it Beta...I'm kidding I liked those guys)
Tomorrow or Wednesday, whichever is worse I guess, you WILL get a snow day and it very well may be the best day of your college career. Make it as epic as I have made it sound, take pictures, tag me, rub it in my face. I will be following your antics on twitter, drinking a 24 ounce Joose and crying while I "work from home." And if you do lose power for the love of god, no one name any facebook albums "Blackout in the blackout."
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