Wednesday, April 12, 2017

NOchella


I'm not going to Coachella.

Let's just get that out there right away.

The line up blows, I don't have a ton of friends going and there are a million other things I could do this weekend.

Besides, this is Fast 8 weekend. I need to figure out the Fate of the Furious. I need to watch the first 7 films the next 3 nights and then go see what made Dom betray his family.

In fact this is a conversation I had with an actual Marketing Exec at Universal.

"WHAT MADE DOM BETRAY HIS FAMILY???"

- Lol, hey Moeller! I can't tell you!!!

"Fine, I want tickets to the premiere."

Nothing.

"Ok, I'll settle for a pre release employee screening."

"DOES BRYAN CAMEO?"

User has blocked you.

And let's say I don't feel the need to see Fast 8 and additional 12 times in theaters after I check it out once. What then? Does my weekend magically open up?

No!

There's Easter.

It's a holiday weekend. A holy holiday weekend. I should go celebrate the birth of Christ.

Can you imagine how much good will I could generate with my family if I pick my brother up Sunday morning and take him to church and then a brunch?

I'm quite certain my father would buy me a new car if I did this.

So that covers Friday and Sunday...leaving Saturday.

Saturday I may have to work. I could earn both a 6th day (1.5x) and a holiday day (2x) that would be like A LOT of money. I could pay my taxes with that money. I could fix my car with that money.

OR...

Let's just say for the sake of argument, my boss lets me off the hook. I go see Fast 8 and I'm so jacked up with adrenaline that I can't sleep and suddenly its 9 o clock in the morning on Saturday.

What if I just started driving east.

Past downtown...

Past the IE...

Past Morongo...

Past Palm Springs and Joshua tree...

and suddenly find myself in Indio.

Oh shit, there is a little music festival going on here? I don't have tickets. I don't have a place to stay, but hey, it's a beautiful day...perhaps I'll wander around for a bit.

I still know the general direction to the Heineken house, I know a couple people that rented houses. Maybe I just sent a few exploratory texts seeing if anyone wants to crack a couple beers BEFORE they head to the festival.

I mean worst case scenario I have a few drinks at a dope house, take a dip in the pool and then make the 45 minute drive back to J tree and do some back country camping. Hell I'll even show up to this pregame with a giant half gallon of Bulleit.

Of course people will leave in waves. Someone will just HAVE to get there at 4 for Chicano Batman, whatever the fuck that is. But there will be some people that stay, because honestly when you rent a rad house at Coachella you never want to get up and go into the festival.

People will trail out until it's just me and a few guys and I will realize that I am now far too drunk to drive back to Joshua Tree so I will likely be sleeping in my car in a La Quinta neighborhood.

But then it happens...

"Hey man, you wanna come with?"

Oh no thanks, I don't have a ticket.

"No I mean we have an extra, my girlfriend passed out, she played too many rounds of Flip Cup and she's down for the count. I could like slip her wristband off and give it to you. Just make sure to give it back."

So now I'm walking down the Molly trail of tears with some guys I just met and bonded with over a game of Louisville Chugger. This is awesome! It's 8:45 and I'm going to make it to Martin Garrix, followed by DJ Snake and Lady Gaga.

It's entirely possible that at this point my two new friends get pinched at security for trying to sneak in drugs but they beckon me to go enjoy the show anyway.

Now all alone and with a dead cell phone I wander aimlessly around the drones of inebriated yuppies desperately looking for someone I know.

The it happens.

Some girl who is clearly on hallucinogens starts grabbing my hair.

"Are you an angel?"

-No, just some lonely guy who lost his friends.

"We're your friends now."

She drags me to the Do-Lab. I don't see Martin Garrix, DJ Snake or Lady Gaga, but I do listen to deep house and have water guns shot at me for three hours. At some point angel girl puts something in my mouth. I don't ask because I would prefer not to know, but also I want to believe in angels.

The lights go on. The music cuts out. I stop floating and slowly return back to Earth.

I realize I have no idea how to get back to my car and I have no place to stay.

Angel girl is rubbing my head and seems to read my thoughts.

"We're sleeping in the hammock tonight."

I make the trek to the campground where the silent disco is just starting to fire up. People are dancing on cars and a 50 year old man tosses me a beer just because.

For the second night in a row I get no sleep because of a different type of adrenaline.

In the morning I find my bearings and am able to walk back to the house and find my car.

The girl that passed out the night before is in the yard already hiding Easter eggs.

"There you are! How was it?"

-It was great, thanks for the wristband!

I slip it off and return it to her.

"Are you staying for the Easter egg hunt?"

I have to head back unfortunately, but what a night.

I smile at her as I drive off. I return to the west side at 4:30 with just enough time to scoop my brother and make it to the 5 o clock mass at St. Monica.

I sing the songs and chant 'Christ is risen indeed.' I fantasize about my bed.

Somewhere there are kids playing rage cage, but I am merely sitting in church wearing flash tats while parishioners silently judge me.

Church ends, I drop my brother off, I drive home and sink into my bed. There is laundry that needs to be done, there are dirty dishes, I am in need of a shower, but I just close my eyes and smile as another Coachella weekend has come to a close.

That is what COULD happen this weekend...or maybe I'll just sleep in. I dunno.

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