Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Facebook stalking



I check Facebook a lot. It's not to stalk on past flings or update my status, or creepily "like" a lot of stories. It is just one of the automatic things my fingers do when I am zoned out at work. What I usually find are the dregs of society, spewing verbal vomit all over the place. "Oh what a harrowing trip to the grocery store, did you know that I didn't go to college after high school and now I work the lunch shift at Bob Evans? Furthermore I married my high school boyfriend and now we are homeowners, we cohabitate together on W 34th street in a single bedroom home that cost us $85,000 and on our thirty year mortgage that only cost us $190 a month!" Then all of their friends that think this is a huge accomplishment will bask them in comments and likes. Sometimes those are even better, it might read like, "Congrats on the house you two! Sally and I are in a couples bowling league on Thursdays you should totally join!" Sounds like just the party I want to attend. I bet they talk about reality television episodes, the state of the economy and how the tea party has changed conservatism in America...haha they don't know they're fucking left from their right, but they seriously probably do think Unsercover Boss has changed their lives.

But I can handle that. It's entertaining at times, and it's nice to know that people that I knew 10 years ago are still alive in some capacity. What I really can't stand are the pictures of the kids, even worse the pregnant stomachs. It physically makes me ill. I understand that you are proud to be a parent, but if you are my age and female, you should be self-conscious of your weight. I don't care if it is a 9 pound future person inside of you making you look like a whale. I reccomend loose clothing and discretion. And get the pictures of your kids the fuck off Facebook, the rest of us twentysomethings are trying to live a hedonistic lifestyle in peace. You don't see normal people taking pictures of used condums and shoving them down your throats! You think that's gross? I think the fact that you ended your youth at 23 and dress your kids in "adorable" costumes is gross. Get the fuck off Facebook and go breast feed. By becoming an adult you usurped the right to use a kids website. Remember The Social Network? Facebook was about looking at pictures of hot chicks, not a bunch of 22 yr old girls trying to see who can get grosser during pregnancy.

In closing, less of (see above rant) more pictures of Boo (see above puppy)

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