Oscar picks

Anyone who knows me, would tell you that I am a pretty big movie fan, and it's probably my only passion. In fact half the reason I blog at work is because I subconsciously want to be fired so I can move to Los Angeles and ride Jack Shannon's coat tails to the top, or at least to the mail room at which point I can strategically leave a greek life or the disallusionment-themed screenplay on some agent's desk and get signed. But in the mean time, I will write about movies and the only thing that keeps life in the midwest tolerable: drinking!

Best Picture: The Social Network
The Social Network was brilliantly written, wonderfully directed and capably acted. I think Jesse Eisenberg was strong as Zuckerberg but Garfield (also of Never Let me Go and the new Spiderman reboot) stole the show. Justin Timberlake played a pretty solid douche, but I never bought into the character completely, I kept thinking haha "Justin Timberlake just fucked a college girl, there he is doing some coke" pretty believable stuff for a pop star.
The King's Speech was good, but it's so British and smug, and I don't empathize at all with people that have problems speaking. It really isn't that hard, take a few shots of vodka if you are really that enrvous. Colin Firth is overrated because he doesn't mind playing gay or handicapped in some way. No extra points in my book for lovable loser. This movie swept the BAFTA's which is the British Oscars and has been trading blows with TSN in all the guild awards. This is our awards show, this is our country and while a nerdy Jewish kid becoming rich after stealing an idea from a couple WASPy athletes is about as close to the antithesis of what I stand for as you can get...fuck it, America ftw!

Actor:
Colin Firth because the Academy is a bunch of pussies, it should probably be Franco. If you haven't been paying attention Franco is currently starring in a daytime soap and teaching a college course on himself, he's fucking nuts.

Actress:
Natalie Portman. While the Academy does like the depressing shit such as Blue Valantine or Rabbit Hole, those performances could cancel eachother out. I'm fairly certain the Academy is still afraid of gays (Colin Firth in A Single Man, Brokeback Mountain Best Picture) that rules out Benning, and not enough people saw Winter's Bone with unknown Jennifer Lawrence coming on strong (it was extremely badass though.) That leaves Portman, who not only put on a magnificent performance, but went down to 98 pounds and learned ballet. Well deserved.

Supporting Actor:
Christian Bale. Probably the biggest lock of the night, some limey assholes will talk about Geoffrey Rush playing a peasant teaching a king to speak...blah blah blah the monarchy has been dead in England since the 1800's, a King is nothing more than a spoiled rich kid with a title. Bale played a crackhead, lost a ton of weight for the 3rd time in his career (machinist, rescue dawn,) and he's also a guy I would want to have a beer with.

Supporting Actress:
Helena Bonham Carter. Although I loved Amy Adams, for the second time in her career she is going to fall victim to splitting votes with a costar (Doubt with Viola Davis.) I haven't seen Aussie flick Animal Kingdom, and 16 year olds don't win Oscars...usually. On the plus side, Hailee Steinfeld isn't the dikey tomboy she portrays in True Grit, she is going to be HOT. Oh yah, ths winner will be Mrs. Tim Burton aka Bellatrix LaStrange.

Original Screenplay:
Somehow it doesn't seem fair that the most original movie of the year will compete with a historical drama does it? Fuck it, I'm going bold...Inception will win.

Adapted Screenplay:
Entourage made Aaron Sorkin look kinda sleezy, here's hoping he pulls a sheen after he collects his award for the Social Network.