Girl cute

Above image: Guy cute

A couple years ago I was on a ski trip in Aspen with some friends. After a long day at the slopes we went to a nice bar for dinner named Little Annie's. It's an outstanding place they do a beer and a shot for $3. On a sidenote, I want to know the origin of beer and a shot, it seems like something a blue collar construction worker may order after his shift, or maybe that's just because I watched season 2 of the wire. Regardless, in terms of this practice I am very pro. The reason being, is you drink your 3 dollar beers all night, I'm thinking you may go through 7 or 8 during a leisurely dinner now double that because of the shots BOOM wasted.

I assure you this story is going somewhere and I didn't just write that paragraph to let everyone know that I ski Aspen (I'm so elitist.) In walks a gorgeous blonde with a couple ski buddies and they plop down directly next to us, actually directly next to me. In my drunken stupor I stare at the young woman for quite some time, because I know I've seen her somewhere before. Flowing blonde hair, a lovely rack, perfectly toned skin and this Cindy Crawfordesque beauty mark on her fa...holy fuck that is Serena Van Der Woodsen. I am sitting next to the embodiment of perfection, usually I'm far too awkward to say something but after a day of skiing and close to 20 drinks at the bar I am feeling confident. Unfortunately I have passed liquid courage drunk and entered, idiot frat boy drunk. What the fuck is her real name? It's weird, but kinda cool. It's a boys name. Oh fuck it. "Hey, are you Serena?"

"Um, that's not actually my name"
"Oh, because you looke like that chick from Gossip Girl"
"Ha, ya but my name isn't Serena."

God I just fucked that up. I buried my head in cowardice while the rest of the table mocked my failure. I spent the rest of the time she was there staring at my phone trying to determine if her mole was in the right place or not, hard to do on Blackberry screen when you are seeing triple. Maybe it's just a look alike, nope it's definitely her. After an hour or so her party got up to leave, I was so full of regret, anger, shame...and then it hit me Blake Lively. BLAKE FUCKING LIVELY!

"Bye Blake, have a nice night"
"You too, bye"

Redemption.

Why do I bring up a semi entertaining Blake Lively story? It's somewhat relevant. I think Blake Lively is the most sexy/beautiful/perfect actress working today...with Scarlett Johansson a close second and maybe Keira Knightley shows (horse racing term for 3rd.) Her character on Gossip Girl is everything a guy could ever possibly find attractive. Her Co-star, Leighton Meester who portrays Blair Waldorf, is attractive but in the grand scheme of things doesn't hold a candle to Blake. This is the opinion on every male on Earth.

However, most girls prefer Blair. Do you know why? Because that character is "girl cute." She has fantastic outfits, wonderful accessories and thousand dollar heels. Oh, I'm sorry I didn't notice your new Prada bag...I was stearing at Serena's enormous tits. Guys don't give a fuck about women's fashion, nor should they. Women that show off lots of cleavage, some upper thigh and have long hair worn down...that's where its at. Yet every girl wants to have that French Bun and that french designed dress and crazy shoes that fashion magazines call fabulous. They often end up looking like an ill fated piece of abstract art.

Ok but that's just a stupid show on the CW, right? No, this shit has broken into our culture. Do you ever see a girl's outfit and think she looks like a fucking idiot? Yet her friends fawn over how amazing it is. The scary truth is, she wore it for them. Girls dress to impress other girls. Believe it or not, most girls don't go out with the intention to give you awkward boners on the dance floor when you see a single bead of sweat roll down her mostly exposed breast. They don't go out (well I think most don't) trying to get passionately slammed in the bathroom of a nightclub. Nope, they want to be the envy of the other girls based on their outfits. They want to light a fury of rage within their friends who will go home and say she looked fat or that she is a dumb cunt for trying to match those heels with that ensemble, they're jealous...it's insanity.

Gents, try as we may there is no stopping this. Girls are no longer trying to impress us. We can tell them what turns us on, they don't care. Some get it...some like the fictional Serena van der Woodsen. But she is fake, and even the fake version of her is out of my league and the real version is dating Leo. I would gladly settle for a nice dress with moderate cleavage and plenty of upper thigh, but no girl would be impressed by that outfit, so this is a fashion that will soon be dying out. All the attractive women in the world are going to be donned in something that Andrew McQueen scribbled down in his suicide note. I fear for the future where all women are sexless robots obsessed with bizarre fashion choices and criticizing eachother's selections...this is a much more real possibility than whatever the fuck was going on in the movie Children of Men. So to wrap up this post nicely with a bow I leave you with: Tits or GTFO!