Friday, May 20, 2011

Sleeping from home

Because that's what you do right? You wake up when you would regularly get into the office, log into your Citrix and then fall back asleep. Hopefully you have the volume turned up loud enough so that when your boss instant messages you it will wake you up. In fact, if I had work from home priviledges, I would have by now developed some sort of machine to keep me from going idle. I suppose for now the fake meetings will have to suffice. Sustainability initiative preliminary call with Australia, 2 hours: aka this is me walking to Whole Foods to get a fat steak and setting up the Ipod speakers outside while I pop the shirt, bag some rays and read a script.

However, I don't get to do that. So fuck all of you who do...I hope there is a selective rapture tomorrow and you lucky shits are all eradicated from the Earth. While the other unfortunate Marketing majors of 2009 drove out to random suburbs to do some obscure sales job, you slept until noon and started drinking. I envy you. I hate you. But instead of sitting here in anger all day I am going to have a work from home day from the office. Boss is out until June, and he can't fire me via webcam a la Up in the Air, because as George Clooney demonstrated I could just get up and walk away and he couldn't follow me.

Speaking of this rapture thing, I think that I should get an excused absence for religious observance today. What if I was a fundementalist Christian and I truly believed the world was going to end? Isn't that a bigger deal than some oil lasting 8 days? I don't even know if they get a day off for that, and I don't mean to go all Lars von Trier right now (it's a current event, he praised Nazism at Cannes and got banned for life) but the woman next to me leverages her religion once a week and no one in HR gives her shit because we are a 6000 person company and they are all pussies. So if the world is ending tomorrow I want at least a half day to prepare...thoughts?

So it's about 10:42 right now as I type this, all the people working from home have probably made a nice brunch, possibly gone to the gym, sauna'd showered, I'm sure about 20% of them have treated themselved to a nice beat sesh and the most thrilling thing I have done today is water my cactus. The tweets will start pouring in at 3pm: it's beautiful out, who is ready for happy hour? Zella's patio, #happyhour, oh don't worry I'll be on the Edens listening to Rebecca Black until 8pm.

The worst thing about the work from home crowd is the peer pressure provided under false pretenses. "Hey man let's stay out until 2, I have work tomorrow too." Ya if work consists of sleeping all day, responding to 2 emails, doing your laundry, and going for a 1pm jog.

Whatever, I'll just read twitter, gchat, contribute to email chains, and blog during peak times to up my hit count until 5. Thank god it's the weekend.

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