Life update: Still living on a couch, although I did their dishes today to endear myself and my friend's little brother has 3 queen mattresses pushed together in a Westwood apartment and assures me that the I will always be welcome to crash in the Superbed. (While 99% of people may think crashing on said superbed with 3 other frat guys would be weird, I find it strangely awesome)
Since I am too cheap to pay Westside rentals $60 to find a place for me I have been doing most of the legwork myself, clearly it's not going too well. The only places in my price range seem to be weirdos seeking roommates in Burbank and lonely cat women that want to treat me like the son they never had. Another major issue I am having is the descriptions of these units.
Super quiet neighborhood, not a party house, expect a clean respectful roommate, no drugs, no excess drinking, no drama. Cats ok, meow.
Are you fucking kidding me? Why do you think people move to LA, to enjoy a quiet read on the balcony during a sunny day? If I wanted a super quiet alcohol free existence I would have moved to Provo, Utah and gotten a job delivering milk door to door. This is LA, if you aren't raging hard and hosting at least one after party a month you're doing it wrong. Drugs are basically legal here, the coffee shops serve beer, aspiring industry people are required by law to go out 5 nights a week to "network." In fact, I think the only thing worse than living alone would be living with a pretentious roommate who judged me for cracking that second bottle of wine on a Monday night. Where is this Craigslist ad...
3 ex-USC frat guys seeking 4th roommate to live in broom closet, not because we want to pay less rent, but we need one more dude to play in our weekly golf foursome. Utilities included except for our $300 cable bill, must like to stay up extremely late listening to 80's music drinking 40's and buy at least one keg a month for our Sunday pool parties.
Do those people exist? They probably do, they just don't need to stoop to the depths of Craigslist to recruit. They can probably have a strict interview process and put potential roommates up to all sorts of exciting challenges like how fast your tennis serve is or how good your goalie shot is in foosball.
It's shocking how many people in LA just suck, I might have come to the conclusion that the people that are celebrities just for being naturally awesome, are probably just the cool kids from LA, like they were just being generally awesome and some kid's dad owned a production company and said "let's make you famous."
That said I press on and on searching for even a place to live for 90 days before I find something more permanent with actual friends. Some guy in Beverly Hills tried to scam me today and asked me to "wire him money and then he'll make sure that a courier brings me the house key." Are you kidding me pal, I wouldn't wire anyone money even if my daughter was being held hostage. You're a college professor teaching in the Philippines? There were enough misplaced modifiers in your craigslist ad that you clearly didn't graduate middle school.
Alas, at this point it looks like I'll be living with some Latin Kings in Long Beach or I may just have to murder one of my friends so I can take their room in their current housing situation. I really don't want to do that so I may just have to move to Newport and move in with a rich Jewish family looking to help out a blonde kid from the other side of the tracks.
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