Does anyone watch Gossip Girl anymore? I understand it isn't as good as season 1...but neither was O.C. season 3, yet it's still adequate, and everyone will miss it some day when it's gone. That's neither nor there, but I have been keeping up because I don't have a TV and it's one of the few shows I can stream on my laptop. (Believe me, last night when I hopped in bed with my laptop I was fully ready to watch some exploding zombies in the Walking Dead but AMC is getting all cunty and trying to get me to buy episodes on iTunes...the nerve.)
Anyway, a main character on the show, wrote this book and it burned all of his friends, really made them out to the terrible people that they are, selfish, conniving, irresponsible, apathetic. Slutty, beautiful, spoiled brats. Now I realize, that the fact that everyone on that show is a page 6 trust fund baby, it's kind of like the Kardashians and friends just set in New York. But it got me thinking, what if I just turned this into a no holds barred tell all about everyone's inadequacies and flaws, and really threw around the juicy gossip. Would people care what a bunch of upper middle class white kids from the midwest are up to? Who's fucking who under wraps and who is developing what drug problem, who is moonlighting as a Craigs List scam artist? Probably not...I'll stick with the social satire. It's more fun and I get to keep friends.
Now that I have that asinine diatribe out of the way, it's fucking HALLOWEEEEEEEEK. This means Michael Meyers movies all day every day! This means if you are a male or a girl that works out twice a day you can start gorging yourself with candy starting now...I'm just kidding, everyone can start doing that, as long as they are ok with the consequences of said actions. Halloween parties will probably start Wednesday, people are probably already freaking out about their lack of witty Halloween costume ideas. There are probably a stack of Friday and Saturday party invites for Facebook events that you can't decide between, just use some social strategy and maximize your potential, but just know that you can never hit more than two in a night, and you are going to hurt feelings, but fuck it, we're twentysomething not 12 and if you don't get invited to that scorned acquaintance's birthday party I think we'll all get through it together.
I am going as a Mormon from Book of Mormon. There you saw it here first. FUCKING DIBS. ELDER PRICE, THIS GUY ME. Haha, now if you are caught wearing a mormon costume, even if it was an original idea people will assume you jacked the idea from me and you will also be identified as one of my faithful followers...I'm not sure what kind of social stigma that carries but, ya.
Here comes my dilemma. Any other normal Halloween, I would dress up 3 nights, get hammered all three and marvel at the cleavage of the fairer sex. Sure the past few years I have woken up next to a Britney Spears, The Bride from Kill Bill and maybe a cop (Note: this was probably because I always hosted the Halloween parties and they would get out of hand and people would just stay over, I am no self-appointed Halloween stud or anything...speaking of that, is my old house having a Halloween party this year? That was our staple) anyway Halloween is fucking great. I like the decorations, the fog, the costumes (especially the tacky ones,) the scary shit all of it...but then comes the curveball, Homecoming.
UGHHGHHHHHHHHHHHHH...WHY WHY did these two fantastic events have to be concurrent. This should have been an excuse for two killer weekends, but now they are all crammed into one. Truth be told, I probably won't make it back for Homecoming this year, which makes me very sad. I missed homecoming last year to go to the Bahamas, and even though I had a fucking blast there and didn't get arrested at the border I still felt a little unfulfilled, and by the time Little 5 comes around in the Spring I'll be twenty fucking five, and know not a soul there. See that's the thing, everyone is convinced that by your mid 20's it's time to grow up and stop doing crazy shit like bongs of Vodka or beer showers in the courtyard. Apparently I didn't get the memo, but that's whatever, I'm not going to be able to change that. And I think it makes it even doubly pathetic to fly cross country for the event to go party in a college where I now officially know nobody. I guess my brother still goes there but he's barely enrolled, not even the pledges I would sparingly haze as a Senior are still around, and who knows who lives in Shingles, Shambles, Stout, Superfrat...probably a bunch of geeds.
But that's not the case at Homecoming. Homecoming is for fucking me, you, all of us. Come home alumni, and pretend if just for a day, that you are back. Then make a big donation and go home. Ok, I'm all in minus that last part. But it probably won't even happen for me. I've got a lot of shit to do at work this week, and I don't know if anyone is going back, and I just got here, and surely there should be some fun Halloween party to go to in LA. Or fuck it I could drive to Vegas, I'm sure shit there is popping off.
What about your last minute travel arrangements you say? Hotels are booked, flights are probably expensive. Fuck that, I have my parents' credit card information and I'm feeling spontaneous. And honestly what's the worst case scenario, I end up hanging out with my old roommates' younger brother and crashing in the formal. I'm sure all the recent 2011 grads will be there, they rock.
Really, if I can be brutally honest with you, the only thing holding me back right now is my absolutely fantastic Halloween costume idea. I have a feeling if I spend the week at Homecoming I would be too obsessed with the idea of raging and/or chasing around a sorority girl in a Katy Perry costume that I will end up never getting the glory my costume deserves. Ridiculous, I know. But also shouldn't a trip back to the midwest be more substantial than going to Bloomington. I mean really it should be pretty low on the list. I haven't been to New York in 9 months, I could go visit my friends in Chicago, I could see my cat in Indianapolis. I could go somewhere new and fun like Austin. Really Bloomington should be pretty fucking low on the list. I'm old, I'm that guy, it's beginning to get a bit pathetic, I can always go to the Oaken Bucket game over Thanksgiving. That should make up for it...well it will be better than last year when I fell off the stage at Bear's and spent the entire tailgate in the trunk of my mom's trailblazer.
Ya, that's right Bloomington, you're boxed out for the time being, there are more important things to do, maybe spend that money on a bed for my room here, and stop sleeping on a mat. Maybe I could just spend that $300 on ballin in LA this weekend, and just do Halloween right. Or maybe after Softball on Thursday night, I order one too many Hennepins at Third Stop, get back to the Versailles chuck a few shopping carts off the roof, crack a few loko and then start surfing the most dangerous app ever created, kayak mobile. I book a flight to Chicago, I rage all night Friday, I convince someone at Beaumont's at 4am to take me to Bloomington in 3 hours. I sleep the whole way and have one more epic bender of a homecoming. Make it back to Indy Sunday afternoon, see all the people I need to see, eat one of my dad's steaks and take the 6am non-stop flight back to LA Monday morning arriving at 830am local time. Go to work on no rest, and then don my book of Mormon costume Monday, October 31st and wish this city a Happy fucking Halloween.
November 1st will be a rough day.
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