Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Brain Damage

I once heard that every day after you turn 25 you start losing hundreds perhaps thousands of brain cells and that you never regain any. You are born with a finite amount and the rest of your miserable existence is just a slow countdown to 0. Well apparently the countdown has begun and after limping out of college and Chicago at the conclusion of a seven year bender I'm sure I didn't do myself any favors in delaying this process. I also think I'm developing adult onset...I can't even fucking think of the word, where you see letters and words backwards? Perhaps it is due to inner-ear trauma after standing too close to the speakers during one too many edm shows. I am damaged goods, I'm like Benjamin Button except I'm not getting dumber because I'm getting younger and my brain is developing in reverse, I'm just going through the firing squad of the weekend warrior gauntlet far too often. I wonder how many blackouts constitute a concussion, can you get CTE without playing professional sports? Perhaps it is all those little hits over time that are leading to my brain degeneration. One faceplant a week over a 10 year career of extreme raging is like being an NFL running back for 5 years. That must be it. I probably can't even freestyle anymore. :(

But future consequences be damned, I'm enjoying life now. I may be a vegetable at 50, but I didn't hold out a ton of hope for looking like Clooney either. We should have the majority of our fun in our twenties and thirties, especially if these rumors about "being fulfilled by other things late in life such as parenting" turn out to be true.

I apologize about that little intro rant, I should probably just refill my Adderall prescription. Does anyone know if that works? Can you just use it sparingly/recreationally in college, let it run out and then realize 3 years into the real world that it is a miracle drug and would greatly improve your quality of life and just get it back? Let's hope so. In any event, that painstakingly long intro wasn't completely unrelated to what I wanted to discuss, I wanted to talk a bit about the Super Bowl.

Isn't it sweetly ironic that any time Indianapolis has something badass that brings in people from all over the world I'm not there? All the Final 4s were always during spring break and now that we have a Super Bowl I am 2000 miles away in California and all I keep hearing is how fucking sweet it is. It seems like every day a new party is announced or one of you tweets about some cool event they got invited to. LIKE ZOMG SOCIAL 46 I GET TO MEET KATY PERRY...and now that I just paid for my Breck lodging and flight I have to live like a hermit until that trip. Just wait for my bitter tweets while I'm holed up in my room in Encino reading.

Lisbeth Salander just blew a Swedish rapists brain out #holyshit

Steve Jobs just got fired from Apple, created Pixar #bossmoves

And while many of you are trying to use your illegitimate blog to get yourself a press pass or cropping Facebook photos to find a suitable headshot to get you into the Bud Light Hotel after party, do know this: I'm extremely proud of Indy. Honestly after Dallas shit the bed so hard last year we probably could have just not allow a terrorist attack and been considered successful, but everything I am hearing is that this is shaping up to be one of the best Super Bowls ever. The Los Angeles media can't stop professing their love affair with Indy, even being so bold as to say that the NFL should copy the NCAA and Big Ten model guaranteeing Indianapolis a Super Bowl once in every so many years.

Sure it doesn't have bourbon street or South Beach, but what we do have is a stadium in the middle of downtown, and that has to count for something. You could literally drink 12 long islands at Kilroy's go to a Pacers game, take down 4 more pitchers at Scotty's, ride the zipline, see a band in Super Bowl village and go to Lucas Oil without walking even an entire mile, and even if you were blowing a .6 BAC, most of the nice people in Indy would offer you a hand in crossing the street, hell a mounted officer might just toss you on the back of his horse and escort you to your destination.

I'm sure it helps that it has been a fairly mild winter in the midwest, but I also heard Indy has been given the full Minneapolis treatment and there is really no need to go outside anymore. Everyone likes a skywalk, and although it is a beautiful 70 degrees here I wish I could be in Indy this weekend. I never thought I would ever say that the first week in February. 

In any event, keep doing what you're doing Naptown. I must say you're making me very proud of my hometown. I've been defending you for years from people all over the country, especially people from Chicago...even some people not from the relevant neighborhoods of Chicago attempt to defame you, but this time we're shoving it down their throat. I honestly think that trying a little harder is something that sets Hoosiers apart from say the entitled from the coasts...and while it is a shame that both New England and New York can't lose, it brings a smile to my face knowing that there will no matter what be millions of sad folks out east.

No comments:

Post a Comment