Tuesday, January 10, 2012

So pinteresting

Like most of you, I have always been an early adopter of things that I think will be cool: Apple products, Social media, Bi-Curious encounters (2 truths and a lie) I was blogging about fratting in Italy way before any of my contemporaries knew what a Wordpress was. I've been looking at kitten tumblrs since 09 and I have a user name on Fark. I am fucking hip when it comes to the net. There are other things it took me a little longer to learn how to do: talk to girls, manage my finances, eat veggies, but those aren't the things that are going to move us forward into the future.

Needless to say when I found out there was a website where people posted pictures of babies, puppies, wild flowers and everything considered cute I had to be a part of it. I have since lost interest, but I still get an email every time someone joins. They may not know it but every time you register for Pinterest it automatically shares all of your boards with your Facebook friends and I get an email. I know who is pinning and who is viewing...this is the new chic time waster at work, it's like StumbleUpon 2.0. None of this is necessarily relevant, but I have moved every male friend of mine that has joined pinterest into the "potentially gay" column.

Moving on...I wanted to celebrate the grand opening of the Hollywood Buffalo Wild Wings (b dubs...one of my favorite places on Earth) by ranking the sauces. You really can't go wrong with any of them. It is the best wing chain in the nation hands down, and if you don't live within 45 minutes of one I truly sympathize with you. Between their savory wings, fat potato wedges and $3 23 ounce drafts it is one of my favorite places on Earth. Without further ado, the rankings.

In order of lamest to most fucking awesome.

16. Honey BBQ
15. Sweet BBQ
14. Jammin Jalapeno
13. Thai Curry

These 2 "new sauces" should have never been introduced. The Jammin jalapeno is like a shitty attempt at the spicy from Buff Joe's in Evanston and Thai Curry tastes like someone just vomited Indian food onto some chicken wings. Sweet and Honey BBQ are just weak in every sense of the word. If you order Sweet BBQ boneless wings and then try to order a beer, the bartender should serve you milk.

12. Parmesan Garlic
11. Spicy Garlic
10. Blazin'
9. Mild

There is nothing necessarily wrong with this next group with the exception of they are really kind of worthless. Blazin isn't an enjoyable wing eating experience, people that order it do it simply for shock value. Mild is for pussies, get medium if you want buffalo that isn't hot...and the two garlic sauces are just retarded no one orders this...the wings actually look stupid, I really think they are only on the menu because some idiot at corporate thought maybe the people wanted a white chicken wing.

8. Medium
7. Hot BBQ
6. Wild
5. Teriyaki

Medium isn't hot enough. Wild is just a tad too hot. Hot BBQ is the best way to do BBQ style, and Teriyaki is the best non hot menu item and my first love.

4. Caribbean Jerk
3. Asian Zing
2. Hot
1. Mango Habanero

This last foursome was very hard to rank, and quite honestly I wouldn't fault you for any of the 4. The classic hot buffalo is so close to being the best, but where b dubbs excels in their bizarre sauce selection. Most wing places will offer a mild, hot, bbq and teriyaki. B dubbs dares to throw wild combinations together and mango habanero is it's masterpiece. From it's extreme spicy flavor to its sweet fruit inspired tangy aftertaste, this sauce will never disappoint. Make sure to grab a couple sides of ranch or you will develop an element of the dreaded face sweat which will invariably always make you look like a massive twat.

Now come to L.A. we'll eat lunch at Bdubbs at Hollywood and Highland, cruise over for drinks at the Roosevelt's Tropicana pool then pop bottles with Ashley Greene at Spare Room and I promise I will never blog about food again, but if I find a gratifying picture of Bdubbs wings on the internet I'm pinning the shit out of that to my board.

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