Well that is just the pathetic tip of the iceberg. You aren't thinking outside the box. Take for instance your laptop. "What you are expecting me to check work e-mail and stuff while I'm supposed to be plowing snow bunnies?" No you idiot, of course not. But if you don't bring your laptop you may have a hard time tracking down people you know in Denver who might have a dealer locally stationed on the mountain. Last time I checked the TSA weren't honoring medical cards.
See, that is the type of insight that you gain when you travel with me. Now sit back, relax and crack a cold one while I give you my insights into the ski trip vacation.
1.) Arrive first or, as soon as you possibly can. One thing that has remained static since the beginning of time is that when you are on vacation with a group of friends, the first one there has dibs. Sure this may not be the case in your apartment whereas you may allocate certain amounts of rent at a more desirable room. But on a vacation that shit goes out the window. Such is true for a lake house, Spring Break, a Gatlinburg cabin, but especially a snow shack. And I don't know if you were planning on some sort of grand fashionably late entrance where you dramatically bust out a fifth of whiskey and immediately exchange powerful high fives with everyone in attendance, but at the end of your jovial moment the harsh truth will set in that "Real World" rules are in effect, and now you have to share a bunk bed with the smelly kid who only brought one pair of ski socks. No bunny likes to get slammed on the bottom bunk, it's science.
2.) Swim suit. It pains me that I even have to point this out. No one should EVER leave home without one. You should be constantly ready to pop the trunks on at a moment's notice in every day life. And don't even give me this bullshit, "it's cold why would I bring a swim suit" if you go there then clearly you have never been skiing out west. Constant action in the resort's hot tub. You want to meet hot chicks? Hot tub. You want to get hammered and relax the muscles after a long day on the slopes? Hot tub. Then when you get too hot, you jump in the pool, get out, do a snow angel, and hop back in the hot tub. Nudity will almost assuredly ensue.
3. Board games. Board games have long been a staple of the ski trip. You want to see a girl's snowpants get moist? Go on a tear in Catch Phrase, or use some smooth innuendo in Apples to Apples and you are set. The likelihood is that you will be with a majority of guys with a few girls sprinkled in, sure you can turn your cottage into a frat's basement and set up beer pong, flip cup, civil war all that shit, but it can become intimidating. Lots of these snow vixen were probably gdi's at Boulder and passing them a joint and playing board games will be a much less intimidating start to the evening.
4. Lots of Hot Damn! Cinnamon Schnapps. Once you get over the fact that you totally landed an Indy grab and piped a 180 at the park the day can get a little monotonous. Sure you can hit some challenging long runs, or try to prove to yourself that you are definitely good enough to make it down a double black without dying, but the real action begins after lunch. That's when you uncork this little bottle of heaven and you no longer worry about the outside temperature or the risk of bodily injury you may incur trying a back roll off a 25 foot kicker on your first day on the board of the season. It is actually rumored that Sonny Bono was hopped up on Schnapps when he treed it a few years back, but then again he went out doing something that he loved and never had to see his daughter go through transgender surgery...win?
5. Appropriate going out gear. Let's face it, ski towns are more often than not a lot like Venice beach. No one is impressed by your horse, gator, whatever the fuck that Burberry gazelle is. You need to play to your audience. More often than not you can get away with a funky sweater and some ski pants and fit right in...I'm convinced the reason that I crashed and burned in my attempt to pick up Blake Lively at Little Annie's two years ago is because I was dressed like a J Crew model...total poser. Aside from that, I think that pitchers of beer are the way to go. Ski towns are about camaraderie, telling stories from the past. Getting to know the group of girls that sat down at your table. Re-living the days best yardsale on the slopes. Sure, later in the night there will be plenty of time for shots, grinding and convincing the girls that they aren't coming back for the sheer sport of intercourse, it's an afterparty and "we only live like 3 minutes away" but in my experience, it's best to slow play this one.
Some other quick hits of things to remember:
-Fuck a phone on the slopes, you will fall, it will break...I even broke a Blackberry at Snowmass, and it literally takes effort to do that.
-Eat a massive breakfast, you can get a nice steak dinner at Ruth's Chris for what a grilled cheese and coke will cost you on the slopes.
-If you MUST bring a camera to record "the wacky shit you do on the mountain" and take photos for Facebook make sure it has a hard case, preferably made of Kevlar
At the end of the day it's not just about the skiing, it's about the adventure. Don't say no, not once. Stock up on enough booze the first day to kill a small village, don't sleep in...fuck don't sleep at all. If possible complete your shack, hop in the shower and start getting ready for the next day. Or go outside to the hot tub and look at the stars or some shit like that. This is what bonding is all about, you will never forget these outlandish memories. If you see a group of Australians, hang out with them. They are probably cooler and more fun to be around that your current group.
Lastly, to jump start your trip make sure you bring a ton of the mini bottles on the plane with you (they are less than 3 oz therefore able to go through security.) It will ensure two things. 1.) You will get your trip off to a great start. 2.) You won't be responsible for renting the car or driving to the mountain. Double bonus. Have fun, get drunk, try not to Sarah Burke it on the half, and when it comes to fighting over the 4 attractive girls that you meet at 2 AM in the hot tub, may the best man win.
See, that is the type of insight that you gain when you travel with me. Now sit back, relax and crack a cold one while I give you my insights into the ski trip vacation.
1.) Arrive first or, as soon as you possibly can. One thing that has remained static since the beginning of time is that when you are on vacation with a group of friends, the first one there has dibs. Sure this may not be the case in your apartment whereas you may allocate certain amounts of rent at a more desirable room. But on a vacation that shit goes out the window. Such is true for a lake house, Spring Break, a Gatlinburg cabin, but especially a snow shack. And I don't know if you were planning on some sort of grand fashionably late entrance where you dramatically bust out a fifth of whiskey and immediately exchange powerful high fives with everyone in attendance, but at the end of your jovial moment the harsh truth will set in that "Real World" rules are in effect, and now you have to share a bunk bed with the smelly kid who only brought one pair of ski socks. No bunny likes to get slammed on the bottom bunk, it's science.
2.) Swim suit. It pains me that I even have to point this out. No one should EVER leave home without one. You should be constantly ready to pop the trunks on at a moment's notice in every day life. And don't even give me this bullshit, "it's cold why would I bring a swim suit" if you go there then clearly you have never been skiing out west. Constant action in the resort's hot tub. You want to meet hot chicks? Hot tub. You want to get hammered and relax the muscles after a long day on the slopes? Hot tub. Then when you get too hot, you jump in the pool, get out, do a snow angel, and hop back in the hot tub. Nudity will almost assuredly ensue.
3. Board games. Board games have long been a staple of the ski trip. You want to see a girl's snowpants get moist? Go on a tear in Catch Phrase, or use some smooth innuendo in Apples to Apples and you are set. The likelihood is that you will be with a majority of guys with a few girls sprinkled in, sure you can turn your cottage into a frat's basement and set up beer pong, flip cup, civil war all that shit, but it can become intimidating. Lots of these snow vixen were probably gdi's at Boulder and passing them a joint and playing board games will be a much less intimidating start to the evening.
4. Lots of Hot Damn! Cinnamon Schnapps. Once you get over the fact that you totally landed an Indy grab and piped a 180 at the park the day can get a little monotonous. Sure you can hit some challenging long runs, or try to prove to yourself that you are definitely good enough to make it down a double black without dying, but the real action begins after lunch. That's when you uncork this little bottle of heaven and you no longer worry about the outside temperature or the risk of bodily injury you may incur trying a back roll off a 25 foot kicker on your first day on the board of the season. It is actually rumored that Sonny Bono was hopped up on Schnapps when he treed it a few years back, but then again he went out doing something that he loved and never had to see his daughter go through transgender surgery...win?
5. Appropriate going out gear. Let's face it, ski towns are more often than not a lot like Venice beach. No one is impressed by your horse, gator, whatever the fuck that Burberry gazelle is. You need to play to your audience. More often than not you can get away with a funky sweater and some ski pants and fit right in...I'm convinced the reason that I crashed and burned in my attempt to pick up Blake Lively at Little Annie's two years ago is because I was dressed like a J Crew model...total poser. Aside from that, I think that pitchers of beer are the way to go. Ski towns are about camaraderie, telling stories from the past. Getting to know the group of girls that sat down at your table. Re-living the days best yardsale on the slopes. Sure, later in the night there will be plenty of time for shots, grinding and convincing the girls that they aren't coming back for the sheer sport of intercourse, it's an afterparty and "we only live like 3 minutes away" but in my experience, it's best to slow play this one.
Some other quick hits of things to remember:
-Fuck a phone on the slopes, you will fall, it will break...I even broke a Blackberry at Snowmass, and it literally takes effort to do that.
-Eat a massive breakfast, you can get a nice steak dinner at Ruth's Chris for what a grilled cheese and coke will cost you on the slopes.
-If you MUST bring a camera to record "the wacky shit you do on the mountain" and take photos for Facebook make sure it has a hard case, preferably made of Kevlar
At the end of the day it's not just about the skiing, it's about the adventure. Don't say no, not once. Stock up on enough booze the first day to kill a small village, don't sleep in...fuck don't sleep at all. If possible complete your shack, hop in the shower and start getting ready for the next day. Or go outside to the hot tub and look at the stars or some shit like that. This is what bonding is all about, you will never forget these outlandish memories. If you see a group of Australians, hang out with them. They are probably cooler and more fun to be around that your current group.
Lastly, to jump start your trip make sure you bring a ton of the mini bottles on the plane with you (they are less than 3 oz therefore able to go through security.) It will ensure two things. 1.) You will get your trip off to a great start. 2.) You won't be responsible for renting the car or driving to the mountain. Double bonus. Have fun, get drunk, try not to Sarah Burke it on the half, and when it comes to fighting over the 4 attractive girls that you meet at 2 AM in the hot tub, may the best man win.
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