At my wrap party this past Monday I did something I haven't done more than 3 times since I moved to LA; I wore a suit. Fellow crew members were shocked as this was a strong departure from my usual outfits of flip flops and board shorts. I'm usually respectful enough to leave the bro tanks at home, but outside of a few laundry days, I probably didn't even wear a collar all season.
"Where are you from man?" Asks our camera operator.
"I live over in Venice."
"Haha, of course, you have to be the most LA person I have ever met. Only makes sense you grew up in Dogtown."
"Oh, I mean I grew up in Indiana and technically Dogtown is in Santa Monica."
"Wow, could have fooled me."
***
In 2010 I was essentially fired from a major corporation in Chicago for this very blog. I've talked about it before, but I was given the Stephen Glass treatment where I sat in front of a board of HR personnel while they read to me my very words:
"Some days my only motivation to come to work is the hope that (redacted) is wearing a tight fitting shirt so I can go to the secret bathroom on the 4th floor and jerk off."
It was rough.
I was given a small buy out to avoid litigation and instead of saving that money and looking for a new job I spent the entire summer partying. At the end of the summer, I was pennyless but had accepted a position for a small start-up with the promise of getting me to Los Angeles. So on a warm night in August, I left in the middle of a Deadmau5 Lollapalooza concert to drive back to my parents' house in Indianapols. I got in at 5 o clock in the morning, I had to be at work by 8.
Over the next month both of my Chicago roommates found out that HSBC was shutting down North American operations and they would be shipped out of the country. There was a high profile break up in my social circle resulting in the inevitable schism of relationships that comes in a bitter divorce. I was partying heavily, involved in a torrid affair and then in early September I set fire to my entire existence in the midwest, hoping to rise like a phoenix from the ashes when I landed on the west coast.
The first few months were rough. After sleeping on every couch imaginable, I moved in with a married lesbian couple in the valley. The start-up I worked for ceased operations and suddenly I was unemployed and the house I was living in was put on the market so that my landlords could move home to Russia.
I was beginning to think that this whole LA experiment was a mistake. I had taken a full measure without thinking of the consequences of my actions. Broke, alone and 2000 miles from home is a tough adjustment to make, and here I thought pressing the reset button on life would be easy.
Eventually, I found a job working on the movie Paranormal Activity 4, my first real job in entertainment. I found a place in Venice with a couple buddies who were also in the process of getting evicted from their Hollywood apartment. With things looking better and having money for the first time in a year we took a ski trip to Breckenridge. Upon return we find out that our shady landlord to be had ripped up our lease when someone outbid us. Also the next movie I was planning to work on had fallen through, put into turn around by the studio. With just 24 hours before I had to move out of Encino, I was utterly fucked.
But then I wasn't. We were able to find another apartment (where I live now) and move in that day. A new job came up and I just kinda lived happily ever after. I survived my quarter life crisis, even if just barely. I now have a life I love in Venice, with people I care about greatly. I wouldn't say I'm "crushing it" in life. I'm still barely an assistant/coordinator and every 6 months I have to find a new show to work on, but I'm happy. That said, sometimes it makes me sad that almost every remnant of my old life is gone, I talk to only a handful of people from college and even fewer from high school. I never go home, I'm a Venetian now. (That said, I still have love for those back home, you're always welcome to visit.)
This tale may not sound too extreme compared with the people that quit their jobs and move to Australia to pick berries or go on an Eat, Pray, Love-esque self-discovery journey, but it was my journey and now I feel uniquely qualified to tell you NOT to blow it all up. Take a half measure, life isn't Breaking Bad after all. The following are some useful tips to get out of a rut without destroying your life as you know it.
1. DO! Change your physical appearance.
You would be shocked how much fun it is to toy with the way you look. Grow your hair out, chop it off, hit the gym and get ridiculously cut, get a tattoo, grow a beard. Sure, a drastic change in appearance has always been code for, I'm vulnerable right now and will probably have sex with you if you give me attention...but is that such a bad thing?
At the moment, we are young and lots of small decisions won't have long term consequences. You can't have surfer hair when you're 40, so I'll enjoy my flow now. Getting a tattoo of the zip code you grew up in will not make sense when you're 55. But for now, you can explain that shit as "so I never forget where I come from" and 9 out of 10 people will think it's fucking rad.
2. DO NOT! Get into drugs.
Such a cliche...you're better than that.
3. DO! Question your relationships. All of them.
As you get older things people grow apart, one of the symptoms of being in a rut is "more of the same." If you are dating someone just because you've been dating forever, quit that shit. There were probably a generation of slave owners that thought it was OK because, well they had just been doing it a long time. The same can be said for toxic friendships. If you have a friend that you kind of dread hanging out with, peace out homie! Join a bowling league with some of your work friends, join a new crew, don't let your entire social existence be dictated by what you're used to. Diversify that portfolio.
4. DO! Stupidly throw some money around.
Have you ever been to Denmark? No. Have you ever had a desire to go to Denmark? Not particularly. Is there a roundtrip flight from your hometown to Denmark for under $600. Ha, actually there is? Fucking go to Denmark! Stay in a hostel, have sex with a local, drink yourself retarded. Sometimes getting out of your basic routine and expanding your horizons is just the thing you need to get back on track.
5. DO NOT! Impulsively quit your job.
Instead half ass it and spend every possible waking minute at work searching for your new job. I know the idea of quitting a job sounds so tempting, like removing a noose from your neck...but you know what noose is ten times tighter? Financial obligations and debt (just kidding, personal bankruptcy laws got your back son)
6. DO! Start doing something new
I was pissed off last week and bought myself scuba lessons. I've never had a burning desire to scuba dive but it seems fun enough. Maybe I'll get really into it and spend one less weekend a month blowing all of my money and liver cells at the bars. I also want to take an improv class, maybe I'll meet some new people. I've flirted with the idea of joining the military reserves, supplemental income and hey, cool Army buddies! A new pastime that turns into a passion can change everything. Maybe start a blog and realize how much you like to write...then that secret novel you're writing at home will get you through those shitty days at that job you hate.
7. DO/DO NOT! Blindly move somewhere
Denver was the big one for a while, now it seems to be shifting more to California. Oh, the big what you ask? Place people would blindly move thinking it would fix everything. No game plan, just a hail mary reach for the ejection cord hoping that your parachute would land in a better situation in which you could live happily ever after.
It's a terrible idea, but also it works sometimes. See the above paragraph? That's exactly what I did and it sorta worked out, however it is risky AF. Some people can run from their problems and achieve a blissful existence, some people are doomed to repeat their past mistakes, but hey you can always just move again, how do you think criminals run from warrants so easily? But know this, moving is a colossal pain in the ass. Moving across the country is worse than passing a kidney stone.
8. DO NOT! Listen to me...
I mean every piece of advice I have given in this column, I did the opposite. What do I know? I was so fucked up Saturday night that I took a shit on the beach and kicked some sand over it because I didn't think I would make it home in time. That is not someone who has their shit together (ha pun!) So by all means, quit your job, start doing shrooms and pick a direction to drive. Maybe it will all work out.
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