Tuesday, October 11, 2016

American Fuckboy

'Oh he's just some fuckboy.'

I originally heard the term probably a couple years ago while listening to a couple girls talking about one of their boys on the side. I didn't really understand at the time what the phrase meant. I assumed said 'fuckboy' was just some guy that this chick had sex with, but it didn't really mean anything. Maybe he was hot, maybe his dad had money. But this dude was probably not 'the one.'

Under that definition being a 'fuckboy' would seem to be a positive. After all, there are very few men in their mid 20's that have an aversion to no strings sex. Unless of course a 'fuckboy' were to fall in love and WANT there to be strings. In fact they made two movies about this in 2011 so perhaps fuckboy had deeper origins.

As it turned out, I was wrong. A fuckboy is not some hot piece of ass a single chick calls when she is in heat and needs to tie one off. It is in fact an attempted perjorative term for somewhat of a flakey manwhore.

In fact, I stumbled upon a checklist on Betches about how to determine if you are dating a fuckboy.

After strong examination of the list it seems like a 'fuckboy' is the dude that doesn't want to date you, but will definitely send a 'you up?' text once he's drunk. Also every single person in Los Angeles.

It was at this exact moment that I realized that I am a fuckboy.

Not satisfied with my findings I decided to do a deeper internet dive, Huffpo defined it as such.

In essence, a fuckboy (sometimes stylized “fuckboi” or “fuccboi”) is a (usually straight, white) dude embodying something akin to the “man whore” label, mashed up with some “basic” qualities and a light-to-heavy sprinkling of misogyny.
Vanity Fair went slightly darker.

A “fuckboy” is a young man who sleeps with women without any intention of having a relationship with them or perhaps even walking them to the door post-sex. He’s a womanizer, an especially callous one, as well as kind of a loser.

And then Jezebel came it to say 'naw it's actually a word black dudes call each other to question their masculinity something something culture appropriation.'

To call someone a fuckboy is to insult them. It falls into a similar category of terms like bitch-ass or scrub. A fuckboy is a man who is lame, who sucks, who ain’t shit.
 Jez goes on to talk about hipster hip hop act Run the Jewels and probably some hot takes about why pads are better than tampons, but the evidence remains that there are multiple interpretations of the word.

I began using the word recently to dismiss the guys that my female friends dated that I didn't like.

'Can I bring Jonas to the pregame?'

'Ugh, that fuckboy? He'll never be one of us.'

I feel like that insult runs contrary to either Jezebel or Huff Po's definition and is more akin to just blaring Avril Lavigne's 'Hey hey you you I don't like your girlfriend!'

Furthermore there are even more sites that claim calling someone a 'fuckboy is to question their manhood.' As in you are not a man, you are a boy. Which is strange.

Right now we are living in parallel subcultures in which many people are worried about triggering warnings and safe spaces, while another half are yelling 'Saturdays are for the boys' while doing lines of cocaine out of skinny girls' clavicle gaps.

 Were a Silverlake male feminist to call a former frat guy a 'fuckboy' the reaction would likely be, 'Hell ya man, Dicks out for Harambe!' thus creating a subculture paradox where one side is calling the other horrible and the other side embracing it.

My conclusion is that a 'fuckboy' is whatever you want it to be. It's also an aesthetically pleasing thing to say which is why it must be so popular in our current lexicon.'Fuckgirl' didn't pop off because frankly it doesn't roll off the tongue as well.

We're overrun by fuckboys at this specific moment in time. Donald Trump, Lena Dunham, Kanye West, Season 4 JD McCoy in Friday Night Lights. But just remember before you judge too harshly, there is a little fuckboy in all of us.

That in mind, I've created a fun and quick quiz to determine if you, in 2016, are a fuckboy.

1. Do you do use drugs?

2. Do you wear your hats backwards?

3. Have you unironically Sent a snapchat with the caption 'Saturdays are for the boys?'

4. Have you ghosted someone in the last three months?

5. Are you on at least 2 dating apps (Bumble, Tinder, Jdate, etc.)

6. Are you voting for someone other than Hillary?

7. Would you cancel all pre existing plans if you were invited on a boat?

8. Do you have a cleaning lady (or guy) that you pay to clean your apartment?

9. Do you own more than 5 articles of clothing that could be considered pastels?

10.  Do you judge people for saying things like 'Mercury is in retrograde?'

11. Have you participated in a fad diet in the last year?

Now give yourself 1 point for every 'Yes.' If you're over 7, congratulations. You're a fuck boy. Come on over on Saturday we'll start drinking Smirnoff Ices around noon.

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