The United States of Frat: Michigan

 

Welcome to the United States of Frat, a new recurring segment on SingledudeinLA. A coworker recently pointed out to me that I have an uncanny knowledge of bro bars in college towns, that's because my chief mission in undergrad was to drink beers and gun chicks. As it is college football aka road trip season I decided that it might be helpful to point out a few bars that you might want to check out on your visit to campus. Every single one of these bars will have good drink specials and probably a 20 year old trust fund girl who will go home with you. You're welcome!

University of Michigan: Scorekeepers

Yelp Score: 2.5 Stars

Scathing reviews:

From Erin G who gave it one star:

I've been to Skeeps several times, but last night was a combination of frat boys and sorostitutes celebrating St. Patty's and some kind of business school event I think, since a whole busload of guys in suits was there. I am neither a sorostitute nor a b-school attendee, but I know some people who work there and can get me cheap drinks, so there I was. I'm pretty sure there were about 500 people there, and I'm really not exaggerating. It was so crowded and hot, you had to push through people to get anywhere, and it definitely made me claustrophobic, big-time. With all the stairs and levels in the place, my drunken self kept thinking if there was a fire, we'd all be goners. At about 1:15, I frantically escaped, desperately needing fresh air and NYPD bbq chicken pizza. They have cheap personal pitchers and good specials, though my personal pitcher gin-and-tonic seemed to have a very high ratio of tonic water and ice to the gin. This points to a key aspect of Skeeps: don't go here if drinking an entire pitcher of alcohol by yourself seems odd or maybe unsafe. Do go if you like to get puking-drunk, like to feel cheap, or like to watch UM Greek's finest do what they do best.

 You hear that you cunts? You better make Erin's personal pitcher a fucking half and half. She likes to be hammered when she makes fun of the Greeks. I do want to know more about this NYPD BBQ Chicken pizza though...

From Jen G who gave it two stars:

1 star for friendly waitstaff and for a tasty burger.

Another star for watching ridiculously drunk girls in ridiculously short dresses dance awkwardly on the dance floor.

I would give the drunk girls in short dresses at least an additional two stars Jen.

David M (Not me!) checks in to give it one star:

Gross and scary, as the other reviews have outlined.  If you're underage (or into underage individuals) this is your place, though, since they are notorious for letting people slide.  I, however, am 22, and would go to any other bar instead.

Whoooa you hear that shit? David is a Senior, he's 22! Practically retired, he can't be fucking with the sloppy underagers at Skeeps.

And finally Crystal tosses in her two cents:

This place needs to be gutted and burned down. There were flies and gnats at the bar and on the TV s and trash behind the bar on the floor from the night before. It felt like we were in a dungeon. The food was NASTY! Just..ewwww. Cold chicken wings, gross nachos. I noticed the bartender didn't ask the little girl next to me for her ID. I actually told the bartender all of this and he gave me 15% off...it should have been 100% free.

My review...

I went to Skeeps (only loser GEEDS call it Scorekeepers) Labor Day weekend of 2010. I had already graduated and I was 23, so what did I do? Drive to Michigan to hook up with my roommate's sister's Sophomore friends. Yay! I was staying at a Phi Psi live out and literally traded a guy drugs for tickets in the Big House parking lot. It was a bender of a weekend, I did body shots off of no fewer than four Tri Delts during tailgate and I was generally feeling great about myself.

I didn't think the day could get much better until I headed to the bars after the game. My buddy took me to this place called Skeeps, the local frat bar. I knew immediately when I walked in that I had found my Ann Arbor home. What sat before me was a multi level dive bar masquerading as a dance club. Freshman Sorority girls fell all over themselves on a slippery dance floor. Chanting bros stood on tables Viking chugging pitchers of beer. Braylon Edwards sat in a corner with no less than seven blondes pouring bottles of vodka directly on their faces.

I equated myself to the bar and ordered 8 Jager Bombs for the completely reasonable price of $30. I then found the dance floor and used my white male privilege to just dance with whoever I felt like. It paid off and hours later I found myself in a U of M off campus apartment hooking up.

30 minutes or so into the ordeal I heard some rustling upstairs.

"SHIT!"

"What? Do you have a roommate or something?'

"NO! THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND. He wasn't supposed to come back until tomorrow. Also he's black.'

With that I am flung from the bed and shoved out an open window. My jeans and shirt are thrown through the window as well as a profuse apology. What happened next, I didn't expect as I was hit in the face with a wadded up piece of paper. I looked to the ground and saw a 20 dollar bill.

'20 bucks can get you a cab anywhere on campus!'

A wink and then the window slammed shut. I'm pretty sure this is the exact moment feminism was born.

I made it back to the apartment where I was supposed to be staying. I found my roommate sitting on the curb with all of our belongings. Apparently he had been on the Skeeps dance floor, kissing the girlfriend of one of the guys we were staying with. It was frowned upon. We got in the car and drove back to Chicago at 4 in the morning...

But ya, Skeeps gets a solid 5 stars