Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Be Basic

Do you like apple orchards, spiced lattes and carving pumpkins?

Me too. Carving pumpkins is fucking dope.

Did you get excited for fall weather because you have a fantastic wardrobe full of sweaters and Patagonia fleeces that you have been dying to wear for the last six months? Me too. I ride hard for that shit.

I grew up wealthy, my parents are still together, I was in a frat and I have a traditionally sought after body type. Oh and I'm white.

I like Taylor Swift because she's catchy, I go to Starbucks because it's convenient. I watch Love Actually at Christmas. I wear collared shirts because they are flexible, I participate in wine Wednesday because WINE NOT and yes I prefer skinny blondes because I am physiologically predisposed to.

You know what I am...I'm basic.

I don't know where the term came from or why it went mainstream around the beginning of this decade.

Oh wait, ya I do. We stole it from black people just like rap, Drake and phrases I hate like 'fam' and 'woke.' (Ironically that statement makes me woke)

But whereas 'basic' was effectively used by a certain subculture previously to criticize the mainstream it has now been co-opted by people that are feeling bitter and insecure, you know who they are: haters.

In a world of microaggressions and safe spaces it seems the only thing left to go after is that which we envy.

"Look at her vacation photos. So basic."

Sure, hot dogs or legs is a little played out, but the subtext of that comment is always going to be, 'god dammit this chick is in Bali and I had a mediocre Bumble date last night at a Barney's Beanery.'

I am here to tell you today once and for all that there is nothing wrong with living in Santa Monica or going to Yoga or getting a juice. It is not a mortal sin to your individuality to go to Soul Cycle or have a Class Pass.

Carrying a few too many pounds does not make you interesting, being skinny does not make you uninteresting. It is ok to conform to societal norms, read best sellers and check in from Sugarfish on date night.

Go ahead and be a bandwagon cubs fan. Get that North Shore approved t shirt that makes your tits look fucking great. Grab the matching hat too.

Listen to Chainsmokers. Fuck it make an entire Chainsmokers playlist for your Halloween party. Dress slutty. Do your best re-enactment of SNL's 'A Girl's Halloween.'

Live your life like a fucking Pinterest board if you want to because the people that drag you down for living your life the way you want are the same people that think their self esteem issues make them hip.

Being unhappy is not hip.

Live your best life and if that life includes making pumpkin cookies for your book club. You make those fucking cookies with pride. You aren't a 'normie' you aren't a stereotype, you are you.

My name is David Moeller and I am proud to be a basic bitch.

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