Everyone who knows me well can attest to the fact that I am a huge romantic comedy fan. So it won't surprise you that when my boy Zac Efron of High School Musical fame and the vastly underrated 17 Again (not the version they show on BET with the chicks from Sister, Sister) I would be pumped for its arrival. I am probably in the minority that really liked Valentine's Day, I'm easy, get a bunch of attractive people to fall in love and I am 100% on board. Reality be damned, I watch movies to escape! Unfortunately, I haven't established a strong network of platonic chick friends to drag on these seemingly "gay friend dates." So this will not be a review of the most anticipated rom-com of the year (yes I know it sits at 8% on the tomatometer, but these guys are all economy conscious and shit..."save your money" did you really have better plans for that $13? Were you going to save it, invest it in your 401k? Oh, you were actually going to buy the holiday special edition bottle of Svedka for $12.99 on special at CVS...I stand corrected) instead, I decided to put together a list of the top 10 things you should plan on doing for New Year's.
Now if you are sitting around thinking, "New Year's is amateur night, blah blah blah what separates it from any other Saturday night." Go fuck yourself. New Year's is great. Because even if you were going to go out anyway, now everyone else is and people have no problem getting dressed to the nines and blacking out and making terrible life choices. And most of these decisions will be forgiven because New Year's is an excuse. It force your job to give you a day or two off and the collective society to say "fuck it" and spend a ton of money on frivolity.
In the past I have had epic New Year's where I have ski'd away from a bomb threat, raged at a David Lee Roth concert at City Walk Orlando and even texted a friend "hey, would you be mad if I hooked up with your ex-girlfriend?" It's really all about the story. So without further ado, the top 10 ways to spend your last few hours of 2011.
10. College Bowl Game
For the past 12 or so years my dad took us to Florida anytime Iowa would earn a New Years day bowl birth. In that time period I went to games in Miami, Orlando, Tampa and Fort Meyers. I didn't go to the Insight bowl when IU went in 2007 but I wish I would have. College Bowls, especially when they are in exotic locations are the fucking tits. The game notwithstanding, these trips turn into miniature spring breaks. Keep in mind, the college kids get 3 weeks off so you better believe they will be in Miami days in advance raging for the Orange Bowl. I was always at an awkward age and with my parents on these trips so my participation in the party was always limited, but I could see the people 4 and 5 years my senior, and they were having the times of their life. Also, you can't beat the college style road trip.
9. Hotel Party
Hotels have always fascinated me. Even when staying at a hotel in your home town, being in one adds a legitimacy to your vacation. I have always associated hotels with positive experiences, be it playing knee hockey in the halls with my travel baseball team or getting fucked up with a strange group of 8 people circa the age of 17. Now hotel parties are vastly different. You get a room a couple rooms at the Hilton, pregame hard with a close knit group of friends, go downstairs to a banquet hall wearing expensive suits and listen to Pitbull or some shit for a couple hours. If you meet anyone downstairs, you can slip them your room key, or go up during the middle of the party for a variety of reasons, and unlike bars, your hotel room has no specific closing time...it's funny that the one constant over the past 20 years is the fear of noise complaints.
8. All you can drink at a bar
I know everyone talks shit about this. Some marginal acquaintance of yours sends out some 1000 person email blast inviting you to the "PARTY OF THE CENTURY." And even though it always fails to live up to the hype, whatever, that's where everyone is going to go...and you may not think you will get your money's worth on $150 VIP wristband, but I'm pretty sure I've mastered this. Engage one member of the opposite sex extremely early in the night and just commit to not leaving the bar for 2 hours. There'll be plenty of time to dance and do the rounds later, plus no one decides who they are going to kiss until like 11:30 so those hours from 8-10 are for you and your BAC...make sure to bring like $30 in singles to tip a buck a drink (if you have leftover singles and you fail to convert on a chick I think you could still salvage the evening at a sleazy gentlemen's club) and you may want to look into some sort of party bus, it's impossible to get a cab on NYE.
7. Ski Trip
If you can work a vacation into your New Year's plans ALWAYS DO IT. Do you know how much cooler going to some random bar in Aspen on New Years is after hitting the slopes for a week compared to getting off work at 3 and just heading downtown? Skiing (or boarding) is awesome. Ski towns are amazing. Girls that ski are awesome. By the transitive property or something like that, this is a winning proposal. And if you think "why would I go to some quiet ski town for New Year's? Won't it be all families?" You couldn't be more wrong, after the last lift stops, ski towns rage harder than most college campuses. Probably the best New Year's I ever had took place on a ski trip with 4 buds (and also involved 5 banks, disgruntled locals multiple bombs and an eventual murder/suicide, this is the movie New Years Eve would have been with Michael Bay directing) I'm trying to do it again this year...this should probably have a better ranking on the list.
6. Family Trip
I know, it sounds relatively weak, but let's look at a few contributing factors. Your parents are most likely wealthier than you. Not only are they paying for the trip, they are probably going to take you somewhere badass. Europe? Central/South America? Go. It will be awesome. You're probably sick of the shit weather and that is something you and your parents have in common, they are probably going to take you somewhere hot with sand and water. I just went to Italy with my parents, it kicked ass. Hopefully you have a similarly aged sibling to be your partner in crime, if not, I know from experience many an alliance are formed in the hot tub. You're a single 24 year old in the Bahamas looking to bang chicks? There is probably a like minded dude plotting the same thing in the hot tub (or maybe a hot chick that wants to get away from her parents for a few hours) Regardless, you are not the only one on vacation with their parents, you just need to round up a crowd and get into some misadventure, try to get your own room...the non-adjoining type.
5. House Party
Thus far my suggestions haven't necessarily been cheap. And although my ranting on this site often makes me sound like some strange fiscal conservative/social anarchist (I think they are calling that a Libertarian these days) I assure you monetarily speaking I currently identify much more with the 99%, so I understand that you may not have a few g's to blow for some "overrated invented holiday." Alas, if you have $15 and some clean clothes, you can still have a blast. I was for a long time staunchly against the house party. It just takes everything special away from the evening. You can put on nice clothes and drink champagne any other night of the year, but with a little effort and an open mind it can be so much more than that. No competing with 100 other meat sticks for drinks and/or the girl you want to bang. No last call. In fact, in my experience the people at a house party almost always get the rowdiest...there's no rules, there's no loud music you have to scream over...just lots and lots of shots, and fierce competition for the best beds come 4 am.
4. Concert
Not into the whole getting dressed up and doing the all you can drink thing? Are you more of a EDM and MDMA kinda person? Whatever floats your boat. I see this as a perfect last minute kinda thing. I always hold out and end up scrambling for tickets at double the value on Craigslist at like 4pm on the 31st. When I could just go start pregaming in Wicker Park at 6pm and go see a Pretty Lights show at the Congress that goes until 4am...you could probably get a cab by that point.
3. International Travel
There is an eventual limit to what will happen domestically on New Year's. Inevitably, no matter how crazy your night, you will eventually pass out or die. But if you really wanted to take it to the next level, you would have to leave our friendly borders. Because as crazy as your buddy's story about getting domed up by a tranny in Miami might sound, I can't even begin to fathom the debauchery that goes down in Ibiza or Rio.
2. New York
Almost obligatory to be put on the list. New York is New Year's Eve. And even though NYC doesn't experience the new year first, or it may experience it hours before your time zone does...when the ball drops the new year has happened. (Living in Chicago I always found it so anti-climatic when the ball dropped in New Years and they showed the crazy Times Square footage and having to remind myself, oh wait we still have one more hour, I can't even imagine what it will feel like when the ball drops this year and I'm still getting dressed in Cali) But aside from the madness on the streets (I have heard it compared to New Orleans Mardi Gras...which was a runner-up on the list) every fucking club, warehouse and secret pop-up shop are doing something of monstrous proportions. You see those reaves on tv and wonder...where does that shit actually happen? NYE in New York.
1. Vegas
Shouldn't the day of the year where we are most excessive be spent in the world's capitol of excess? Look, Vegas is always going to be insane. And I understand the argument that your Vegas experience would be nearly the same on any of the other 364 days of the year. But I refuse to believe, that one could go to Vegas on New Year's and not have some sort of weirdness that would cause a life altering experience. You would probably blow your entire net worth on hookers, drugs, gambling and booze. But hey, it's all about the story right? And whether your story is making the next Kardashian sex tape in the bathroom at XS or accidentally murdering an annoying pimp during a bad shroom trip, the next day is a new year and all sins are forgiven. That's what the lyrics of Auld Lang Syne say right? Well the 1st is a Sunday, so maybe you go to mass just to be sure about that whole soul cleansing thing.
There you have it! Something for everyone. So as you prepare for the holiday vacation season, don't forget to keep your tolerance up, you don't want to be the person that passes out before midnight...I've heard that it's a bad omen that you won't make it to the end of 2012 either.
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