Isn't it bizarre that roughly 1 out of every 12 days of your life is in December? December is and always will be one of the greatest month. Perhaps that is because I always associated December with kick ass Holidays like Christmas and New Year's, ski trips, a lack of school..and ya it's cold (most places) but it's the exciting new cold. Not that bullshit cold from February that makes you homicidal. All the malls are pretty, Christmas music is everywhere, College bball is heating up and the playoff races are beginning to develop in the NFL. Also Jingle all the Way is played at least twice a week on USA for the entire month.
There should be a name for the period of time between Thanksgiving and January 3rd. Most people are pretty much checked out this entire period. Ya if you are a student you are cramming in a formal or two in between all nighters that usually just end up with you saying "fuck it" at midnight and going to the bar. Or going to some girls room to study and the sexual tension eventually boils over at 3am when she pops a bottle of wine for a study break and you end up sleeping in and are 30 minutes late for your final...ya we've all been there.
In the real world, most of the higher ups are taking vacations, so in between the 6 hours of light you receive during the week, there isn't a whole lot going on. Maybe some shopping, or some Love Actually marathons, not a lot of people going out on a Wednesday night to check out the Christmas lights at Butch McGuires...
But with this laziness comes something magical...the Holiday themed drinking events! See my friends, I'm not the first person to advocate drinking through the treacherous weather. I'm not the first person to suggest that adding some spice to the month of December is not just an extra pump in your eggnog lattee at Starbucks. However, in case some of you have forgotten your inner frat guy (Think of the movie The Santa Claus when the dude from Beverly Hills cop finally got his Oscar Meyer wiener whistle, and he remembers his inner child...it's like that but with booze) here is a list of Holiday themed drinking fun.
1. Secret Santa
What you remember: Exchanging random gifts with schoolmates, youth group friends, coworkers.
How to make it fun: Remember when you would bring a really kick-ass gift to the party (like the hot new Nerf gun that year) and then you ended up with something shitty like Lincoln logs. Ya, I remember that too. Now what if every gift had to be a fifth of alcohol? Sure, someone will end up with Jager and someone will end up with 75 South, my experience is that both will get you quite intoxicated and most of these events will lead to sharing, because it's not like everyone takes their toys and goes home. They rip open the wrapping paper and then start ripping shots almost just as quickly...and if you want to bring this year's hot new Nerf gun to add chaos to the situation I award bonus points.
2. Caroling
What you remember: Probably going around in a church group knocking on the doors of strangers and occasionally being invited inside for some hot cider.
How to make it fun: Why not go caroling immediately after your Secret Santa, what's better than getting hammered with your friends and singing to strangers and then demanding to be brought inside and awarded some sort of compensation. Although, I would say that there probably won't be enough eggnog to go around if you are in a large enough group.
3. Holiday dress up
What you remember: Perhaps going to class or work in a cute Christmas sweater your grandmother knitted you.
How to make it fun: Aside from the obvious awkward Christmas sweater party which you will undoubtedly be invited to (x5) the best way to celebrate the holidays by dressing like a deranged elf is a Christmas themed bar crawl. You are all probably familiar with TBOX in Chicago. SOme of my fondest memories of the windy city have come when it was 12 degrees out and I was staggering around Wrigleyville in a onesie dowsing strangers with breakfast serial. Honestly TBOX deserves its own post but I don't live in Chicago anymore. That said, I can almost guarantee you, that every moderate sized city has at least one bar promoter who has thrown something together. Dressing up like an idiot is fun, drinking is fun, adding these together is the best mashup since the ice cream sandwich.
4. Quality time at home
What you remember: Sitting by a fireplace watching Rudolph the Rednose Reindeer and getting bitched at your parents to shovel the driveway.
How to make it fun: I always use the, "I don't live here anymore, shovel your own driveway" excuse to mixed results. But what you may not have stumbled upon yet, is that all the great childhood activities: snowball fights, sledding, building snowmen...still fun. Even better hammered. And don't start to think that you are an alcoholic because you use light substance abuse to enhance every day activities. You are on vacation, and vacation is about enjoying yourself
5. Everything else
The holidays fucking rock. Putting up the tree, making a fire, figuring out your own eggnog recipes, playing hockey on the pond. It' tough to be in a bad mood in December, even if all you can see for miles is gray. Most of the bars are decorated in cheerful fashion and Mariah Carey's timeless classic "All I want for Christmas is You" plays on repeat. It really is the most wonderful time of the year. Even in Los Angeles where it is 70 degrees out today, I feel the holiday spirit in the air. We have this joyous season to take us to early January, when shit really hits the fan and there truly isn't anything to look forward to outside of an occasional ski trip until March. I suggest many vacations during that time frame, but fuck the future...live in the present.
Many people stress about the coming of a new year. Oh my god, I need to lose weight, stop smoking, get in shape, get a promotion and be married next year. Well that shit can be taken care of in 2012, I assure you, if you haven't accomplished that yet in 2011, it's not happening. So dive right in, and enjoy yourself these last 31 days. Don't let the holidays cause you anxiety, instead put on your most hideous ensemble of knits and corduroy on and enjoy yourself because tis the season to be merry.
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