Monday, July 25, 2016

An Oral History of The Shot


I'll never forget where I was during the attack on the World Trade Center on 9/11. I was in my 2nd period Theater Arts class at Cathedral High School pondering the potential social ramifications of quitting all sports and diving in head first into drama.

Likewise, I will never forget listening to the Bronco chase on a small radio while camping at the Michigan Dunes asking my dad who OJ Simpson was.

And I will never forget 'The Shot.'

*Names have been changed

Steven (friend of the groom) I wasn't paying much attention to the game of beer pong being played inside the second cabana. To be honest, I was trying to figure out a way to chug an entire beer while going down the water slide. I got close, but never QUITE finished a whole beer.

Mark (friend of the groom) The two chicks we hired to be our cocktail servers didn't really serve shit, in fact no one made me a god damn drink all weekend. It was fine though, I just walked around with a bottle of Fireball. I was passed out by 7 o'clock on Saturday night.

Phil (Bridal party) I blame my poor performance on the fact that I slept like shit on Friday. Not only was the movie theater room like 40 degrees, Mark kept stealing the fucking blankets.

Mark: Phil snores like a motherfucker, I thought if I kept stealing the blanket he would leave.

Scott (Bridal party) So I was playing with JT and we were smoking Phil and this waitress names Sky. I don't think she made a cup the whole game. JT told her he was going to throw her in the pool if she failed to hit a cup.

JT (future brother in law) She was wearing a white shirt. I really didn't want her to make a cup.

Bartholomew (Friend of the groom) I slept until 2pm on Saturday. The wine cellar was very dark and I was overserved on the Gaslamp bar crawl the night before.

Phil: Bartholomew definitely gets LVP of the weekend, he was blacked out and vomitting by 10:30 Friday night.

Scott: Because we were winning by so much, I think I kind of lost focus on the game. I didn't realize that Phil had started hitting cups...

JT: Some of the IU guys were playing this weird game in the pool where they throw a beer into the middle and then fight for the right to chug it. Very distracting.

Steven: JT clearly doesn't understand the rules to Four Corners. You fight for the beer so you can make someone ELSE chug it.

Sky: I'm an accountant. I was filling in for a friend who takes shitty catering gigs on the weekends to help cover her student loans. Needless to say, I don't play a lot of beer pong.

Mikey (friend of the groom)  I think that 50 cases and 20 handles of liquor was too much alcohol for 19 guys. I mean that's how much booze we used to get for a Little 5 party and like 400 people would go to those.

Dave (me) There was definitely too much alcohol. And we didn't eat...like at all.

Scott: We were down to our last cup, still staring down four, but I caught fire and hit three in a row. They just couldn't hit the final cup.

Sky: I don't really understand the rules. You can smack the ball but only sometimes? There is a bounce involved or something and sometimes you can hike the ball through your legs like a football.

Phil: You know the California shot, when you get a bonus shot behind the back when the ball comes back to you? Sky had real trouble processing that, we let her hike it through her legs like some sort of retarded long snapper because it was hilarious.

Dave: I swear they went back and forth with one cup left each for like thirty minutes. I must have had time for three Camel Crushes. I don't know why I decided to smoke this weekend, it just felt right.

Steven: Everyone will always Remember LeBron for The Block, Franco Harris has the Immaculate Reception...Sky the accountant from San Ysidro will always be remembered for 'The Shot.'

Mark: Honestly I was in the house trolling for Adderall when I heard the eruption of noise. I thought maybe some Earth shattering news had just broken on Twitter, like Aliens or Time Travel had been proven real. But alas, they were all losing their shit over a beer pong shot. I never found any Adderall.

Scott: So I clanged yet another shot off the rim and Phil misses the cup completely. Sky's shot is literally so bad that it bounces off JT's forehead and rolls back to her. She tries that ridiculous through the legs shot again and shanks it so bad it hits a speaker and rolls back to her.

JT: If my reflexes would have been even slightly better I could have dodged that ball. I think I had also smoked a J during the game. It literally lasted fucking forever.

Dave: So Sky gets the ball again, gets in her ridiculous crouching position and launches the ball through her legs, honestly without even really looking. A long arcing pattern sent the ball straight into the cup. Game over.

Sky: I made a cup!

Phil: I've never even seen someone make the behind the back shot, yet Sky drained a backwards through the legs NO LOOK shot for the win! It was epic.

JT: I still pushed Sky into the pool.

Dave: It was a hell of a shot.

Steven: Shortly thereafter we started aggressively chugging shots. I don't remember much of what happened next.

John (groom) I remember nothing.

Bartholomew: It's probably for the best.

Mikey: So who wins MVP?

Dave: Oh, Sky definitely wins MVP.

Sky: They pushed me in the pool. I think they were all in a frat or something.

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