Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Crosstown Classic

Before I get into the juice of this post I want to share a quick anecdote with you. Last night after rollerblading to McDonalds to get a DQP w/ C meal, I sat down to enjoy some quality Monday evening programming. Unfortunately, my choices were limited to the season premier of "Intervention" and MTV's Teen Wolf...and since I feel I walk a very thin line of going on the aforementioned show (I often ask people if they want to get A&E Intervention drunk with me on Saturdays) I try to avoid it at all costs. Teen Wolf it is. Wow what a train wreck of teenage soap. It is the most angsty, CWesque show out there. It makes Pretty Little Liars and Secret Life of the American Teen look like Revolutionary Road. To encapsulate, MTV has taken the classic Michael J Fox comedy of the 80's and made it "grittier" with more attractive people. The best part is the main character is a laxer...so generation Y frat bro chill right? Anyway, the kid is a pussy but when he gets mad he werewolf transforms only like halfway and becomes a beast on the field. I shit you not he shot a ball so fast that it burned a hole through the goalies net. Also his girlfriend's dad is in the league of werewolf hunters, which is kind of like in Jumper where Diane Lane is Annakin Skywalker's mom but she still tries to kill him.

That intro was far too long, I apologize.

But perhaps now you know why I am going stir crazy. Today, is the Summer Solstice, the longest day of the year, it's all downhill from here. However, that's a tough argument when it's 90 degrees out and the predicted storms all week have failed to show and it's crosstown classic week. Now I get it, you aren't that excited about it because both the Cubs and Sox kinda suck, the series is on the southside right now which is about as pleasant to visit as Baltimore in the winter. You're thinking, didn't the crosstown classic coincide with the Hawks victory parade last year? Where is the cup going tonight? Can't wait to go post up at the Pony or Stanley's and try to high five Sharp!
Fuck your attitude then...last summer was super legit, but you are missing the point. Winter was a hard frozen cock in the ass, and it's over now (insert gay pride parade coming this weekend joke here) we should just be pumped about the weather, summer hours Fridays, random boat cruise Wednesdays, outdoor concerts at Northerly Island and the impending debacle that will be the 4th of July. I'm not too sure who is paying for Chicago fireworks this year, but if you don't think I'm driving to Gary to get some moderate to high end explosives and throwing a raging bash in the lawn, then you're seriously mistaken.
Last weekend I hit up Wrigley for some good old fashioned day drinking. I have no desire to go into the game but I was intrigued by the Lady Gaga cover band playing the new "Wrigleyville Blockparty." Seriously, whoever came up with this idea is a genius.

"The Cubs suck, people won't even show when we play the Yankees."
"Hm...let's fence off an area next to the park and pay a local garage band $50 to play top 40 hits...and then we'll charge everyone $8 a beer"

Yes, those cubs fans are so predictable, if they have a dogshit baseball team, get them drunk and they will be pleased. But the point is, without the Bulls making their dream run, the Hawks falling short and the NFL in a lockout the only two things I have going for me this summer in the sporting world are Major League Baseball and Andy Roddick, and I just know Roddick will fuck up before the Wimbledon quarters, just watch. That said, I want to hit up a roof top, I want to get sun/alcohol poisoning in the bleachers with the common man. The lake weekends, the float trips, the party bus to Dave Matthews...these things are great, but it's the little things that are going to make this summer so memorable.

Would you believe that I have actually inquired as to the Craigslist price of a ticket to US Cellular tonight? No, I've never actually paid to see a game there, but I took a general temperature. I much prefer logging a good 4 hours at a Wrigleyville bar before aggressively low balling scalpers (true fact about me, I can absolutely not negotiate with a ticket broker unless I am balls to the wall hammered. Fortunately, I rarely attempt to attend any social event of any kind in a state of sobriety) but nonetheless I would probably fork over a Jackson tonight to see Cubs/Sox on the southside on the condition that there are fireworks afterward regardless of the outcome.

Enough of my word vomit for now, I need to go crack a beer and play a stimulating game of horseshoes against myself in the front yard.

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