Sunday, June 12, 2011

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Call me Daniel Day Lewis because there will be blood. What makes this Sunday more special than any other Sunday? Is it because of the potential Blues Fest/Old Town Art Fair combo? Is it because last night was my roommates birthday and I didn't sleep well because my suburban friend felt the need to sleep in my bed thus limiting my possible sleeping space to a half twin? Is it because I am ragingly hungover/still intoxed?
Who fucking cares? Do you have work today? Unless you are in the service industry or clean pools, no. I don't care if it is unseasonably cold for June 12. Are you still pouting about the mist yesterday? Could you not enjoy your 90's cover bands on Wells street with a brisk wind and some clouds? Quit you bitching, the weekend is young.
Sunday funday is one of the lamest phrases out there. It's the equivalent of a gdi going out for new years. When I see tweets that say #sundayfunday I look for the nearest box cutter to go up the highway not across the tracks. Let's get one thing clear, Sunday is part 2 of the weekend and it cannot be overlooked.
If you are in the betting game you have heard stories of someone losing it all in a fluke week of early season NFL. When these serial gamblers are in a major hole going into Monday morning, do you know what they do? They put it all on the line. Make wagers they can't cover, roll the fucking dice. Have a mortgage? Fuck it. Student loans? Call me collectors, I'll press ignore all fucking day, are you going to repo my degree? These ballsy individuals put it all on the line, one bet, one game, Monday Night Football.
MNF is the Sunday of sports betting. Did you have a shitty weekend? Eat some bad sushi and have to head home early before you could dance fuck that little blonde on the stage? Did you fail to sport some wood because you had one too many Jamo shots?
Whatever. That shit is in the past. Get over it homey. Today can be your game 7 LeBron, don't shrink.
First, let's establish a few facts: 1. You have to work tomorrow. 2. Even if you are unemployed, normal people (this excludes teen moms and tatted up felons) have to work tomorrow. Oh ya, I thought the college kids would take over the beach in June too...I was wrong. 3. The best party is a day party, this is undisputed.
That said, are you ready to chalk this weekend up as a loss? Just another 1.89% of your freedom robbed because of your inability to be awesome?
I have an alternative plan. Treat this day like it is the greatest day of the week. Don't lay in bed complaining about your hangover and passively watch a NASCAR race on Fox. Get up, get out and get in where you fit in. The beauty of day drinking is that it ends at a reasonable hour. Go rip it from noon until 8pm and crash. This gives you a kick ass day and 11 hours of sleep. Also if you happen to find an acorn you blind squirrel, you can have a guilt free escape strategy in the AM.
"Oh good morning girl I just railed, I have to go to work now because I am a functioning member of society. We are going to part ways now, but it's not because I'm an asshole, it's just because normal people leave their house at 7am on Monday mornings. I have a real job and I probably won't text you this week because I'll be getting home late and watching sports and episodes of the Wire with my roommates. Once again, not an asshole, this is just reality. If I see you out again we should make a sequel to this story...hopefully on a Sunday so I don't have to get you NYC bagel in the morning."
See how reasonable that scenario was? That could be you in 18 hours.
What do I suggest? If you are minutes away from checking yourself into the ER from dehydration, alcohol poisoning, etc. Just go to an all you can drink mimosa brunch. Then get creative. THis city is fucking dope. There is so much cool shit to do and there will be a street festival every weekend from now until October. Go there, get cultured. Play some fucking putt putt on Navy Pier, check out some fossils at a museum. Did you know that Second City is free Sundays at 9? Or that Stanley's on a Sunday is arguably the best party in the midwest? I bet you didn't. You are probably thinking about how much easier it would be to smoke a bowl and watch re-runs of Planet Earth.
Don't.
Turn your 2 strikes on Friday and Saturday night into an 0-2 homerun to deep left center. Because honestly, the bartender you bring home from Underground Industry night will teach you shit in the sack that you believed to only be rumor until...you made Sunday count.

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