Elizabeth A (Indiana Pi Phi, former LA resident): So Moeller was staying with us as he always does when he stays in Chicago. We straightened his hair, he looked fab! I wanted him to come to my 6am Pilates class but he said something about an early flight. I can't believe how good he looked with the blow out I gave him, now I just need to get him set up with some Rodan Fields and he could totally be a male model.
Lizzy S. (Michigan State Sigma Kappa, former LA resident): Moeller and I may have stayed up a little too late drinking wine and watching the Michigan/Michigan State ending. I mean can you FUCKING BELIEVE IT? GO SPARTY WOOOOOOOOO!!!
David M (Indiana Phi Psi, current LA resident): I have to admit, I did look good with my hair straightened. I was a little nervous about my 6:45 flight but Lizzy said it would only take like 20 minutes to get to the airport at that hour. We probably shouldn't have opened that third bottle of wine, but after that fake punt, I needed another drink.
Elizabeth A: I woke up to go open the gym around 5:15 and Moeller was still there…
David M: It is incredibly difficult to shower without getting your hair wet.
Lizzy S: I told Moeller to give himself an hour to get to O'Hare to be safe.
David M: I got out of the shower at like 5:30 and immediately attempted to get an Uber. I forgot that I had thrown my phone at a brick wall on Saturday night rendering it useless. I had to download the Uber app onto my iPhone. I keep wondering what would have happened if I would have been able to request an Uber 2 minutes earlier. You know like Butterfly Effect/Chaos theory shit right? Anyway, how the fuck is there a 3x surge at 530am?
Carlos A (Uber driver, no college or Greek affiliation): So I pick up this kid in Lincoln Park on Monday morning. I see this slight look of terror in his eye when he hears that we should be at his destination in an hour.
Erin M (WGN traffic reporter, Columbia College alum): Traffic was unusually heavy Monday morning, especially at the airport. An Old Style truck had jackknifed at the Harlem exit. Lots of USC fans were unable to fly home after watching a disappointing defeat to Notre Dame two days before.
David M: So I was already freaking out about missing my flight and then the car starts wobbling out of control. Next thing I know there is a horrific pop and we are pulled over on the side of the road.
Carlos A: See I had fixed my blowout the day before, but my rim must've been bent or something. That kid just jumped out of the car and started running down the freeway like a maniac. I gave him 4 stars.
John T (Notre Dame Phi Alpha Delta 3L, Driving on the Dan Ryan): I was driving to the airport to pick up a friend who had gone back East for the weekend. We were to drive back to South Bend later that day. Traffic is starting to back up and I see this guy in an Iowa hoodie running down the shoulder of the Dan Ryan flailing his arms wildly. I pulled over to offer assistance.
David M I missed a flight once because I ate too many space cakes in Amsterdam. The result was 12 hours of misery in a Brussels airport, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. So I just jumped out of the Uber and started to run, then this dude in a Kia Soul picks me up. It was crazy.
John T So we're driving to the airport and Dave tells me he got a 160 on his LSAT but didn't pursue Law School because of some sort of pending legal issue at his undergraduate university. I jotted it down because it seems like an interesting case study to discuss in Phi Alpha Delta, the professional legal fraternity.
David M John was a pretty mild mannered dude, but when he figured out how much of a hurry I was in, he turned into a maniac. He jumped a median, he drove the wrong way down a service road. All said and done he got me to the airport by 6am.
John T I had watched Furious 7 the night before.
Shaniqua L (Chicago State Alpha Kappa Alpha, Spirit Gate Agent): Look, it's a Monday for me too. I'm just having my first coffee, waking up and this crazy ass white kid runs up to me screaming about how he's got to get to LA. I'm thinking, I'm going through a divorce, my son just dropped out of college and this kid wants me to get him back to sunny LA because he slept in? Fuck this dude.
David M: I get to the gate and this woman looks at me blankly and says 'there's nothing I can do.'
Megan A: (USC Kappa, standing in security line) Ya, the line was about 2 hours. I was on the Spirit flight too. I had already decided I wasn't going to make it. I cried and called my dad. He told me to book a new flight on his credit card. I got on the noon Virgin flight. They even upgraded me!
David M: I see a bunch of USC kids that are supposed to be on my flight, they don't seem to care that they are going to miss the flight, whereas I think it would probably ruin my life. I decide to take matters into my own hands. I duck under a rope and walk right past a TSA agent manning the pre check line. Thankfully he doesn't see me.
Muhammad R. (University of Delhi, TSA pre check) Oh I saw him. I just don't care. In my old country I was a doctor. Now I spend all day racially profiling people that look like me. Hungover white kids are annoying, but they are rarely terrorists. I let him slide because you know what? I make $26,000 a year and Walking Dead ran long last night. I was tired too.
Billy H (Crossroads Middle School, In line at security) My dad took me out of school at lunch on Friday so we could fly to Chicago for the USC game. We lost, I was really sad. I saw this guy in line behind us. He also looked really sad. When I got called up to security with my dad they asked if the sad guy was with us. I told her yes.
Sally A (No education record on fie, TSA supervisor) I guess I should have been thrown off by the fact that the dad was 5 foot 2 and this guy was like 6 foot 4, but all white people look the same to me.
Elizabeth A Pilates was great that morning. My arms look fucking great.
Lizzy S I still can't believe that Michigan State won!!!
Sally A: So this white kid is sweating all over his damn self. At training we are taught to do extra screening on people that look suspicious. Usually I take that to just mean Muslims. This kid just looked strung out like my friend Michael is most Sunday nights…but the metal detector did go off when he walked through.
David M: OMG the fucking Altoid tin. I had a pharmacy full of drugs in this Altoid tin and it was in my god damn pocket. Fortunately, I think I had taken most of the pills at the wedding.
Sally A: I opened the Altoid tin and it looked like it was mostly Altoids. There was one blue pill. I think it might have been a Viagra, I didn't bust him though, he was kind of cute.
David M: THAT'S WHERE THAT MOLLY WENT!
Bishop S (St. Viator High School, Starbucks Barista): This kid goes sprinting by barefoot through Terminal 3 like he stole something. He damn near knocked over an old woman. I was praying for someone to come out of nowhere and lay his ass out. It didn't happen though. Oh I'm sorry we don't make Pumpkin Spiced Lattes at this location.
Janet P (University of South Florida Chi O, Flight Attendant): I became a flight attendant so I could see the world, and maybe travel for free on the weekends. Instead I end up in shitty hotel rooms having sex with ex boyfriends from college. Did you know Spirit puts us up in Ramadas? Even Frontier girls get the Marriott. Oh, you want me to re-open the gate because you're late for your flight? Whatever, take an exit row seat as well, I just don't care anymore.
David M: I couldn't believe it, I legitimately almost ran this girl over Home Alone 2 style and she merely re-opened the gate and gave me an exit row seat. She must have been having a really good day. Speaking of good day, I just found an Ambien in my back pocket GOODNIGHT.
Jason R (USC SAE, passenger on Spirit Flight 737): I'm pretty sure that I saw that guy on the side of the road an hour ago. How the fuck did he make it onto this flight? Excuse me, miss can I get a Jack and Coke when you get a chance?
Captain Jeffries (Purdue GDI, pilot Spirit Flight 737): I was late to the airport that morning so the flight ended up being delayed about 15 minutes. My wife's car was in the shop so I had to drop her off at this Pilates studio in Lincoln Park. Then there was all this construction on the freeway. I saw this car get a blow-out and this passenger jump out, it was crazy/ If it weren't for that I probably would have been on time.
David M I had to go straight to work after I landed at LAX. It sucked balls because the crushing reality of the real world was suffocating me. So I did the only prudent thing one can do when they are having a crisis, I signed up for flight lessons and booked a trip to Lima, Peru…on Spirit.
Jim Harbaugh (University of Michigan Head Football Coach): What can I say? It was a terrible loss. Wait, why am I participating in an oral history for someone's personal blog? Get the fuck out of here!
Janet P: My room at the Marina Del Rey Ramada wasn't ready of course. Fuck it. I'm going to the Venice Whaler and opening up a tab on the corporate card. I'll be there for the next 12 hours. Just say you're with Janet. Also I just found out my ex Tom is getting married so if you have cocaine, I'll probably sleep with you. It will be just like the opening scene from Flight.
Some of the events/names in this oral history were fictionalized to protect the innocent.
No comments:
Post a Comment