Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Finding the Next Hamilton


Shortly before I studied abroad, Philip Morris (BIG TOBACCO) flew me up to Chicago and took me to Wicked. I was borderline blacked out because before the show I had approximately 17 glasses of wine at Joe's Stone Crab. But from what I can remember, I was blown away.

I bought the soundtrack the next day and would blast it the entire time we were abroad. This got mixed reviews from my roommates. I went and saw Wicked AGAIN while I was abroad (in London.) I saw it four more times in Chicago when I returned. I saw it in New York. I saw it in LA. I'm fucking obsessed.

I wrote a god dam musical while I was abroad. It was essentially Save the Last Dance as a Michael Jackson jukebox musical. (A jukebox musical is when you use a band's existing catalogue a la Rock of Ages or Across the Universe)

Over the years I have seen Book of Mormon, Jersey Boys, Bullets Over Broadway, Avenue Q, Phantom, Rock of Ages, Les Mis, Rent, Spring Awakening, In the Heights, etc, etc and I love them all. Seriously I may love musicals more than any straight man in America.

Hamilton has obviously struck a chord with 2015 America. Lin-Manuel Miranda took a story about a bunch of old white dudes, made them Puerto Rican and black and wrote a rap musical. It essentially won every Tony on Sunday night and now the question of every old white man is what will be next?

Fortunately, I have sat around giving this lots of thought. Broadway producers, these pitches are my gift to you...

Hilary 
Hilary is the story of a woman trying to hustle her way to the music industry's number one honor: DJ of the year. Set in the male-dominated world of EDM, 'Hilary' will feature famous DJs portraying famous politicians portraying famous DJs.

Cast:
Yasmine Yousaf as Hilary
Paul Oakenfold as Bill
Skrillex as Donald
Steve Aoki as Bernie

Too Wicked: Defying Time
After the events of 'Wicked' Glinda attempts to build a time machine that would completely undo the demise of Elphaba, Nessa and Fyerro. However, when she accidentally goes too far back and starts a romantic relationship with the young Wizard, the future of Oz is in doubt.

Cast:
Brittany Snow as Glinda
Miles Teller as The Wizard
Lea Michella as Elphaba
Theo James as Fyerro

Trans-centdentalism
In 1840's Boston, Henry David Thoreau and Ralph Waldo Emerson embark on a coming of age journey to actualize themselves as self-reliant women. This post grunge road trip musical will feature the music of Kurt Cobain and Axl Rose reflecting the relationship and ultimate rivalry of the two philosophers.

Cast:
Laverne Cox as Henry David Thoreau
Eddie Redmayne as Ralph Waldo Emerson
Anna Kendrick as Louisa May Alcott

Basic Bitch
In 2016 aspiring screenwriter Tif Ashford moves from midtown Manhattan to West Hollywood where she tries to write the next 'Broad City' while also juggling her complicated personal life. This is a jukebox musical set to Taylor Swift's album 1989.

Taylor Swift as Tif Ashford
John Mayer as John Vanderbilt
Jake Gyllenhaal as Michael Horowitz
Harry Styles as Harry Styles
Calvin Harris as Gay Best Friend

West Bank Story
Jesus of Nazareth and the Prophet Mohammed return to Earth to battle for control of Israel by assembling a crew of the hottest MCs for an eventual showdown in the city of Galilee. The musical features original music by Kanye West, Drake, Kendrick Lamar, Eminem and more.

Kanye West as Jesus of Nazareth
Drake as The Prophet Mohammed
Mos Def as Yasiin Bey
Kendrick Lamar as St. Peter

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